Asking for a spanking

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Theredmusiclover -> Asking for a spanking (8/1/2013 7:30:59 PM)
Hello everyone. Im new, like 100% new, and in first D/s relationship. I've known I was a submissive for years but have been either hiding or not understood or told that I didn't know what I was talking about blah blah. Anyways I found a daddydom and things have been going pretty great. He's very understanding andwwe have been taking it slow. For some reason I can'to get out of my head that I want to know what a spanking is like. I've gotten a couple of swats for not saying sir when i was supposed to but that's been about it. I don't want to play game and intentionally break a rule to get punished but i can't seem to let the curiosity go. Im also afraid of getting one too tho and im also afraid of disAppointing him by asking for a spanking. He uses them as a correction tool. Can anyone give me some insight on this? Should i just grow a set and ask for one? Hell if anyone could even explain my feelings to me that'd be great. Im new and nervous and kinda scared and just don't have much of a clue i guess. Thank you for taking the time to read and have a great day :)

littlewonder -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/1/2013 7:42:48 PM)
I'm gonna go with grow a set and just ask him.

Theredmusiclover -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/1/2013 7:55:03 PM)
Lol thank you. I've almost done it a few times but I just can't seem to say the words. I know im being chicken Shit but I really don't know what to do with the thoughts and/or feelings of it all. Part of me thinks its insane to ask for it but another part of me really wants to know. Anyways thanks for taking the time to answer :)

ResidentSadist -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/1/2013 7:58:47 PM)
Are you good at begging? An old fashioned style begging is always welcome in my house.

Theredmusiclover -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/1/2013 8:07:49 PM)
Im not really sure how I am at begging. I haven't done it much so far. We've been going slow. Like really slow which is what I needed and he's been really good at giving me what I need. This whole thing is just a huge mind fuck. I've got two sides of myself that haven't had time to really coexist together and they're fighting. The sub part and the independent grown part.

DarkSteven -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/1/2013 8:25:24 PM)
If you did ask for a spanking, how would that disappoint him? Just letting you know - there are many different kinds of spanking. Punishment, maintenance, foreplay, fun, stress relief, etc.

Theredmusiclover -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/1/2013 8:33:55 PM)
I have no clue how it would disappoint him. I don't know how a Dom really feels with it. I know some really like to while others do it because they feel the needt or whatever. Im sure im completely overthinking all of this Im just unsure how to deal with the emotions I guess because this is very new for me. Im not trying to sound like or be a crybaby I just can't wrap my head around it I guess and was wanting some outside perspective from people who have been there. Whether it be the spanker or spankee.

deliriuminabox -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/1/2013 8:48:12 PM)
Just ask him! Most doms I've met really enjoy giving spankings, especially if the submissive asks or begs for one. Intentional disobedience is probably the worst thing you could do unless "brattiness" is a part if your dynamic. Most people dislike being manipulated and a punishment spanking is completely different than one meant for pleasure and fun.

Theredmusiclover -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/1/2013 8:56:44 PM)
I definitely don't want to go the manipulation route. I don't want to play games. To me I guess it feels like a spanking is something I fear because its already been discussed that it will be a punishment. So i guess i can't wrap my head around wanting one anyways. Even tho I know it wouldn't be a punishment spanking because I've been a good girl lol

DarkSteven -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/1/2013 9:13:36 PM)
Ah. Like I said, there are different kinds of spankings. A punishment spanking starts off hard and it hurts. Before it begins, you should be told what you did wrong. So your headspace is that you did wrong, and you're being punished. A nonpunishment spanking begins with a warmup. It increases in intensity, ideally just straddling the line between what you like and what you don't. Throughout, the rest of your body can be open to play. You should be relaxed. They are very different.

Theredmusiclover -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/1/2013 9:21:36 PM)
Good to know. Thank you. I've actually told him a bit about my internal debate with all this. My guess is he's waiting for me to actually ask/beg for it. I want to be completely honest with him and I feel like its really important so that he can do his job correctly.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/1/2013 9:48:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Theredmusiclover Good to know. Thank you. I've actually told him a bit about my internal debate with all this. My guess is he's waiting for me to actually ask/beg for it. I want to be completely honest with him and I feel like its really important so that he can do his job correctly. You are right. How about you tell him exactly what you've told us - you're both frightened and curious, a little conflicted because he's mentioned using it as a punishment, and a little unsure about whether he's open to 'fun' spankings. I can't imagine anyone being disappointed with something so honest. My man loves being asked for a spanking. I still find it a little embarrassing to say out loud, and that's part of the appeal for him I think. P.S. Not everyone uses punishments, and many who do use things totally unrelated to kinky play (like extra chores, or a cancellation of a play session). In my experience, figuring out how to make punishments work as something effective and positive for the relationship was one of the hardest things to get right - it may take quite a bit of time and quite a lot of discussions to sort through. Whatever the two of you decide works best is fine.

theshytype -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/2/2013 8:15:23 AM)
FR- I remember asking my husband. I felt embarrassed. He was more than happy to oblige. We don't use them for punishment, although it has been used a few times in the past. There's definitely a difference to me, but I still enjoy the "punishment" spankings so it's hardly effective. You may very well be different and enjoy one but not the other. If I just pretended they were effective, I would see it as counterproductive for BOTH of us.

