just blame the Dom/me

just blame the Dom/me (Full Version)

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cutiewithabootie -> just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 9:30:28 AM)
So many time I have seen a situation where a submissive seems to just be embaressing. I think a lot of us has been out in public and saw a submissive type guest that was really just too much. I was curious about the Dominant perspective. Do you feel this is bad training on the Dominants part or lack of knowledge on the submissives part? How do you feel when you see these bad behaved submissives in public? Have any of you been embaressed by your partner in a public setting? How did you handle it?

OsideGirl -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 9:45:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie So many time I have seen a situation where a submissive seems to just be embaressing. I think a lot of us has been out in public and saw a submissive type guest that was really just too much. I was curious about the Dominant perspective. Do you feel this is bad training on the Dominants part or lack of knowledge on the submissives part? How do you feel when you see these bad behaved submissives in public? You're assuming that just because you find their behavior displeasing, that the Dominant involved also finds that behavior displeasing. It's not up to you to decide what is proper behavior for that relationship. quote: Have any of you been embaressed by your partner in a public setting? How did you handle it? Being involved in BDSM D/s doesn't remove our ability to be fallible. Of course, every one of us has at some point been embarrassed by a partner or embarrassed our partner in public. Just like in vanilla life.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 10:13:42 AM)
Oside, you're making way too much sense...again.

Arturas -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 10:47:49 AM)
quote: 1) Do you feel this is bad training on the Dominants part or lack of knowledge on the submissives part? 2) How do you feel when you see these bad behaved submissives in public? 3) Have any of you been embaressed by your partner in a public setting? How did you handle it? 1) The master is responsible. 2) It is not my problem. 3) Yes. I grab her handle. It is good to be Master. Arturas

getoutnow -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 10:50:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arturas 1) The master is responsible. Of course, he is responsible for everything. Like when its supposed to be sunny, there is a quick shower instead. Gimme a break. /sarcasm

Arturas -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 10:52:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: getoutnow quote: ORIGINAL: Arturas 1) The master is responsible. Of course, he is responsible for everything. Like when its supposed to be sunny, there is a quick shower instead. Gimme a break. /sarcasm It's a three part question. There is no partial credit.

myotherself -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 10:53:17 AM)
I've never been embarrassed by sub/slave behaviour at a kink event. I usually believe that the sub/slave's behaviour is a result of their dominant's instruction. I don't interfere or judge their kink, and I don't expect them to interfere in mine. I couldn't give a rat's ass if they judge my kink, as long as they keep their opinions to themselves. The only time I was ever irritated by a slave at an event was when the female slave in question was very drunk, very loud, foul-mouthed and crude. Basically, the kind of yobbish behaviour you find outside a shitty bar at 2am on a friday night in any city. I then saw her dominant, who was similarly "indisposed". The slave's behaviour had nothing to do with BDSM and everything to do with two drunken assholes enabling each other and encouraging each other to behave badly.

DarkSteven -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 11:23:07 AM)
I was once. First date. She made a vocal pass at a random woman and grabbed my crotch when nobody was looking. I simply dumped her.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 11:44:26 AM)
FR I would only blame the dom for their poor taste in partners. In reality, people come with personalities. It's very, very hard to change someone's core personality short of crushing them totally and I'd question whether it was morally right to do so. If someone behaves like a dick, the blame is on their own shoulders. If someone consistently behaves like a dick, I suppose I do judge their partner - not for failing to control it as such, but more that by staying with them there's an implied acceptance of the bad behaviour. I think if a person is basically rude, selfish or arrogant at the core, it's bound to slip out occasionally even if their partner is the very model of a domly dom.

DesFIP -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 12:49:31 PM)
Seems to be a sneaky way of saying "look what a perfect slave I am instead of X". Unless he's upset with her, she isn't embarrassing him. The fact that you run your relationship differently doesn't matter. You may not be allowed to say anything except Yes Sir and No Sir. Doesn't mean the rest of us have to go in for bimbo-ification and pretending we had a lobotomy. Some of us are with guys who really like having a smart partner.

getoutnow -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 1:16:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Some of us are with guys who really like having a smart partner. Exactly! Could not agree more. (in my case gals) :)

Missokyst -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 1:23:36 PM)
FR Spot on. As far as submissive behavior goes, does this imply that we lose our humanity when we are submissive? Do we suddenly change ~ala Stepford wives to become exactly the same as the next submissive? Do we all kneel the same way if at all? Come on, it is not a submissive behaving badly and supposedly tainting her dominant as a result. It is a HUMAN, with a personality which may or may not be crass. Unless you are into preening because you view yourself as perfection and everyone else is coming up lower than dirt unless they do "A or B" the way you do, then the only thing that matters is if they find themselves compatible. Personally, bad spelling embarrasses me.[8\|] quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Seems to be a sneaky way of saying "look what a perfect slave I am instead of X". Unless he's upset with her, she isn't embarrassing him. The fact that you run your relationship differently doesn't matter. You may not be allowed to say anything except Yes Sir and No Sir. Doesn't mean the rest of us have to go in for bimbo-ification and pretending we had a lobotomy. Some of us are with guys who really like having a smart partner.

