trouble on the home front, wife??

trouble on the home front, wife?? (Full Version)

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pahunkboy -> trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:13:11 AM)
I could use some imput. For the past 3ish years I been hanging out at the neighbors for dinner and TV. She is 80, I am 49. She has no kids- I am sort of the son she never had- at the same time I am like a husband. She comes from a generation that the woman serves the man. Today she went into a laundry list of how things are one sided- then she stopped from telling me her biggest complaint. I let her stop - because I dont want to ruin things. She wondered if I would cook for her in return- it isnt that I wont as much as her kitchen is her kitchen. Mine is not equiped- as I dont have a stove or full size fridge. I am looking for little things I can do- so she sees things are more balanced. I dont know how serious my infractions are- one day she wanted a ride- I would have done so- after the 10 min errand that I had to attend to. Looking for little things I can do- to make her happy. PS- we both dont care for fast food- and when I mentioned meals on wheels she got mad.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:22:37 AM)
I would say if what she really wants is to have food made for her, you should make food for her. The best way to help someone is by doing the things they want help with. If you don't like her kitchen could you do the prep work in your house (marinading, chopping veg etc) and just present her with a casserole dish that she just needs to put in the oven for an hour? I used to do that for my grandparents all the time. No stove needed on your end. Otherwise, how are you helping her so far? If you're eating at her home regularly I assume you are doing your share of the grocery shopping and washing up etc? Can you offer to do some maintenance? Does she have any paintwork that needs touching up? Yard work?

Toysinbabeland -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:26:18 AM)
What WAS her biggest complaint? That might steer people's advice in a different direction.

pahunkboy -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:28:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland What WAS her biggest complaint? That might steer people's advice in a different direction. It sounds like my in-ability to focus is some of the problem. I am ADHD.

pahunkboy -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:30:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders I would say if what she really wants is to have food made for her, you should make food for her. The best way to help someone is by doing the things they want help with. If you don't like her kitchen could you do the prep work in your house (marinading, chopping veg etc) and just present her with a casserole dish that she just needs to put in the oven for an hour? I used to do that for my grandparents all the time. No stove needed on your end. Otherwise, how are you helping her so far? If you're eating at her home regularly I assume you are doing your share of the grocery shopping and washing up etc? Can you offer to do some maintenance? Does she have any paintwork that needs touching up? Yard work? I like this idea- of prepping the food here. Her kitchen is here kitchen- a simple thing like retrieving a glass is a big deal one idea I have- is a buddy jsut moved onto the block- he LOVES to cook, and has endless energy. He has an adopted son. If personalities bond- I think we could trade off on dinners. Of course I buy groceries. She has a deep freezer- and my job is to make sure there is meaet in it.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:32:54 AM)
Ah. Well there might not be much you can do about that then. I hope this doesn't sound mean, but do you think that since she's getting older she's finding your visits more tiring and is trying to hint that you should come over less? I know a lot of older people find visitors quite exhausting and aren't up for long visits. Edit: just saw your post about the deep freezer. You could even prep a big batch of food, divide it up and put it in her deep-freeze all ready to go, so she just has to let it defrost overnight then pop it in the oven. Big help for her, plus you don't need to spend much time in her kitchen.

pahunkboy -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:35:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders Ah. Well there might not be much you can do about that then. I hope this doesn't sound mean, but do you think that since she's getting older she's finding your visits more tiring and is trying to hint that you should come over less? I know a lot of older people find visitors quite exhausting and aren't up for long visits. Yes- one idea I had was to cut it down to 5 days a week. It also does not need to be cooked food- cold chicken goes fine on a summer day with patato salad.

pahunkboy -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:38:04 AM)
Ath- how many days ahead would you make food up for the freezer?

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:44:32 AM)
As long as you're freezing it straight away, you could make food for a month in advance if you wanted to.

pahunkboy -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:45:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders As long as you're freezing it straight away, you could make food for a month in advance if you wanted to. wouldnt we need preservatives to put in it?

OvrThRainbow -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:48:38 AM)
quote: Ah. Well there might not be much you can do about that then. I hope this doesn't sound mean, but do you think that since she's getting older she's finding your visits more tiring and is trying to hint that you should come over less? I know a lot of older people find visitors quite exhausting and aren't up for long visits. My feeling is that she does enjoy having him come over for a visit but is finding cooking every night tiring. The idea of making meals and freezing them is spot on. Pahunkboy, to answer your question about how far in advance you could make the meals, try to get them into the freezer within a day after preparing, keeping it in the fridge until you can get to the freezer.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:54:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pahunkboy quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders As long as you're freezing it straight away, you could make food for a month in advance if you wanted to. wouldnt we need preservatives to put in it? No you don't need preservatives, that's what the freezer does.

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:55:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pahunkboy wouldnt we need preservatives to put in it? Most decent freeezers these days will keep most food frozen for up to 3 months. No need for any extra preservatives at all.

dcnovice -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:55:47 AM)
FR With chemo sapping my energy, a kind cousin has been making and freezing meals for me. I've eaten some months later to no ill effect.

dcnovice -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 8:58:20 AM)
quote: She wondered if I would cook for her in return Do you know anything about her financial situation? Is it possible that feeding you each night is a strain on her purse?

pahunkboy -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 9:01:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dcnovice FR With chemo sapping my energy, a kind cousin has been making and freezing meals for me. I've eaten some months later to no ill effect. the question then becomes how do we better manage the cooking thing. and the finances are pretty even.

punisher440 -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 9:21:27 AM)
OP, you could get a crock pot and do the actual cooking at your place and save her the trouble of even popping it in the oven. There is a wide variety of meals that can be cooked this way and an easy clean up afterwards.

Termyn8or -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 10:43:55 AM)
quote: I am looking for little things I can do- so she sees things are more balanced. Roger Roger Roger.... THE DISHES DUMKOPF ! If you do the dishes she will cook for you for a year after she dies ! T^T

pahunkboy -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 11:08:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Termyn8or quote: I am looking for little things I can do- so she sees things are more balanced. Roger Roger Roger.... THE DISHES DUMKOPF ! If you do the dishes she will cook for you for a year after she dies ! T^T LMAO! Hey now- she will look over me from beyond. I like to eat. What can I say?

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: trouble on the home front, wife?? (8/3/2013 12:09:51 PM)
http://www.imaceliac.com/2012/03/gluten-free-freezer-meals.html http://homesteadinghomemaker.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/i-had-this-idea-that-it-would-be-nice.html http://zitzmanfam.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/freezer-meals_23.html?m=1 A lot of these are crock pot recipes but if neither of you have a crock pot, you should be able to cook them all in the oven - just pop them in a lidded casserole dish on a lowish temp for three hours or so it will have a similar effect.

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