DesFIP -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/2/2013 10:43:45 AM)
Can you write it down and send it to him? That gives you time to rewrite it till it seems clear. However, if he enjoys spanking you but feels they should be reserved for punishment, there's a risk that he'll start claiming you've fucked up or been bad needlessly so that he has an excuse to spank you. And that's not a good thing. You will begin to feel that you can't do anything right so why even bother to try. You want to talk about a punishment dynamic. Are you going to be punished if you're late because of a traffic jam? Or because you can't send him sexy pics from work? Or when he wants to do something that you have on a hard limits list so he uses it as punishment? Lots of us don't have a punishment dynamic. With that said, ask him how he wants you to approach him when there's something you're interested in. Me? I usually sent him a link to a pic or post about it and said, "hey this looks cool. do you want to try it sometime?". Sometimes he was interested and sometimes not. And some things I didn't want to repeat or he decided he didn't want to do again. But you have to be able to talk to people about sex. If you can't, then you shouldn't be having sex with them.

angelikaJ -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/2/2013 2:56:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Theredmusiclover I have no clue how it would disappoint him. I don't know how a Dom really feels with it. I know some really like to while others do it because they feel the needt or whatever. Im sure im completely overthinking all of this Im just unsure how to deal with the emotions I guess because this is very new for me. Im not trying to sound like or be a crybaby I just can't wrap my head around it I guess and was wanting some outside perspective from people who have been there. Whether it be the spanker or spankee. Every dominant partner is different. [My] Master would not object to my asking for a spanking. One thing that might help is if you could figure out what kind of spanking you are looking for: Is it that the idea of a spanking makes you all melty? or Is it the idea of you somehow being naughty and getting a spanking because you deserve it? or Something else? ???????????????? In our dynamic, spankings are reserved for my being a good girl. If it was the latter, it would fall under "funishment" (pretend punishment), and it would be delivered differently than a good girl spanking. He does use CP (a hairbrush) for actual punishment but that is very rare. A suggestion I have: could you ask him how would he feel about giving you a ____ spanking (once you identify what type of spanking you want) because you have been thinking about it a lot. edit: clarity

kalikshama -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/2/2013 3:39:11 PM)
quote: With that said, ask him how he wants you to approach him when there's something you're interested in. Me? I usually sent him a link to a pic or post about it and said, "hey this looks cool. do you want to try it sometime?". Sometimes he was interested and sometimes not. And some things I didn't want to repeat or he decided he didn't want to do again. But you have to be able to talk to people about sex. If you can't, then you shouldn't be having sex with them. [sm=goodpost.gif][sm=agree.gif] When my (now ex) husband and I were noobs, I used to point out the things in Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns that I wanted to try, and, for the most part, he obliged me. [image]http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51XK7KHV5RL._SY300_.jpg[/image]

Kana -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/3/2013 5:45:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist Are you good at begging? An old fashioned style begging is always welcome in my house. Nothing like a good grovel to start the day. For whatever reason,I seem to inspire begging. I somehow suspect you may suffer from the same affliction...

orgasmdenial12 -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/3/2013 6:25:00 AM)
quote: Hell if anyone could even explain my feelings to me that'd be great. The desire for pain is commonly known as masochism. Masochism is extremely common amongst submissives, either because they enjoy the sensation or the feelings of submission and control that come from being spanked. I'd simply ask him :-)

kiwisub12 -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/3/2013 7:55:35 AM)
The day I asked my late dom for more spanking, because it didn't feel as if I had had enough, was the day I made him a very happy man. He was a sadist and was absolutely delighted to find out that I was a masochist as well as submissive. and as for what made me ask for more? I still don't understand it, because I feel pain AS pain, but there were times when I NEEDED more to feel........... complete. There seemed to be a threshold that I needed to get past. so, dude, one day , when he is relaxed, tell him that you want to experience a spanking and would he please give you one. He may well be delighted to oblige. And if he doesn't want to, then so be it, but I hardly think he will cut you loose because you want to try a spanking.

mnottertail -> RE: Asking for a spanking (8/3/2013 7:58:20 AM)
quote: I don't want to play game and intentionally break a rule to get punished actions, consequences. It is reasonable. Ask for what you want, good girls should get a spanking, if they are good girls. Bad girls get ignored.

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