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Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/28/2006 9:09:39 PM

OedipusRexIt

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I was inspired by a recent conversation to pose this question:

What do you think are the intellectual aspects most appealing in bdsm?

So many possible answers. Some of mine would include:

The clarity of each participant's desires promotes excellent communication and intimacy.

A more intimate union, whether sexual or not, allows freer expression and uninhibited imagination.

Clarity of purpose, intimate communication and the free expression of an uninhibited imagination lead to excellence in other areas.

So, I suppose my premise is good bdsm interaction leads to a higher plane. What's your own premise?

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RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/28/2006 9:17:30 PM

Caretakr

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From a D/s perspective..........

Clarity of a life path, and mutual goals.

Using methodologies to harness and redirect the reptilian (emotive/irrational) mind to more coherent uses.

Knowing your place in the scheme of things, division of roles and labor in a structured and unambiguous manner.

Acceptance as part of the communication process, resulting in a better idea of mutual internal landscapes.

Realization of the true part played by the surrounding society,adapting to, rather than being assimilated by it.

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 2

RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/28/2006 9:21:24 PM

kittinSol

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My own premise in any relationship is that communication is key. Once the doors are open thoughts (primary), feelings (secondary) and emotions (tertiary) flow freely.

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RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/28/2006 9:44:26 PM

Calandra

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Compassion
Communication
Integrity
Imagination

Of course thats just a starting list, but I think that combined those elements above form the basics of any BDSM "relationship" no matter what the foundation is.

I assume that the OP was referencing committed relationships, however these four concepts are vital whether you are engaging in full or part time play, long distance relationships, even BDSM friendships.

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 4

RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/28/2006 9:57:21 PM

OedipusRexIt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

I assume that the OP was referencing committed relationships, however these four concepts are vital whether you are engaging in full or part time play, long distance relationships, even BDSM friendships.

I did mean committed relationships. Thank you very much for the clarification.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 5

RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/28/2006 11:54:36 PM

BitaTruble

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quote:

What do you think are the intellectual aspects most appealing in bdsm?

Good question, ORI and my answer is probably going to sound strange to some. For me, being able to embrace the visceral inhumanity that is an inherent part of my S/m play and being able to come back from that is extrodinarily appealing to me. I am able to discard the intellect for periods of time then take it back and use it to accept that enjoying myself in such a fashion is actually OK regardless of what others may think or how society may view using such baser instincts to enhance the relationship I have with someone.

"I think, therefore I am."

When I think not, I can become ... anything.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

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RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/28/2006 11:58:38 PM

Kedikat

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An added level of open honesty with another/others of certain aspects of you.
Which just adds a little more fulfillment and relaxation in you life.

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 7

RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/29/2006 12:01:56 AM

Kedikat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

From a D/s perspective..........

Clarity of a life path, and mutual goals.

Using methodologies to harness and redirect the reptilian (emotive/irrational) mind to more coherent uses.

Knowing your place in the scheme of things, division of roles and labor in a structured and unambiguous manner.

Acceptance as part of the communication process, resulting in a better idea of mutual internal landscapes.

Realization of the true part played by the surrounding society,adapting to, rather than being assimilated by it.

Oh god. I must be totally missing the point of it.

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 8

RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/29/2006 1:25:28 AM

SusanofO

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Yes, clarity of purpose. Being able to fill someone else's needs - because you know what they are - and to state your needs and upfront and have someone respond to that. What a time-saver that must be. I realize things can still be risky but it sounds like it does save time and possibly un-necessary heartbreak.

I would add the ability to be vulnerable without feeling like an idiot for being that way (probably this is tied in with clarity).

Being able to give and ask for things your average man-on-the-street might consider weird without feeling ashamed.

Being able to forge a deeper emotional relationship with someone because you really get a chance to know them in a very emotionally intimate way; trusting them (and them you) enough to not be afraid to do that.

These opinions are all based on my oh so vast experience of one relationship that was bdsm oriented of one year - so I am no expert.

Good topic.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/29/2006 1:45:42 AM >

_____________________________

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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 9

RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/29/2006 2:31:17 AM

ExistentialSteel

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I’m not sure how to put in words what intellect means in a bdsm relationship, but I know it is more important than anything else. You are both living and playing on a higher level than those without the capability. You know, see and feel more with all the implications.

There is a reason tests to match compatible people, such as eharmony, consider educational and intellectual factors important. Get stuck on the island of life with someone for a long time and you best be intellectually equal.

