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RE: Flirting online? - 8/2/2013 2:44:50 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trent667

Thought about looking into why he was looking outside the relationship ?

No excuse for his actions, but they are the result of something lacking -


Yes, "they are the result of something lacking": her partner having integrity.

It is not her fault that he was chatting up an old girlfriend and made plans with her.

If there was something lacking, then it was her partner's obligation to their relationship to discuss it with her.
Would you really be okay with it if you partner decided something was lacking and went elsewhere to fulfill it... ?


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(in reply to trent667)
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RE: Flirting online? - 8/2/2013 8:48:35 PM   
heartilly


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/2/2013
Status: offline 		This actually hits close to home for me because this is similar to what I found my Dom doing very recently. For me, it was the same as cheating. It was disrespectful to me and hurtful. I can't say to do one thing or another, but do what feels right for you. Leaving left right for me, and so I did. And I'm happy that I did.

(in reply to starlagurl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Flirting online? - 8/2/2013 8:49:56 PM   
starlagurl


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/31/2010
Status: offline 		Cool. How long ago was that?

(in reply to heartilly)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Flirting online? - 8/3/2013 5:24:22 AM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: starlagurl

I haven't seen/talked to him in a month anyway.


In your opening post you say "I am leaving", but now you say you haven't seen him in a month. That sounds like you left a month ago. Yet "now" he's promising not to talk to girls inappropriately any more.

How can this problem be taking place in the present when you haven't even talked to him for a month?

Does he read these forums and you want him to see what others say about being deceitful? (That's what the problem was.. not the flirting, not the plans, not the compliments; it was the deceit)


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Flirting online? - 8/3/2013 5:27:09 AM   
starlagurl


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/31/2010
Status: offline 		Sorry my tenses are mixed up I guess....
I mean, I am leaving Korea to go to China. This takes a while to get a visa and arrange flights etc.
I left him. We never lived together or anything, so this part was easy. Leaving the country takes a little longer.

He promised not to talk to girls inappropriately anymore way before, pretty much as soon as I found all that stuff.

I don't think he reads this forum, no. I don't really care if he sees it or not. I was just interested in other people's reactions because it seemed like he thought I was overreacting.

< Message edited by starlagurl -- 8/3/2013 5:36:16 AM >

(in reply to evesgrden)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Flirting online? - 8/4/2013 12:10:27 AM   
RaspberryLemon


Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline 		In the relationship between my Master and me, flirting with other people at all--be it online, over the phone, or in person--is definitely not appropriate. That is a boundary for us; crossing it would be hurtful, harmful and disrespectful. It's just not something that's ever going to be ok for us. We feel the same way about it and both have a clear understanding of what is acceptable.

Granted, this isn't going to be the same for everyone. Different people have different boundaries in their relationships (what is ok/not ok, what constitutes "cheating," etc.,) and that's totally ok, as long as all parties have a clear idea of what those boundaries are and can agree on them. Otherwise, you are dealing with an issue of bad communication and/or incompatibility.

(in reply to starlagurl)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Flirting online? - 8/4/2013 12:11:40 AM   
starlagurl


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/31/2010
Status: offline 		Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. Thank you for that.

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Flirting online? - 8/4/2013 6:59:36 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		I am a HUGE flirt; however, the line between flirting (which is fun, silly..) & poaching (predatory, unethical..) is huge.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Flirting online? - 8/4/2013 9:01:07 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

I am a HUGE flirt; however, the line between flirting (which is fun, silly..) & poaching (predatory, unethical..) is huge.


This is where I am as well. I frequently flirt, with it clearly understood that I'm doing it for run and nothing more. For example, there was one woman on collarme who was a lesbian Domme living in Massachusetts and unable to relocate, who was 25 and had an upper age limit of 30 for her relationship partners. I kept whining to her about how many obstacles she had placed to our true love.

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(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Flirting online? - 8/4/2013 12:31:13 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Exactly!!! I will make jokes and tease but the TRUE purpose of flirting is to make someone feel good...not to get something for nothing, not to make yourself feel attractive or to threaten someone else's relationship. Those are, for me, situations I don't touch-I don't flirt with authority figures to get out of trouble (like speeding ticket), I don't flirt with men I know are interested in me but I am not interested in them (those cases where you have "let someone down gently" because he is SERIOUSLY interested), and I don't flirt with any guy whose wife/girlfriend would feel threatened or is sensitive to it..,

If you read my posts...I flirt with most of the men I know.those I know well enough to know they are genuinely committed, decent enough to never TRY to take it further... If I worry that I crossed the line...I drop the boyfriend card in...(say something like... I will check with MN...or I don't think MN would approve).

Yes I will hide behind my Dom

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Flirting online? - 8/4/2013 12:38:47 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		You've asked two different questions here in my opinion.

I "flirt"... and in fact get pretty damned emotionally intimate... with a lot of women... real genuine emotional attachment stuff. What makes it non-threatening to Carol is that her place in my life is rock solid in her own mind. These other women are not a threat to her and she knows that. Hell, at one point I could have simply told Carol I was going away with Mary for a week for some hot sex and Carol was to feel good about that.

What I never could've gotten away with is what your guy did.

And yes, it is possible to judge an entire relationship on one issue. It's called a deal breaker for a reason. As I noted, this might be enough for Carol to break our almost 20 year long marriage over. His reaction to it all ... which was to feign ignorance... is really creepy. You have two choices there. He's a manipulative lying SOB or he's so incredibly out of touch with anything resembling a human emotion that I'd worry about having any sort of relationship with him.

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(in reply to starlagurl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Flirting online? - 8/4/2013 1:51:21 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: trent667

Thought about looking into why he was looking outside the relationship ?

No excuse for his actions, but they are the result of something lacking -


Not always. Some people cheat for no reason other than they can, even when they have it all.

(in reply to trent667)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Flirting online? - 8/4/2013 2:59:24 PM   
starlagurl


Posts: 26
Joined: 8/31/2010
Status: offline
quote:

His reaction to it all ... which was to feign ignorance... is really creepy. You have two choices there. He's a manipulative lying SOB or he's so incredibly out of touch with anything resembling a human emotion that I'd worry about having any sort of relationship with him.


Yeah, I feel the same way too. I thought he was just quiet, but looking back on it, he just didn't have any human emotions for me.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 33
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