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AAkasha -> RE: How many times have you thrown away your toys? (8/14/2013 5:00:13 PM)
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Fast reply.
I was thinking a bit, and think that maybe one of the things that leads to many people NOT having issues with "toy purging" or any kind of self doubt is also the age in which they come into BDSM, or having any kind of existing information or "support community" (whether it be friends, online or munches). I think that many of the people who responded came into BDSM at a more mature stage in their life. I was very young and have been into this as far back as -- well, watching cartoons.
In my case and in some of the people I had talked to, stumbling into bdsm/femdom at an experimental age pre-Internet with no real information around, you are left with some pretty strange feelings afterward. And also when "growing up," there's also good old fashioned things like growing into identity, facing insecurity. There's nothing like being on a third date, tying a guy up, making him almost cry (even if it's "roleplaying,") going through a lot of "Are you sure you are ok?" and him saying, "Trust me, that was amazing," and there's no Internet, texting, or immediate feedback in the middle of the night besides a phone call.
The next day, when you exchange glances in a hall at school, you can't help but get a pit in your stomach and wonder....am I nuts?
Having sadistic desires that are hard to identify and communicate while also growing into adulthood and sexuality can create conflicting feelings. I LOVED my femdom side, nothing was more exhilarating. I just struggled with the guilt and how to work through it. I know subs that struggled with the ambivalence, and they often purged as a way to deal with it.
Akasha
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