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(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

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RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/29/2006 3:12:39 AM

meatcleaver

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I've never taken the intellectual side of BDSM serious, not since I had a relationship with someone who kept saying 'consent is an amazing concept' which really meant, 'I want to be a slut but I need an intellectual excuse to be one'. Taken along with her need for 'honesty, trust and integrity' which again she was found wanting, I just can't take it all serious.

Kink to me is hedonism, pure and simple and I just fail to see an intellectual side to it, unless you include technique and health and safety etc. Then again, I don't want a relationship that keeps me shackled to someone. I want my hedonistic enjoyment and then walk away and involve myself in what I consider intellectual pursuits. It is also amazing how many women want the same thing if you drag yourself away from the internet and meet people in real life.

EDITED TO ADD

The whole attraction to BDSM for me, is that at its best it is animalistic and anti-inrtellectual and I would go as far as to say, venal. It allows moments when civility and social sophistry can be discarded.

As for relationships, what makes a BDSM relationship successful is also required in making a vanilla relationship successful. I don't think BDSMers have a heighten sexual awareness or sensitivity towards their partner that does not have its vanilla equivalent.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 6/29/2006 3:22:29 AM >

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 11

RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/29/2006 5:59:11 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt
The clarity of each participant's desires promotes excellent communication and intimacy.

A more intimate union, whether sexual or not, allows freer expression and uninhibited imagination.

Clarity of purpose, intimate communication and the free expression of an uninhibited imagination lead to excellence in other areas.

So, I suppose my premise is good bdsm interaction leads to a higher plane. What's your own premise?

There's nothing inherent to bdsm that is more intellectual than in any other relationship. It just happens for you because that's what you're oriented towards. I think we've all seen from the threads here that being into bdsm really brings no one any form of extra clarity, no extra communication points, and actually not lacking in inhibitions. Lots of people in bdsm have TONS of trouble with all of those points.

As per usual, I simply like being me. And bdsm happens to be part of who I am. If I suck at communication, I'll still suck at it even if I get into bdsm.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 12

RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/29/2006 6:11:56 AM

darkinshadows

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Damn - Em beat me.

I do not see anything intellectually unique about or in BDSM.

I would be and am attracted to intellect whether it is considered BDSM or not, whether I was involved in practising BDSM or not.

Yes, intellect inspires me. It heightens the sexual. Deepens the spiritual. Adds clarity to imagination and removes the barriers for communication. But it isn't purely because of BDSM. Its just part of who I am.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 13

RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/29/2006 6:33:33 AM

mistoferin

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Yeah...what LA and dark said.....damn......

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"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to darkinshadows)

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RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/29/2006 6:49:54 AM

sophia37

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I think BDSM is very much of an intellectual activity, at least in the writing and thoughts sense. It's filled with symbolism, figures of speech, similies, and allegories.

Honestly, many's the time it has occured to me that there are tons of people who write profiles and look for hook-ups because they think of themselves as "dominant" or whatever, then want to play out their faults and flaws on a brand new stage. I see it in many a thread. I think theres tons of misunderstanding about this whole thing.

Once you start exploring your own personality, the words dominant or submissive will usually arise. So will the words slave or poly. So its an easy next step to connect the words to a "lifestyle". We all sometimes wish there was a "book" or "manual" to guide us on our way to perfection, or happiness, or whatever we think we need to find.

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 15

RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/29/2006 8:25:14 AM

Driver1961

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Dips His lid,

Ummmmm......... everyone has great points of view here. All personally subjective and somewhat assumptive rather than conclusive! There's my intellect what did I say?

Maybe the o.p is including or confusing 'Dynamic' with intellect?
Are dynamic and intellect really different?
Either way what makes a successful relationship is the same in both Vanilla and Lifestyle.   These same (duality) elements of trust, loyalty, empathy, complete honesty, respect, and acknowledgement of every persons need for growth provide the conerstone of stability in a relationship.   (I'll find the statistics and references; havard style, another day!)

BDSM does narrow down our 'prospective partner choice' but greatly increases our personal fulfillment or growth if successful.

What are the elements or components of BDSM that stimulate One's intellect?

Answer; all of the above including other postings on this thread. I love to gain better understandings of others views, some reinforce my beliefs, others extend them. My choice to label myself as a 'Lifestyler' enhances my self growth and enables me to find others similar to myself, that can complement me in conversation, play and in D/s terms find the partner that I have been unable to find in the Vanilla world.  It is for this reason that many feel the bonding/dynamic or (intellect may I assume) is unique to BDSM hence the O.P?

