Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel

Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (Full Version)

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Gauge -> Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/6/2013 5:34:17 PM)
Here is the object of this thread: This is not an actual advice thread but one where the more absurd the advice you give, the better. How it works: After you have given your Really, Really Bad Advice to someone, then you must ask for some advice. The Disclaimer: Please be aware that the advice given in this thread is not to be followed. If you, in fact, do follow the advice given to you, you only have yourself to blame if you are maimed, killed, molested by a small woodland creature, ridiculed by children or adults, arrested, involuntarily committed to a mental institution, dragged out into the street by 12 angry Chinese men all named Earl and beaten severely about the head and neck with stuffed pink bunnies, or asked to move from your City, State, Country, Continent or Planet. Additionally, if you do follow this terrible advice we here at CM will have a hearty laugh at your expense and we promise to never let you forget it. One more thing, if you do follow the advice you should be sedated, stuffed into a trunk and forced to listen to every song by Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj for the rest of your natural life... and on into the afterlife. The Beginning Question: My neighbor has a dog that does nothing but bark all day and night. What should I do?

jlf1961 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/6/2013 7:10:32 PM)
Tell them to move to the country in west texas so they can hear the coyotes sing all night, then dog has someone to talk to. Simple. How do I get my PitBull pup from eating shoes, rugs, walls....?

MasterCaneman -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/6/2013 7:18:06 PM)
Then you're supposed to ask a question, so someone else can give you bad advice.

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/6/2013 7:37:51 PM)
How can I get people to follow instructions for posting on this thread?

KMsAngel -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 12:23:35 AM)
staple it to their forehead how can i buy my island and retire there comfortably?

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 1:10:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KMsAngel staple it to their forehead how can i buy my island and retire there comfortably? Invest heavily in my pyramid scheme. It's awesome. All you have to do to get started is send me two hundred bucks and I'll get you a starter kit and once you recruit six people and they each recruit six people... I want to use tampons but I'm afraid I won't be a virgin any more, what should I do?

TNDommeK -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 2:50:09 AM)
(Hahaha, I literally died laughing when I read your question.) You should insert the tampon in your mouth and turn upside down. That way, nothing goes in the other end and steals your virginity. I have this thing on my lip, it keeps leaking...how do I get rid of it?

tommonymous -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 6:23:01 AM)
No need. I can tell from here that it's just fine. My girlfriend had the police tell me she doesn't want me hanging around outside her window at night anymore. How do I win the bitch back?

MasterCaneman -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 7:43:08 AM)
That's easy. Go find a biker bar and walk up to two of the biggest, meanest, most psychotic-looking guys there. Extra points if they have "1%er" and "TCOB" patches on their vests. Pay them to "kidnap" her and take her to their clubhouse, where you'll swoop in to "rescue" her. She'll think you're her hero and love you forever and ever, guaranteed. I'm sick and tired of paying my taxes and all these durn laws and regulations tellin' me what I can and can't do. What should I do about it?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 10:11:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman I'm sick and tired of paying my taxes and all these durn laws and regulations tellin' me what I can and can't do. What should I do about it? What I would do is declare your home a sovereign country separate from the United States. Put up large border fences around your property and be sure to patrol because you have just written your new laws abolishing taxes and establishing new laws and regulations that you like. Then call the press, announce what you have done and encourage other to do the same. I need to get a coffee maker but I am not sure what kind I should get. Any ideas?

MasterCaneman -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 10:25:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge I need to get a coffee maker but I am not sure what kind I should get. Any ideas? Oh, this is an easy one. All you have to do is to go around a wealthier neighborhood late at night while everyone is sleeping. Make sure you're wearing dark clothes and have surgical gloves, so you don't leave any unsightly fingerprints, break into ten houses at random and see what kind of coffeemaker they have. If no one's home, brew yourself a pot of coffee and sample it. If you start getting a little jittery from all the coffee, take a break and use their shower or hot tub to relax a bit. Use their computer, maybe have a little snack. Then leave and go on the next one. After you've sampled at least 8-10 different makes and models (do try to avoid houses with the same coffeemakers that you've already tried out), go online at one of the houses and order one for yourself using your credit card and have one sent to your house. Take all the time you need to shop around for the best price, especially if they're out of town or heavy sleepers.

theshytype -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 10:32:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge I need to get a coffee maker but I am not sure what kind I should get. Any ideas? Find a submissive on the other side, message her demanding she be your personal coffee maker. A true submissive would be happy to oblige. Once you set her up in your kitchen, put some coffee grounds and warm water in her mouth, grab her hair and shake her head back and forth until coffee is at desired strength. How can I make my local news station show only happy news? ETA: crap, MC, you beat me to it.

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 1:12:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theshytype How can I make my local news station show only happy news? Take a lot of LSD. My house renovations are taking forever. How can I speed up the process?

tommonymous -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 1:20:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Gauge My house renovations are taking forever. How can I speed up the process? The quickest way to be done with your project involves matches and lots of gasoline. I'm interested in damsel-in-distress. What's the best way to rescue my girlfriend from the clubhouse of a gang of angry bikers who I may or may not have paid to kidnap her? (Keep in mind that she won't know I'm coming, and may or may not recognize me from just outside her window.)

JeffBC -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 1:30:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tommonymous I'm interested in damsel-in-distress. What's the best way to rescue my girlfriend from the clubhouse of a gang of angry bikers who I may or may not have paid to kidnap her? (Keep in mind that she won't know I'm coming, and may or may not recognize me from just outside her window.) Remove all risk from her life by blowing up the clubhouse lock, stock & barrel. That'll keep her safe. What should I do if I try to release my slave and she refuses to be released?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 1:46:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC What should I do if I try to release my slave and she refuses to be released? Feed her to a giant python. I am not sure what I should get for dinner and I need to make up my mind soon. What should I do?

TNDommeK -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 3:34:59 PM)
Funniest thread ever!

Kana -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 3:41:50 PM)
quote: I am not sure what I should get for dinner and I need to make up my mind soon. What should I do? First,get real smoked up to help with the decision process. Then, because anywhere but the fridge is way to far, eat that old bologna lurking in the back of the meat drawer. Don't mind the expiration date or green fungal coating. Extra protein usually costs extra! They've had my street closed for water main repairs for two months solid. It's super annoying. How can I get the city to speed up the work?

tommonymous -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/7/2013 3:48:33 PM)
Simples. You don't worry about the City's pace. You just drive through your neighbors' yards until you hit a decent road. Also, you might like to tap into a good water supply on one of the adjacent streets, and move your bathroom out over there. So, now that I've rescued my girlfriend, she keeps asking who I am. I was trying to explain, I came clean about hiring the bikers, for some reason she's REALLY pissed. Hey, look! Here comes her dad with a shotgun. I'll bet he's coming to help ward off the bikers. What do I say to him?

Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice Part 2: The Sequel (8/8/2013 12:32:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tommonymous So, now that I've rescued my girlfriend, she keeps asking who I am. I was trying to explain, I came clean about hiring the bikers, for some reason she's REALLY pissed. Hey, look! Here comes her dad with a shotgun. I'll bet he's coming to help ward off the bikers. What do I say to him? Say, "I bet you won't shoot me!" After shouting that, reach your hand very quickly behind your back. It is terribly humid outside and inside my house it feels like I am walking through a wet cotton ball. Is there any way to get rid of this humidity?

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