what would you do?

what would you do? (Full Version)

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cutiewithabootie -> what would you do? (8/6/2013 7:41:40 AM)
So many submissives seem to ask how to submit or they offer personal information about their dominant partner's behind their backs. On this forum I have seen a lot of embaressing/and sexual information that I wouldn't want a group of strangers to know. Being a private natured person this would embaress me. How would you Dominant Ladies/Dominant natured people feel if your submissive shared sexual information on a forum or if they questioned your methods with other dominants? What do you think your reaction would be? Let me know

kalikshama -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 7:59:54 AM)
Like this? Fibro, school, house of 6

sunshinemiss -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 8:12:37 AM)
I'm not dominant, but I am fairly private. I think this is not really a D vs.s question so much as a level of privacy question. Jobs, personalities, family situations are factors more so than which side of the kneel someone is on in my estimation. I wonder if what you are seeing in the posts is more of an experienced vs. inexperienced factor. People new to the lifestyle or in a new relationship are often confused about norms and expectations. The boards are a way to ask questions that people sometimes feel weird about asking others in real life. Further, how do you know it is behind the Dom's back? More than once Ive seen people directed to ask fairly private questions on the boards. Even if it is behind the Dom's back, sometimes the questions are about safety. No matter who I am or am not involved with, when push comes to shove, it is MY RESPONSIBILITY to maintain my safety. If I am with someone who makes me wonder about my safety, asking how to handle it, am I overreacting, etc. seems like a reasonable thing to do. If it is someone new to the lifestyle, they probably don't have a confidant outside of the boards. If they aren't new and are airing their dirty laundry, I expect that it will be handled... either by the Dom or, as I've seen several times, by the community educating the person... or losing respect for them. best, sunshine

sunshinemiss -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 8:19:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama Like this? Fibro, school, house of 6 you have cmail.

cutiewithabootie -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 8:31:08 AM)
@sunshine- I'm saying I've seen things like "how do I handle bad sex?" And posts like "my dominant isn't dominant enough" or "my dominant is wierd and/or embaressing" I'm guessing most people don't tell their partners about the forum posts when some of these says "how do I ask/tell them XYZ" Clearly you mis understood my post or maybe you are in a bad mood. Either way why would you respond to a forum post if you have no answer? Did I offend you somehow?

kalikshama -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 8:40:48 AM)
??? She did answer, and quite well I thought.

LadyPact -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 8:53:39 AM)
I'm actually just waking up in My time zone but I'll try to answer this so that it makes sense. When I'm in a dynamic, if a decision has been made and a submissive tries coming to these boards to garner support for a decision to be overturned (or try other forms of manipulation, for that matter) that's not going to go well for the submissive. For a very long time I had a sig line that read, "I appreciate your opinion and all, but My dynamic is not a democracy and you don't get a vote." I'm the same way about other people's dynamics. I may have an opinion about them. However, at the end of the day, I respect the fact that the decision and the authority isn't Mine. It belongs to the Dominant that the submissive has given the power and that ain't Me. That decision power goes for sexual topics as well. If the Dominant in that situation approves of their sub discussing their sex life, I don't get to say much about it, even though it's not something I would want a submissive of Mine doing. I will admit that I'm biased in this area because I do happen to believe if the Dominant and the submissive have any kind of ownership as a part of their dynamic or even an objectification kink, the Dominant has every right to discuss their property in any way that they wish. Edited for clarity. Too early in the AM and not enough Diet Pepsi.

MissJadeCrystal -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 9:03:43 AM)
If it was without consent, he would be punished once I found out, and instructed on how to correct his mistakes. If he committed the mistake again, I would probably renounce him as a submissive (or slave) depending on the severity of it and his attitude and mentality behind it (but would not renounce him as a SO).

freedomdwarf1 -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 9:18:14 AM)
FR~ To me, if any sub/slave has felt the need to consult a board/forum such as these, then there has been a serious breakdown somewhere in the dynamic/relationship that needs to be addressed between the two/three involved in it. I personally, wouldn't chastise the sub/slave either. Surely the blame is just as great, if not greater, on the part of the master/dom than that of the slave/sub? If the sub/slave cannot approach the master/dom in order to resolve an important issue, then IMHO the slave/sub needs to leave or the dom/master is an asshat (or both).

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 10:10:06 AM)
This: quote: ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1 FR~ To me, if any sub/slave has felt the need to consult a board/forum such as these, then there has been a serious breakdown somewhere in the dynamic/relationship that needs to be addressed between the two/three involved in it. I personally, wouldn't chastise the sub/slave either. Surely the blame is just as great, if not greater, on the part of the master/dom than that of the slave/sub? If the sub/slave cannot approach the master/dom in order to resolve an important issue, then IMHO the slave/sub needs to leave or the dom/master is an asshat (or both). I would be mortified if my s-type came to this board with an issue. It would mean there was a total communication failure, and as the dominant, I have to take responsibility for that. I see it as a serious call for help, a relationship SOS if you will. It would not mean (for me at least) that it was over, but it would mean things needed to be resolved and that needs to be a high priority.

