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thicknlovelydiva -> new domme (11/15/2004 12:04:25 PM)
hello all, I am a domme and i'm new to the scene. I have a few prospective subs. Although i have this desire to be dominant, i find myself scared when it comes time to get down to business, mainly because of my lack of experience. It is really hard being a large and lovely african american domme because some people do not take me seriously. I am really interested in BDSM and rape simulation. Can you guys give me some advice or do you know of any books that i could read to gain knowledge and role play ideas?

MistressFire70 -> RE: new domme (11/15/2004 12:28:24 PM)
Welcome to the land of the perverts![:D][;)] I really think the best way to learn is to find a group of Women like yourself. This way, you can study lots of different styles, and try some things in a safe setting. Plus, if you find someone who's style really matches your personality, you can ask to mentor with her. If you can't find that, a pansexual group that contains all genders of Doms and subs is a good choice as well. To look for these groups, go to google.com (a search engine) and enter your city name and state and BDSM. So, if I was searching for myself I'd enter Winston-Salem North Carolina BDSM. The next best thing to do is to join a yahoo group where you can ask for info. I know of one for Fem Doms and their submissives only (yes, this is a shameless plug![:)]). You (and anyone else interested) can find info about the yahoo and real time groups at http://www.geocities.com/female_artists_of_domination Now, to answer your real questions about books, here is our group's small list of recommended books: http://www.geocities.com/female_artists_of_domination/Books.htm Here's our list of interesting Fem Dom links as well: http://www.geocities.com/female_artists_of_domination/Links.htm I also know of a group that focuses on the challenges for people of color in the lifestyle called PEP4POC. The Lady who runs this group is on collarme and is a FANSTASTIC Woman. Her profile is http://www.collarme.com/default.asp?v=6829&f3=16&bhcp=1. Just tell her Fire sent you to her for info about the group. She might take a while to answer, since she's very busy. If I happen to run across a link for the group, I will post it. I hope all this helps.

UtahGoddess -> RE: new domme (11/15/2004 1:26:20 PM)
Hello Diva :) For roleplay ideas I would suggest the book : The Misstress Manual by Misstress Lorelie. It sounds like you have a very NORMAL case of stage fright. Don't be reluctant to ask your subs to share with you their fantasies and experience. Most are more than willing to help you learn techniques and such....hands on. LOL Be honest about your experience. Be yourself (not what you think a Domme SHOULD be). But most of all.... HAVE FUN! [:D] If you have any specific questions, feel free to email me directly. Ms Sandi

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: new domme (11/15/2004 10:00:17 PM)
listen to UtahGodess, she gave me among my first and best advice; I too am fairly new, and am still learning, but besides the reading and joining as other Dommes have indicated, you'll pretty much begin to feel more comfortable as you go along (I'm beginning to have fun, and was in your exact situation just a few months back). Wish you luck, and lots of fun Ms M in RI

BeachMystress -> RE: new domme (11/16/2004 1:31:48 AM)
Read the books recommended first off. You need the info in them. The first time is the hardest. You've no clue how to actually START. You have this man here.. both of you are nervous, but YOU are the one expected to do something. The first few times having a ritual can help to get over the first hurtle of how do we start. If you are in a hotel, send him for ice, have him turn back the bed (do NOT sit on the bedspreads in hotels. I've played in enough of them to know WHAT is on them. They do not wash them often enough.) If you're at home, have him make you a drink or perform some small service for you. Sit yourself on the bed/couch comfortably and order him to strip. Make him treat his clothes well.. make sure he hangs or folds things. Have him come over to the side of the bed/couch so you can have a look at him. Have him turn around, bend, twist, put arms above his head.. run your hands over him. Smack his tush lightly. Pinch his nipples. Grab a pillow and drop it on the floor at his feet. Take his hair or his shoulder and "force" him to his knees. Tug on his hair and ask him if he is ready to be your little bitch.. to give himself over to you. By this point, you should be a bit less nervous and you're over the hump of how to get started. In the beginning it can be helpful to have a brief outline of what you want to do in session.. It can be as detailed or brief as you like, (do be aware, that sometimes things change on the day.. you may not feel like doing X.. ) Do not be so hung up on your list that if something goes wrong it spoils everything. There will be times that something breaks, the sub has a pulled muscle and can't do X or such. Remember, your main thing is to have fun. This isn't something to stress you out. The first few times will be a bit nerve wracking just because they are new. That will iron out. You may even have a session just bomb. It happens. Sometimes things just don't come together. If this happens in one of the earlier sessions, realize it is just something that happens, don't give up. Here are a few links for you to read. sub drop/top drop & Aftercare http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/jerseyaftercare.htm sub experience checklist http://www.vanilla-not.com/reallife/checklist.html Good Girl's Guide to Female Domination http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html More on subdrop http://www.thedsgarden.com/subdrop.html more on aftercare http://www.iron-rose.com/IR/docs/aftercare.htm Flogging 101 http://no.place.like.home.mindspring.com/abbot/articles/jl980105.htm collars explained http://www.erotic-bdsm.net/Articles/The_Collar.html BDSM and the Law http://gloria-brame.com/domidea/rumpoule.htm Transformation, a transgender resource http://www.transformation.co.uk/resources.html Carolina groups http://groups.yahoo.com/group/carolinabdsm2/ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CarolinaBDSM/ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/blackmunchgroup/ (greensboro)