Arturas -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 1:50:59 PM)
FR Being embarrassing is not a sign of intelligence or a sign you lack it and it is not state unique to a BDSM submissive. However, the communication and correction method used by a BDSM Dom can be unique just as is his method of making love. Arturas

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 5:30:53 PM)
Do you feel this is bad training on the Dominants part or lack of knowledge on the submissives part? Well, if the Dominant instructs the submissive on how s/he is expected to act, there should be no lack of knowledge on the submissive's part. Unless it was something so unexpected that it wasn't even addressed in the previous instructions. How do you feel when you see these bad behaved submissives in public? I'm so damn glad s/he's not mine!! Seriously, though, it's not my business if someone else's submissive acts in a way I don't approve of. Now, if s/he acts that way towards me, it is my business. Then I will talk to her/his Dominant about the behavior. Have any of you been embaressed by your partner in a public setting? How did you handle it? I have been once. It was something I hadn't previously addressed because it was a behavior I never imagined in my wildest nightmares would ever take place. I pulled him aside and talked to him about it privately and it never happened again. NBMG

OsideGirl -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 5:48:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl Seriously, though, it's not my business if someone else's submissive acts in a way I don't approve of. Now, if s/he acts that way towards me, it is my business. Then I will talk to her/his Dominant about the behavior. Part of the problem is what some people "don't approve of". Master has received numerous complaints from "Dominant men" about me. They range from telling him that I shouldn't be wearing panties to idiots that thought I didn't behave submissively towards them.

JeffBC -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 8:42:36 PM)
1) I don't know if it's bad training or not since I don't know the D's goals. What i do know is I wouldn't allow either of them in my social circle. 2) I am thankful that Carol is my wife 3) No. Carol has never embarrassed me in public or private to the best of my recollection. If this occurred more than just random and very, very rare "bad hair days" she'd be divorced. I don't necessarily think the master is responsible. I'd need to know what sort of relationship they had before I could make that judgement. In an IE relationship then yes, the buck stops at his desk.. period.

WarMachine904 -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 8:43:21 PM)
As most have already pointed out, the only real question is if the Dominant was embarrassed by the subs behavior. Maybe the sub was acting exactly the way that the Dominant has trained him/her. That being said, if the Dominant was embarrassed, then IMHO it is the Dominant's responsibility. There are no bad followers, only bad leaders. If you cannot inspire someone to follow you, then you are not an effective leader. I believe that being a good Dominant involves being an effective leader.

LadyPact -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 8:50:09 PM)
Do you feel this is bad training on the Dominants part or lack of knowledge on the submissives part? It completely depends. I don't really feel that I should have to train basic manners. I may have to teach protocols and such, but I shouldn't have to teach them areas of common courtesy that they should have learned from their mother. I also shouldn't have to educate on ethics. If somebody doesn't already know that lying and stealing aren't the decent way to conduct themselves, they missed some life lessons before hitting eighteen. How do you feel when you see these bad behaved submissives in public? I accept that some people conduct their dynamics in different ways than I do. Have any of you been embaressed by your partner in a public setting? How did you handle it? Yes. It was handled by speaking very quietly to the submissive to the tune of "I am completely embarrassed by what you just did and it's something that I would have been ashamed if My children had tried to pull that. If we were not in public, I'd punish you on the spot. Since we are, you can absolutely expect to receive a punishment when we get home."

NuevaVida -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 9:39:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie So many time I have seen a situation where a submissive seems to just be embaressing. I think a lot of us has been out in public and saw a submissive type guest that was really just too much. I was curious about the Dominant perspective. Do you feel this is bad training on the Dominants part or lack of knowledge on the submissives part? How do you feel when you see these bad behaved submissives in public? Have any of you been embaressed by your partner in a public setting? How did you handle it? People are who they are. I'm not embarrassed by other people's actions. If the Dominant was OK with the sub's behavior, then it's not for me to bother thinking about. Then again, if the Dominant was NOT ok with the sub's behavior, it's not for me to bother thinking about. In my relationship, he didn't have to train me on how to conduct myself - I already had that part down. If he didn't like how I conducted myself, I imagine he'd have gotten into a relationship with someone else.

BamaD -> RE: just blame the Dom/me (8/6/2013 10:00:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl Seriously, though, it's not my business if someone else's submissive acts in a way I don't approve of. Now, if s/he acts that way towards me, it is my business. Then I will talk to her/his Dominant about the behavior. Part of the problem is what some people "don't approve of". Master has received numerous complaints from "Dominant men" about me. They range from telling him that I shouldn't be wearing panties to idiots that thought I didn't behave submissively towards them. If they aren't my sub, they have no reason to act submissive toward me. (exception the Dom/Domme told them to for some reason, and that is between them, not my problem)

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