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Greta75 -> RE: forcing me to out myself... please need some input (12/30/2013 9:10:44 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Gauge
quote:
ORIGINAL: Theredmusiclover
Im new, have my first Dom. Things have been going really good. I asked him last night for a new rule. Something to move us forward a bit more. Today he told me my new rule. A little back story... No one knows who he is to me except my mentor on here. My loved ones have judged me in the past when i told them of my need to submit. Even my best friend doesn't know he's my Dom. My rule is to refer to him as daddy to her and to tell who why when she asks. He also considered me telling my coworkers too because we talk about sex and our personal lives. Honestly im stunned about this rule. This will put a strain on my friendship because she will judge it and talk bad about it. Plus it feels like its forcing it down her throat. I honestly am really angry about this rule. To meddle in my relationship with others i think is wrong. He's my Dom but he doesn't have full control over my life and we've only been seeing each other about a month. Maybe im being a drama queen or something but honestly i just lost a lot of trust and respect for him. He knows i don't talk to anyone aabout being a sub because i don't feel like i can. When i have in the past i was judged for it. For him to try and force me to do it honestly makes me want to cry. It was hard enough last go around when i wasn't even a sub just thought i had sub tendencies.
Submitted for your approval:
The first lesson here is never to ask a dumb question like you asked. Please take that constructively because that is the mode in which it is offered. You asked for a new rule and this person gave it to you and you didn't like it and it has now caused problems. Let's put aside for the moment that it was a horrible rule to give you. You are not to blame for the result but you did ask the question. Now with that said let's examine the ridiculous rule you were given.
One thing that hit me from your post is that you need to be comfortable with what and who you are. If you need to submit and you are a submissive then there is nothing to be ashamed of and be damned anyone that doesn't like that about you. Who gives a shit about what someone else thinks when you are comfortable with who you are? So, please get comfortable with your need to submit. Now, if your friends and family do not understand this about you, that is fine, there is no need to try to convince them otherwise, let them believe what they want... because they will anyway no matter what you do.
What this "Dominant" said to you was absolutely out of line. You would no more march into a crowded building and shout at the top of your voice that you are into bondage and need to submit than you would go into your job and do the same thing. Your "Dominant" has insecurities that are fairly glaring as evidenced from his "rule" and from his reaction to you after you said you hated the rule. "You should be proud you have a daddy dominant so go scream it from the rooftops!" Yeah well, you should be proud to have a Dominant but seeing as you don't go around yelling to perfect strangers that you are a submissive, no one else really has to know about it, do they? I mean it only serves to humiliate you and potentially damage your current or possibly future employment, right? It could divide your friends and family, right? Most of all it has hurt you deeply... right? What this Dominant is trying to do is stroke his own ego at your expense and not giving a shit about the fallout it will cause for you... that is not a dominant, that is an idiot.
I learned a tough lesson a long time ago and I am not ashamed to admit it here because it serves as an example of something that hurt someone but at the same time it also allowed my relationship with my slave to grow. One evening I got the bright idea that I was going to try out some humiliation on my slave so, something came up and I began to berate her and I called her worthless. She got quiet and began to shiver and she ran into the bedroom crying. I had no clue what had just happened until I asked her what was wrong. Here I came to find out that she actually did feel worthless from years of mental abuse and I struck a nerve with her. God did I feel about an inch tall and felt like a world class heel. It took time for me to explain to her that I didn't view her as worthless but that I was trying my hand at "humiliation" but here is the kicker, we never discussed it before I tried it. I was all about being a dominant and I didn't think to discuss my desires with my slave. I sound like an asshole, right? Well, I am not. I care deeply for people in general, I care that much more for those that I love and I felt like shit for hurting her. I learned a valuable lesson that evening and I now will take my time and talk about things with my next slave/submissive that trusts me enough to call me Sir. Please don't judge me too harshly because I made a mistake and it was a hard one to learn from, but I did learn from it.
My point is that I didn't get all bent out of shape when I realized that I had hurt someone I cared about. I took steps to make it right. I also was humble enough to realize I had fucked up and I vowed to never do it again. Your "Dominant" just cares about his ego and he is butthurt because you aren't "proud" of him. Well, he hasn't earned that pride from you, nor should he until he makes it right. The fact that he has not cared enough to realize he made you feel like shit and thinks you are either being unreasonable or disobedient means that he doesn't care about you, just himself and how he looks. He needs a lesson and you are in a position to teach it to him. Tell him that you both need to talk about something very serious and the result of that talk will determine if he will remain in charge of you or not. If he can't handle that then he has told you everything that you need to know about your future with him and you should move along and find someone that will treat you with care and love.
I wish you luck. Please let us know how it turns out for you. You deserve to be happy.
I wish there was a "Like" button, because I wanted to "Like" this a thousand times! I'm so glad you shared Gauge, I thought the way you handled your situation with your sub was with so much honour and authentic domliness ha.
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