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: new domme (11/16/2004 2:25:02 AM)
BeachMystress has given some wonderful tips to get things started and break the ice. I am one for the Prior Proper Planning (The 3 P's as Claudia Varrin likes to call them), but I do not plan Myself into a corner. It is important to be able to be flexible, for you may not know what is going to work all of the time. It is good to have as much of an idea as possible of the subs fantasies, and see how you can work them into your session, so long as it is not an uncomfortable or unfamiliar type of play for you, yourself. If a client tells Me that he wants certain things I do not do, and he is insistant, I simply won't do the session. But I am speaking as a Pro here. I also make sure I have all the ropes, toys, etc. that I plan to use, and even a few extra things in case the session begins to move in another direction. For Me there is nothing more awkward than to realize I want to use My Whartenburg Wheel and realize it is tucked away on the other side of the house! I did enjoy Claudia's book, The Art Of Sensual Female Dominance, Hardy Haberman's Family Jewels, a guide to male genital play and torment, and the previously mentioned Erotic Bondage by Jay Weisman. Bondage does take some practice, should be used safely, and is always best to have a mentor to get you more familiar with the ins and outs of tying up a submissive. But it is an extremely sensual play for Me. I am personally reading and practicing with Midori's Japanese Bondage (Shibari) book at this time, but I state I am only learning, and I have been in the lifestyle since 1989. There are always new things to learn, or something that suddenly peaks your interest. Best of luck, and welcome...Take it slow, take a breath, relax and I am sure everything will be fine. And don't forget your sense of humor. Sometimes it can come in handy!

Sylverdawn -> RE: new domme (11/16/2004 3:43:02 AM)
You know what I love about this community of women, how supportive we are of each other.. Try Greenerypress.com its a great resource... I dont know where you are from but find a group that does demos at their meetings and attend.. and if your very lucky you will have a group of FemDom in your area that meet on a regular basis .. find one .. watch them and imitiate is the sincerest form of flattery.. S.. good luck and please email me if you have any questions hon.

thicknlovelydiva -> RE: new domme (11/16/2004 3:04:50 PM)
Thank you so much ladies, your advice has given me a lot of leads. I am sure that every thing will be fine. I will update you on my progress.

slavish -> RE: new domme (11/16/2004 4:14:42 PM)
Dear Mistress, if you'd like some one to talk to and to practice on - let me know.

Brindle -> RE: new domme (11/17/2004 10:33:28 AM)
fantastic info and sources - thank-you

Spankinatrix -> RE: new domme (11/17/2004 12:41:16 PM)
All the above information is fantastic- what a great community! I am a big fan of Greenery Press, myself, which is linked to a few posts above this. I would like to note one of my all time favorite FemDoms: Goddess Lakshimi, Ms World Leather 2004. She also a decandently thick and luscious African American FemDom. I met in her Detroit while at my first ever leather convention, and she and her slave (sweet limey) were simply wonderful to me. She continues to inspire me. You might consider dropping her an email, or reading a bit about her at: http://www.msworldleather.com/winner2003.html http://www.hour.ca/columns/messybedroom.aspx?iIDArticle=4248 http://www.glaks.org/bio-lak.html (her contact info can be found on this site)

Strictlyred -> RE: new domme (11/18/2004 10:33:03 AM)
What I found very useful was a wondeful friend of mine who happened to be a sub.. we walked thru sessions..he taught me many things.. no pressure because I was learning and he knew this.. At the end of one of our sessions he commented on how real it felt and how much he enjoyed being able to laugh and have fun thru out a play..

MsMeg -> RE: new domme (11/21/2004 9:08:15 AM)
Hello ThicknLovely. Your post is one near and dear to my heart because somehow people think Dominant's do not get nervous, never have questions, know all, etc. While in session I like to portray that attitdude, lol, it simply is not true. My mantra to new folks is simple: We ALL had our first time at some point! I love the replies here and especially BeachMystress probably because it mirrors my own thoughts and ideas. One thing I'd like to add by way of a tip to new Dommes: I lay my toys (limited as they were in the beginning) out in order of INTENSITY. Left to Right was softest to harshest. This way when I got nervous I didn't have to worry about grabbing a toy that was too much too soon for my partner. I went in order (as I predetermined by testing them on myself and imaginging how the scene might go) and this also helped me afterward to let my partner know which toy I used when. I found out early on many ask me this question and it helped to keep them in order. Another ritual I love and have done since the beginning was to sit on the edge of the bed (hotel) or chair/couch (at home) and have my partner get down on the floor and rub/worship my feet. I spend these few minutes chatting and relaxing and allowing them to connect with me on a more intimate level but not TOO intimate ;-) Hope this helps and most of all, ENJOY yourself and your partners in a safe, sane and consensual way! Ms. Meg

MistressFire70 -> RE: new domme (11/22/2004 7:54:32 PM)
Hi! Here's the PEPFORPOC info I promised. Great ideas and resources posted! http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PEPFORPOC Fire

Marisa -> RE: new domme (11/24/2004 10:35:30 AM)
What a wonderful group of people! I enjoyed reading all the information shared by each of you. I am fairly new to the D/s lifestyle myself and I am always looking to learn more. I just spent the past two hours going to the various sites suggested by some of you. Then of course, there are many other links to check out at each site. Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts! Marisa

SwPuno -> RE: new domme (11/26/2004 3:01:28 PM)
thicknlovelydiva, As a mostly submissive male switch may I also add that some subs actually like to help a new domme ease into the scene and blossom into being all that they can be by being their servant, playtoy, whatever, as long as they have recognizably sincere assurance that safety is a high priority and that they will adjust accordingly if given any agreed upon signals that things are going off track or too far. Also, it is sort of like speaking in front of a group of people. Unless the audience contains people who already do not like you for some reason, then they are people who want you to succeed and will give you some allowances or help in order to achieve that goal. The best of luck to you and welcome to the community.

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