dommes and male chastity

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sweetchastity1 -> dommes and male chastity (8/8/2013 2:43:54 AM)
I am a submissive male who is very interested in being kept in chastity by a responsible domme and I have contacted some of them with intent to establish a long term, real time relationship. I've come across some women who have done one of the two actions: 1. Tell me that they want to keep me permanently locked in my belt even if it means that my penis atrophies and becomes useless. 2. Assume that I am immediately available to become their slave and yield everything that I am over to them - without even getting to know me. (I find this delusional.) As I believe in practicing a SSC lifestyle I have serious issues with both of these actions. As I am also new to the lifestyle I welcome the guidance and suggestions of others. Some of these "dommes" seem to be narcistic to me, acting as though my well-being is not even a consideration. Your opinions and suggestions are welcomed. Thank you.

slavegurl4life -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/8/2013 3:51:54 AM)
Hello! :) i'm not sure that i'm any kind of an expert but here's my two pence worth: 1. Wearing a chastity device long term is not something you can just do: it takes some time to get used to the device whether it's a trapped ball device (e.g. CB6000) or a full florentine belt like a Neosteel. In the beginning, it will chafe in certain areas so it's really important that you are able to remove it to put some ointment on any inflamed areas and allow any swelling to go down. Also, you will need to remove the device from time to time for essential hygiene. The bottom line is that you need to be able as and when needed (with your keyolder's permission of course) to remove the device when it is necessary..... not the next day or next week but when it's necessary for your own good health. If any Domme would object to that then there are ways it can be done with no risk of cheating (e.g. she can watch you on webcam). Also, you can secure the device with single use, numbered plastic locks so again, your Domme can be assured the device hasn't been removed in the meanwhile. 2. Regarding "permanent" locking, i'm not sure that it would result in your penis atrophying. More likely is swelling and sores as in para 1 above. It is widely recommended, however, that you are "milked" i.e. your prostate gland stimulated by massage to induce a flow of seminal fluid without actually orgasming. From what i've read, this process should be conducted at least once per month and, ideally, weekly. 3. Personally, i would not give my keys to a Domme who i did not know, trust implicitly and who lived fairly close by so that they were available in case of emergency. So, your point 2 is well made and delusional sums it up nicely. 4. In short, take your time to find a Domme who understands the consequences of male chastity in terms of physical effects and is skilled in dealing with them. Anyone who demands instant, blind obedience without even getting to know you and your circumstances should set your psycho beacon flashing :). Like you say, SSC is the order of the day IMHO....... hope that helps!:)

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/8/2013 4:56:27 AM)
Well, the fact that you are seeking a RESPONSIBLE Domme means you can toss out any idea of serving those so called "dommes" you've listed. Their behavior toward you indicates they are overly eager for you to submit, which to Me reads, "inexperienced". Just like any D/s or BDSM activity, Chastity does need to be done a certain way rather than just haphazardly signing your junk over to someone else's keeping, and all Terms of Chastity should be agreed upon by BOTH parties before it is undertaken. Topics such as duration of chastity and schedule for personal grooming should be included in the agreement. Consent is just as important as hygiene, at least in My book. Also, TYPE of chastity device is something you both need to look into. The plastic ones (though lightweight and supposedly better fitting) don't allow skin to "breathe", are harder to disinfect, and I'm told/have read they collect odors (OMG, YUCK). I'm personally partial to the steel ones (more hygienic...and they clink, which amuses Me), but each male is made differently and there are so many shapes out there, so finding the right FIT can prove time consuming. Unfortunately there is no one-size-fits-all. Slavegurl4 life makes some excellent points, by the way. quote: ORIGINAL: sweetchastity1 I am a submissive male who is very interested in being kept in chastity by a responsible domme and I have contacted some of them with intent to establish a long term, real time relationship. I've come across some women who have done one of the two actions: 1. Tell me that they want to keep me permanently locked in my belt even if it means that my penis atrophies and becomes useless. 2. Assume that I am immediately available to become their slave and yield everything that I am over to them - without even getting to know me. (I find this delusional.) As I believe in practicing a SSC lifestyle I have serious issues with both of these actions. As I am also new to the lifestyle I welcome the guidance and suggestions of others. Some of these "dommes" seem to be narcistic to me, acting as though my well-being is not even a consideration. Your opinions and suggestions are welcomed. Thank you.

DesFIP -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/8/2013 6:54:32 AM)
Plus if this is happening inside of a relationship, you must realize that most women don't want to have sex restricted for them because you want to be locked up. Which almost by definition means that the responsible domme you want should be in a love relationship with someone else. That she's going to be poly in order to have everyone's needs met. I suggest you join your local community.

