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RE: Showing a Little Initiative - 8/9/2013 3:47:14 PM

Kana

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She has wide latitude in certain areas.In these, initiative is not only encouraged but expected.
Some of these are basic life things-she's an adult, I treat her like one and she acts like one.There's zero need for my interference there.
Other areas involve how she cares for me, whether it be cooking or maybe getting something for me. There, the latitude is a little less.
She knows what I like, how I like it, and knows the anticipating my needs will please me and make my life easier.
Then there's areas she's given little to no latitude in.
Sex is one.
Others have involved things such as going back to school, career stuff, all sorts of just plain life shit.

But, as she mentioned a while back,she doesn't initiate sex. Not because she's scared or anything, just cuz that's not how she's wired.Crazy thing-gal can be horny as a rabid bunny strung out on coke and Spanish fly when I get her going, but otherwise, she doesn't even masturbate.Me, I prime the pump, that's all. That's my role in her life. :-)

< Message edited by Kana -- 8/9/2013 4:39:00 PM >

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RE: Showing a Little Initiative - 8/9/2013 3:56:06 PM

deliriuminabox

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Kana's descriptions of littlewonder make me want to be a fly on the wall ...

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RE: Showing a Little Initiative - 8/9/2013 4:36:30 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: deliriuminabox

Kana's descriptions of littlewonder make me want to be a fly on the wall ...

You'd die of boredom.
Most of the time we're just a lovey couple.
The command/control is always there, but she's not bound, gagged and plugged kneeling on gravel in the corner (Yet. That starts next week). It's more like 50's style wife takes care of her man sorta stuff. Cooks, cleans, does laundry etc...
(I owned a geisha once-you wanna talk about a gal who knew how to take care of a guy. Whoooooooa Nellie, that gal was aces.I know, I know, I'm a male chauvinist swine)

Until the kink starts. Even then, it's usually just brutal sex-slapping her, plastic bags on her head, trying to lift her up by the tits, using a belt on her cunt in between fuckings,lots of biting and pinching, that sorta stuff.

No wild shibari or anything like that.

Well that, and the 250 whacks I've been giving every time I come by.yeah, that's kinda unboring the way she squirms :-)

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RE: Showing a Little Initiative - 8/9/2013 6:07:16 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
You'd die of boredom. Most of the time we're just a lovey couple.

LOL, ain't that the truth? I think someone could live with us for 2 weeks and not get a hint of much of anything. There's no real kink going on and commands tend to come in the form of, "Honey, when you get to the next breaking point would you get me a fresh cup of coffee?"

It's all so terribly underwhelming. You'd have to be there in one of those rare moments when I was actively jerking her mind around to a new viewpoint to really understand anything. Anyone who saw one of those moments might well get freaked out enough to drop us as friends.

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RE: Showing a Little Initiative - 8/9/2013 6:20:56 PM

deliriuminabox

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Until the kink starts. Even then, it's usually just brutal sex-slapping her, plastic bags on her head, trying to lift her up by the tits, using a belt on her cunt in between fuckings,lots of biting and pinching, that sorta stuff.

I'll be in my bunk.

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RE: Showing a Little Initiative - 8/9/2013 7:37:50 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I feel bad a lot of times that I don't take initiative and don't have a high libido like him and I don't think about sex and/or playing much but I'm really not sure what I can do about that.

If I recall correctly, you have some health conditions that can quash libido. That's life, and from reading your posts over the years it's evident that your partner loves you dearly the way you are so there's no need to feel inadequate. Take the pressure off!

Oh I know. I know he loves me and it's not a huge pressure. It's just something that goes through my head from time to time. I know why my libido isn't high. It's never really been high except when I was a teenager...hormones and all that. It's due to my chronic depression and the meds I take for it.

But like Master said, once he gets me going, then I'm good to go.

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RE: Showing a Little Initiative - 8/9/2013 8:55:45 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
Does it feel like topping from the bottom? We both think that concept is ludicrous.

I do, too.

Why is it ludicrous? I do that all the time...

He allows what he allows. If I ask for something and he allows it - - it's his choice. If I manipulate him, it's because he's allowed it - whether by choice or by not paying attention or by not being aware enough - but he allowed it. In the end, it's his choice.

If he wasn't aware, then he wouldn't be very dominant over me, so that idea is kind of ruled out with us. So going with the idea that he is the one leading and managing the relationship, and the way we move forward is the way he chooses to move us forward, anything I do to influence that is ultimately his agreement to do so. He's still on "top," so to speak.

To me, unless he says "I want you to lead us for the next week" or something like that, he's still the boss and all that goes on goes on with his approval. The only way I could top from the bottom is if he hands the reigns over, and I take them.

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RE: Showing a Little Initiative - 8/9/2013 9:17:42 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
He allows what he allows. If I ask for something and he allows it - - it's his choice. If I manipulate him, it's because he's allowed it - whether by choice or by not paying attention or by not being aware enough - but he allowed it. In the end, it's his choice.

In the end this is why I favor the "bottoming from the top" view. If I allow Carol to manipulate me that's all on me. I'm the guy who supposed to be in charge. Conveniently for me Carol is not a manipulative person. The few little manipulative patterns she did have I simply pointed out which mortified her and they stopped promptly.

I'm not at all convinced, though, that Ishtar is talking about the same thing we are. I really don't see her as the sort to do these types of behaviors because it'd conflict with her sense of honor just as it does Carols and I suspect yours Nueva. The thing I don't understand about Ishtar's question is that I thought she wasn't "on the bottom" exactly. I wouldn't have thought she COULD top from the bottom.

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RE: Showing a Little Initiative - 8/10/2013 7:16:36 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
He allows what he allows. If I ask for something and he allows it - - it's his choice. If I manipulate him, it's because he's allowed it - whether by choice or by not paying attention or by not being aware enough - but he allowed it. In the end, it's his choice.

In the end this is why I favor the "bottoming from the top" view. If I allow Carol to manipulate me that's all on me. I'm the guy who supposed to be in charge. Conveniently for me Carol is not a manipulative person. The few little manipulative patterns she did have I simply pointed out which mortified her and they stopped promptly.

I totally relate to this. I'm afraid I can't even try to manipulate him.

quote:

I'm not at all convinced, though, that Ishtar is talking about the same thing we are. I really don't see her as the sort to do these types of behaviors because it'd conflict with her sense of honor just as it does Carols and I suspect yours Nueva. The thing I don't understand about Ishtar's question is that I thought she wasn't "on the bottom" exactly. I wouldn't have thought she COULD top from the bottom.

I honestly can't say where Ishtar is coming from and I am interested in her take on this.

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