I have learnt in the past 18mths as a Sir and in my past as a Vanilla Dominant that nothing I have previously experienced can match what I experience now with my 'Precious'... The intellectual BDSM connection that ensues/d provides/d immense healing during 'Sub spacing' Perhaps I am able to hynoptise, read minds, give fortunes? Who Knows?   I certainly don't!

Concluding;I do know that I am able to effect 'sub-space' and this in my personally subjective view IS an INTELLECTUAL COMPONENT OF BDSM!

Oops, Have I assumed that in other relationships that 'Spacing' does not occur?
Damm right I have!   I might 'Fuxk a girl over' after 'Fuxking her over' when she was 'So fuxked over' and she is delirously exhausted and floating, but is not sub-spacing although similar in behaviour but a chasm in personal thought apart.

A girl (I only have experience with girls) who deeply mediates has described that elements of the deep meditation, the getting Fucxked over again when being Fuxked over when already being 'So Fuxked over' and 'Sub spacing' all have the 'floaty or elevated feeling but they clearly state that nothing compares to 'Sub-space'

Yes I enjoy the intellectual component of BDSM.

Smiles to all and thanks for following what has been very difficult to explain

Driver1961, Sir to His loving Wildchild..

_____________________________

Dance as though nobody is watching!

(in reply to sophia37)

Post #: 16

RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/29/2006 8:31:07 AM

Arpig

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Sorry Oedipus old chum, but none of what you listed is in any way restricted to BDSM, and therefore your final premise is flawed.

BDSM does not lead to a higher plane than any other relationship style. BDSM is NOT a spiritual path, it does NOT lead to enlightenment, it is just one way for two (or more) people to interact in a relationship. It gives those into it great delight, and may indeed provide a spiritual experience for its practitioners, but a solid, loving vanilla relationship can do the same for those who are into that lifestyle.

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(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 17

RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/29/2006 8:36:01 AM

Submotive

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Joined: 9/9/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

I was inspired by a recent conversation to pose this question:

What do you think are the intellectual aspects most appealing in bdsm?

So many possible answers. Some of mine would include:

The clarity of each participant's desires promotes excellent communication and intimacy.

A more intimate union, whether sexual or not, allows freer expression and uninhibited imagination.

Clarity of purpose, intimate communication and the free expression of an uninhibited imagination lead to excellence in other areas.

So, I suppose my premise is good bdsm interaction leads to a higher plane. What's your own premise?

YAWN!!! Wake me up when the fun starts!

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 18

RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/29/2006 8:58:08 AM

crouchingtigress

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From: Maui
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As others have stated just because it is BDSM does not make it more intellectual, but what i am drawn to is the potential for greater use of ones intellect by offering tools of self inquiry such as contracts, where things that are oft not discussed in vanilla are put very clearly on the table to discuss and agree to according to the soul searching both parties have done over the years as to what works and what does not work for them in relationship.

I am also drawn to the ritualistic nature, some might say that ritual is a primal part of our being, and not the intellectual part, that i dont know, but i do know rituals make me feel like everything has a deeper meaning, and allows me to become more "present" in the moment which for me is heightened state of awareness, which i equate with mental (intellect) stimulation.

And too i like the structure and accountability. To bring a fuller consciousness into the things you do on a day to day basis, to bring sacredness in to the menial aspects of each day is also very mentally stimulating, which i relate to as intellectual ie: more directed from a mental rather then an emotional motivation

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(in reply to Submotive)

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RE: Intellectual Components of BDSM - 6/29/2006 8:59:57 AM

Caretakr

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Joined: 6/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

As others have stated just because it is BDSM does not make it more intellectual, but what i am drawn to is the potential for greater use of ones intellect by offering tools of self inquiry such as contracts, where things that are oft not discussed in vanilla are put very clearly on the table to discuss and agree to according to the soul searching both parties have done over the years as to what works and what does not work for them in relationship.

I am also drawn to the ritualistic nature, some might say that ritual is a primal part of our being, and not the intellectual part, that i dont know, but i do know rituals make me feel like everything has a deeper meaning, and allows me to become more "present" in the moment which for me is heightened state of awareness, which i equate with mental (intellect) stimulation.

And too i like the structure and accountability. To bring a fuller consciousness into the things you do on a day to day basis, to bring sacredness in to the menial aspects of each day is also very mentally stimulating, which i relate to as intellectual ie: more directed from a mental rather then an emotional motivation

This is why I only mentioned D/s as an intellectual component-bdsm is pretty much of the body and emotion.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 20

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