Musicmystery -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/8/2013 7:07:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetchastity1 I am a submissive male who is very interested in being kept in chastity by a responsible domme and I have contacted some of them with intent to establish a long term, real time relationship. I've come across some women who have done one of the two actions: 1. Tell me that they want to keep me permanently locked in my belt even if it means that my penis atrophies and becomes useless. 2. Assume that I am immediately available to become their slave and yield everything that I am over to them - without even getting to know me. (I find this delusional.) As I believe in practicing a SSC lifestyle I have serious issues with both of these actions. As I am also new to the lifestyle I welcome the guidance and suggestions of others. Some of these "dommes" seem to be narcistic to me, acting as though my well-being is not even a consideration. Your opinions and suggestions are welcomed. Thank you. Well for starters, you might use your head (your other head) and post in Ask a Mistress instead of Ask a Master.

AAkasha -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/8/2013 9:40:16 AM)
The most ideal situation is to find chastity in the context of a mutually affectionate relationship - ie, lovers, boyfriend/girlfriend, or at least playfriends. In person (not internet). That way the entire thing can be part of a larger relationship as it should be if you are new to chastity and want to benefit from the full experience of it, and really may need quick release but want it to be very structured. Also, remember that chastity means NOTHING without an interested and engaged partner that puts you through rigorous "teasing and denial." Someone to lock you up and forget about you leave you and your lonely locked dick. There's nothing fun about that. Sure, you get horny and desperate, but the point of chastity is that there is a woman who is getting off on your helplessness and vulnerability. She teases you because she knows you can't do anything about it. Hell, she may make you remove the device for cleaning and have you get hard, only to make you get soft and put it back on. Your suffering feeds her sadistic desires. If you do go "long distance" don't get wild ideas of sending a real key across the country. Safety first. Also make sure you know the woman you are submitting too. Lots of random people on the Internet will be a keyholder - but again, they just take the key and then you are sitting there with a locked cock twiddling your thumbs. Find a woman that you know enjoys the idea of having a man who is helpless to her. It's tricky because women know that long distance a man can - and will - cheat. There are devices that are pretty cool (check out Chronovault) but very expensive. You can use numbered locks. That's what I usually do. The Internet allows some pretty interesting "hands on" experiences with teasing and denial. I have a slave all the way over in france that hooked up a webcam in his apartment that is on 24/7 so I can login via dlink (he is naked in his appt) and see that he is wearing the device) and also it has audio, so I wake him up in the middle of the night when he is sleeping and make him do tasks as part of the teasing and denial. I can do random "CB6000 checks" at any time this way - this adds to accountability. Apparently this cam only costs $100. Just do your research and don't rush into anything. Akasha

searching4mysir -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/8/2013 12:13:12 PM)
quote: It's tricky because women know that long distance a man can - and will - cheat. Not all men are cheaters, AAkasha. Some men actually have honor and understand commitment.

StrictlyADomina -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/8/2013 4:52:05 PM)
So how do you find a key holder? Well first off don't lead off the conversation with her about your dick. How about looking for chastity as one of her interests and building a relationship first then discuss chastity? I have had several guys open with the first e-mail, "Hey will you be my key holder?" Would you say that if we met for the first time in public, no and if you did you have serious issues and need professional help. As far as the milking every month or every week as a needed thing.............um......NO, NOPE and NOT. That is not a "needed/must do thing". They will be just fine without it. Now if they and you enjoy that, then that's a different story.

AAkasha -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/8/2013 5:16:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: searching4mysir quote: It's tricky because women know that long distance a man can - and will - cheat. Not all men are cheaters, AAkasha. Some men actually have honor and understand commitment. Sorry, you are so right. My bad. Apologies!!

LadyPact -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/8/2013 6:14:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StrictlyADomina So how do you find a key holder? Well first off don't lead off the conversation with her about your dick. How about looking for chastity as one of her interests and building a relationship first then discuss chastity? I have had several guys open with the first e-mail, "Hey will you be my key holder?" Would you say that if we met for the first time in public, no and if you did you have serious issues and need professional help. As far as the milking every month or every week as a needed thing.............um......NO, NOPE and NOT. That is not a "needed/must do thing". They will be just fine without it. Now if they and you enjoy that, then that's a different story. Best post on the thread. OP, the high majority of women on the net don't care about your fetishes or your penis unless she is inspired to care. Without some kind of bond or reason to do so, (sometimes, that is financial incentive) you are just another human who has a penis just like roughly 3.5 billion of the other humans on the planet. Kinky women aren't that different from regular women. In vanilla land, very few males would walk up to a female and say "activity X is sexually exciting" or some other similar comment and expect a good reaction from a woman they didn't know. If you are doing the internet equivalent of this, you're not going to get any better answers than you would in the face to face world. If you are getting a preponderance of responses like the examples that you gave above, you may want to think about your approach. You also may want to have a better selection criteria for the women you are contacting.

