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pushing limits - 8/3/2013 1:38:48 PM

curious2xplore

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Master wants to make me cry during a scene. I'm interested, but nervous. I'm afraid if he pushes me that far that it might have some damaging effect on our relationship. We've been together 5 years and I trust him completely. I know I can safe word. But I'm concerned that if I push myself, wanting to do it, that I might end up feeling negatively toward him even though I know in my head its was my choice to go through with it.
Anyone have experience with this and have some words of wisdom?

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RE: pushing limits - 8/3/2013 2:32:45 PM

TieMeInKnottss

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My ex did that..he wanted to make me cry and I don't cry easily most of the time so he had to really get mean. I worried about the same thing. Make sure you draw very specific lines about what is appropriate-my weight and my kids are COMPLETELY off limits. I knew those two items, if he brought them up would make me cry but I would never forgive or forget it and it wold permanently hurt the relationship. Other than that, I would let him say whatever and, the one thing that ALWAYS prevented it from crossing the line was that he would turn it "off" as soon as I cried...and it was over.

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RE: pushing limits - 8/3/2013 5:05:13 PM

Tearyoudown

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I'd be curious why he wants to make you cry. It may be an intimacy want. I may be completely off base here, as I'm not you or your master, but personally I like to make my partner cry because I like the feeling of emotional openness and vulnerability. It's a very intimate experience. Crying doesn't have to be negative, it can be a beautiful purging release.

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RE: pushing limits - 8/3/2013 5:20:46 PM

DesFIP

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Ask him why.
Put certain things off limit.
And tell him that you're likely to be very insecure and sensitive after and need weeks of aftercare. That if he isn't available to be nurturing for however long you need it, while accepting that you aren't going to be up to playing, then you don't think it's a good idea.

Now you may bounce back in a couple of days, but you may well not. So talk about a worst case scenario.

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RE: pushing limits - 8/3/2013 7:49:19 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: curious2xplore
But I'm concerned that if I push myself, wanting to do it, that I might end up feeling negatively toward him even though I know in my head its was my choice to go through with it.

No experience and no words of wisdom. That bit I quoted above though ought to be a freakin red flag flapping in the wind. If you are unable to take responsibility for your own choices then this seems like a really, really crazy thing to do.

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RE: pushing limits - 8/4/2013 4:21:32 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: curious2xplore
But I'm concerned that if I push myself, wanting to do it, that I might end up feeling negatively toward him even though I know in my head its was my choice to go through with it.

No experience and no words of wisdom. That bit I quoted above though ought to be a freakin red flag flapping in the wind. If you are unable to take responsibility for your own choices then this seems like a really, really crazy thing to do.

This, except Master can make me cry pretty much anytime he wants. He knows how and why to do that with me. He was able to do it over the weekend with me and for me it's cathartic and he does it when he knows I need the release due to stress or whatever. He's been noticing it for awhile and knew it's what I needed. Yeah, it wasn't fun to begin with but in the end the pain turns into pleasure.

But I still take responsibility for my life and that's what he expects of me.

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RE: pushing limits - 8/5/2013 4:42:56 PM

curious2xplore

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Thank you for taking the time to answer. Its nice to get perspectives from others that have experience. I'm hoping for a cathartic, intimacy building, bonding experience. We'll talk more about our expectations and mull it over some more.

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RE: pushing limits - 8/5/2013 5:31:59 PM

OsideGirl

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Before I answer, I have a question:

Is crying currently a limit? Or is doing the things that would make you cry a limit?

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RE: pushing limits - 8/5/2013 5:35:51 PM

NuevaVida

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The Mister loves to make me cry, and it happens quite a lot. Only very rarely does he do it by being emotionally mean. Mostly it's just something really beautiful together, or a physical whapping, and sometimes I'm just hormonal and cry at silly things (which he also enjoys).

We've been together a little over 4 years and I have absolute trust in his love for me. I also know that there's a sadistic side of him that enjoys feeling the power of hurting my feelings, and that it's something he himself has occasionally struggled with. When he does indulge himself in hurting my feelings to the point of tears, I feel shocked, hurt, I cry, and I push away from him, at which time he literally (physically) pulls me back and bear hugs me tight until I stop trying to push away. He brings me back to a peaceful place and we go about our lives.

I might feel a little injured for awhile but never resent him, hold a grudge, or hold it against him. He loves me and I love him, and this is something that fulfills him, and that I want to fulfill for him.

But here's the thing - in the past (former dude) there was some very, very serious emotional sadism that went on, and over time it became quite damaging. The Mister (current relationship) tread very carefully in this territory.... v e r y carefully and slowly, starting with things that were totally mild (and to some, his current words are probably totally mild).

I'd suggest you guys start off in the shallow end of the pool, if that makes sense, and work your way toward those tears. It's best to see how you respond and what he does to shepherd you through. Then you both can get a feel for what you can take, and your trust in him hurting you like this will evolve and grow.

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RE: pushing limits - 8/5/2013 6:03:56 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

Master wants to make me cry during a scene. I'm interested, but nervous. I'm afraid if he pushes me that far that it might have some damaging effect on our relationship. We've been together 5 years and I trust him completely. I know I can safe word. But I'm concerned that if I push myself, wanting to do it, that I might end up feeling negatively toward him even though I know in my head its was my choice to go through with it.
Anyone have experience with this and have some words of wisdom?

I find the idea of crying during a scene intriguing.

He made me cry accidently last week in a non-BDSM setting. I gave him a grade of 95 for how he handled it afterwards and he gave me an 85 for crying, lol.

Things don't always go perfectly during scenes, but we are great at talking it over afterwards and tweaking. I can relate to your fear of pushing yourself too far, but when I do this, I bounce back pretty quickly. Two weekends ago, I thought I was going to have to stop a scene, but I got through my mental roadblock by reminding myself that I could stop if I needed to...and then finding that I didn't need to stop.

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