OsideGirl -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 10:13:35 AM)
This isn't a cut and dried of a question as you would like it to be. For a novice, asking questions on a forum may be the only way they know how to get feed back about their situation. Especially, if they live in a rural/low kink area or are with a partner that cuts off contact with outside resources. Honestly, if the D type in situation claims experience, then I view that as a failure on the part of the Dominant to be a source of information for their S. For people that are more experienced or have had a long term relationship, I view it as a failure on both parts. I can tell you that if I came to the boards and aired our dirty laundry, Master would not be happy, but he wouldn't punish me for it. He'd view that going to strangers rather than talking to him was a sign that something was very wrong in our relationship and that we needed to do some serious work on us.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 11:38:25 AM)
What Oside said. It's not just a D/s thing though. Many people in relationships occasionally need someone to talk to, to get an outsider perspective or express worries. Often people do it when they know the answer and just want some comfort or confirmation. It's usually the role of a best friend to listen, but if you don't have a best friend, or if your relationship problem is something they won't understand, it can feel isolating. And the anonymity of a message board can seem like a safer place to vent than to a person who actually knows the other party and might think badly of them as a result. A lot of airing of dirty laundry is actually a case of someone saying 'I'm unhappy - please tell me I'm not wrong'. By the time it gets to that point, the problem is so much bigger than simply sharing information online. edit for typo

sunshinemiss -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 12:03:55 PM)
ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie @sunshine- I'm saying I've seen things like "how do I handle bad sex?" And posts like "my dominant isn't dominant enough" or "my dominant is wierd and/or embaressing" These are examples of experienced vs. inexperienced in my opinion. Someone who has been around the block wouldn't pull such nonsense... and if they did, I expect it would be handled... as I noted in a previous post. I'm guessing most people don't tell their partners about the forum posts when some of these says "how do I ask/tell them XYZ" Some do, some don't. Clearly you mis understood my post I did not misunderstand. or maybe you are in a bad mood. You don't know me, so perhaps you aren't aware that if I am in a bad mood, there is no mistaking it... Either way why would you respond to a forum post if you have no answer? I did have a perfectly acceptable answer. Some might even say it was reasonable. Did I offend you somehow? I don't know you from borscht, so no. best, sunshine

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 5:54:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie How would you Dominant Ladies/Dominant natured people feel if your submissive shared sexual information on a forum or if they questioned your methods with other dominants? What do you think your reaction would be? Let me know Honestly? Of course I'd be upset about it. When I have a submissive, I keep the lines of communication open, so I'd like to think he is able to talk to me about anything. If he's not, I'm doing something wrong. I certainly don't like sexual information about me discussed with other people and I'd rather not have him go behind my back to question other Dominants re: my methods either. I'm actually rather easy to talk to, or so I'm told, so I'd rather he came right to me with any issues so we could discuss it first, before feeling the need to go anywhere else. Of course, if he really really really insisted on going to the forums with it, I'd rather he had the sense to do it with a sock profile so no one knew it was my personal business he was broadcasting. We all know socks are not supposed to happen, but we all also know a goodly bunch of people do it anyway. NBMG

JeffBC -> RE: what would you do? (8/6/2013 10:44:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie How would you Dominant Ladies/Dominant natured people feel if your submissive shared sexual information on a forum This would not embarrass me but to generalize the question, I'd be stunned more than anything if Carol did something which embarrassed me in public. We've been together a long time. She knows me well enough to know what would embarrass me. If it was simply a result of "new relationship so she didn't know me that well" I'd ask her not to do it again. If it was something more sinister I'd divorce her. quote: or if they questioned your methods with other dominants? I'd be curious to know what answers she got and I'd want to discuss them with her. In this situation it's likely that I have something to learn both about her and about me. If the nature of the questions indicated she didn't trust me I'd be mortified that I'd become so untrustworthy in her eyes and I'd be asking myself how I'd screwed up so badly then seeking to repair the damage I'd done. edited to add (after catching up) I'm saying I've seen things like "how do I handle bad sex?" And posts like "my dominant isn't dominant enough or "my dominant is weird" These would all fall into the category of "I'd be very interested in discussing both the question and answer with her." Sounds like I've got a lot of learning to do so best get to it. or "my dominant is embarrassing" Summary divorce... after an almost 20 year long marriage I'd toss it away for that. Well... potentially she could save the marriage but man that's a deep, deep hole she dug herself into.

DesFIP -> RE: what would you do? (8/7/2013 9:59:34 AM)
Not everyone has issues with their sexuality. I can discuss it in an almost clinical manner because I'm not conflicted and thus I'm not ashamed of what I do. Anymore than I'm conflicted about discussing depression and other mental and physical illnesses in the house. There are, alas, many people who feel it's shameful to admit to having a bout of depression and thus they do not get treatment. There are also people who suffer lasting heart damage because they are in denial about their symptoms. As they say in AA, you're only as sick as your secrets. After reading the additional posts, frequently bad sex just means that you need some education and you need to learn how to communicate your expectations. Obviously if the couple are not sufficiently knowledgeable about sex, there's a high chance it won't be great. So if you can get info that will help improve it, why not? In my view, a closed mind is a great thing to lose. Same about lack of communication skills. Unfortunately schools teach how to have sex safely, no diseases, no unwanted pregnancy. But they don't teach relationship skills nor communication skills. There would be less divorce if they did. If coming to the boards can get you sent to a link on fair fighting, which will teach you how to handle disagreements without damaging the relationship, I count that as a good thing. Assuming both halves of the couple are desirous of keeping the relationship strong instead of winning over the other.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: what would you do? (8/9/2013 4:53:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie So many submissives seem to ask how to submit or they offer personal information about their dominant partner's behind their backs. On this forum I have seen a lot of embaressing/and sexual information that I wouldn't want a group of strangers to know. Being a private natured person this would embaress me. How would you Dominant Ladies/Dominant natured people feel if your submissive shared sexual information on a forum or if they questioned your methods with other dominants? What do you think your reaction would be? Let me know I actually tell everyone everything. If you tell me you like sheep...and you've sent me photos....I'll have a web page....with pictures of you and the sheep up within 30 minutes. (For those of you that that like normal stuff like diapers, ear wax, sex with ducks, and tin foil hats with vaseline on multiple parts of your and my body.....those photos stay private....{obviously}).

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