getoutnow -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/8/2013 6:20:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha It's tricky because women know that long distance a man can - and will - cheat. Women can be just as dishonorable as women. Unless of course, you live in a delusional world where all women are goddesses to be put on pedestals and worshipped. /rolls eyes

seekingreality -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/8/2013 10:52:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetchastity1 I am a submissive male who is very interested in being kept in chastity by a responsible domme and I have contacted some of them with intent to establish a long term, real time relationship. I've come across some women who have done one of the two actions: 1. Tell me that they want to keep me permanently locked in my belt even if it means that my penis atrophies and becomes useless. 2. Assume that I am immediately available to become their slave and yield everything that I am over to them - without even getting to know me. (I find this delusional.) As I believe in practicing a SSC lifestyle I have serious issues with both of these actions. As I am also new to the lifestyle I welcome the guidance and suggestions of others. Some of these "dommes" seem to be narcistic to me, acting as though my well-being is not even a consideration. Your opinions and suggestions are welcomed. Thank you. The issue, undoubtedly, is that you are leading your kink/fetish. If you take your own advice, and start by getting to know someone, you'll do better.

sweetchastity1 -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/9/2013 12:56:05 PM)
Thank you two ladies for your comments. You are correct that a relationship cannot be one dimensional, example: chastity. The relationship must be built from the foundation up and based upon mutual trust, respect, honor and commitment towards each other. I want to engage the woman into conversations which would be of interest to her. I've heard it said that the best way to seduce a woman is through her mind, not her body. There are a lot of players on these sites so I take things gradually; never jumping into anything. If it's a good thing, it will take time. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: StrictlyADomina So how do you find a key holder? Well first off don't lead off the conversation with her about your dick. How about looking for chastity as one of her interests and building a relationship first then discuss chastity? I have had several guys open with the first e-mail, "Hey will you be my key holder?" Would you say that if we met for the first time in public, no and if you did you have serious issues and need professional help. As far as the milking every month or every week as a needed thing.............um......NO, NOPE and NOT. That is not a "needed/must do thing". They will be just fine without it. Now if they and you enjoy that, then that's a different story. Best post on the thread. OP, the high majority of women on the net don't care about your fetishes or your penis unless she is inspired to care. Without some kind of bond or reason to do so, (sometimes, that is financial incentive) you are just another human who has a penis just like roughly 3.5 billion of the other humans on the planet. Kinky women aren't that different from regular women. In vanilla land, very few males would walk up to a female and say "activity X is sexually exciting" or some other similar comment and expect a good reaction from a woman they didn't know. If you are doing the internet equivalent of this, you're not going to get any better answers than you would in the face to face world. If you are getting a preponderance of responses like the examples that you gave above, you may want to think about your approach. You also may want to have a better selection criteria for the women you are contacting.

imogenempire -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/9/2013 4:42:45 PM)
The D/s relationship is a vital part of any bdsm experience, and it simply adds to the enjoyment. I'm not sure why a dominant would care to control the orgasms of a stranger, to be honest. Without knowing your usual routines or getting to know you at all, she won't be getting much from it, and won't even know how much control she's actually asserting (for example, you may only masturbate once a week and she thinks it's a harsh punishment to make you hold off 2-3 days). In the first example, it sounds like the person you talked to didn't understand what you were after at all. Maybe she thought you were interested in roleplay, not reality. There are a number of male subs who love the idea of CBT, penile mutilation, etc, and permanent, inescapable chastity is also a turn on for some. That or she doesn't have the experience to understand what chastity is all about and how it will fit into the overall power exchange. In the second case, it could be an honest mistake from someone who is fairly new, or someone who has heard it all before a hundred times and wants to find out if you're seriously interested in persuing a bdsm experience. In that case I'd recommend getting back and taking some lead in the conversation. It's no secret that all dommes start somewhere, and there is no shame in learning from a sub. If you have the time, teach her.

TammiMoore -> RE: dommes and male chastity (8/12/2013 9:23:57 AM)
My wife and I lived as women for 6 years, as she had many bf's and I lived as her chastised girl friend. No sex, just service, after a 3 yr hetero "normal vanilla" marriage. She left me in 2008 and married her lover, and after living that long as a chastised female, I cannot go back -its who I am. So yes it comes off for cleaning, and once a week milking, as when married, my clit is, in 60 seconds pumped and milked into a condom, then chastity reapplied, pantyhose pulled up, skirt lowered, and back to work. The tube and clothing and makeup and shaved body are the woman I now am, I cannot go back. Love Tammi in Maine

sweetchastity1 -> RE: dommes and male chastity (9/4/2013 9:29:38 PM)
Thanks for the response. You are right to ask why would a stranger want to ask for this kind of power exchange to somebody he/she doesn't know? You're also right that the potential partners get to know each other better before entering into such a relationship. The relationship of which I speak is a real time, long term relationship in which the partners are very intimately working together and maintain full communication at all times. I support this kind of male chastity because accountability is always there for both partners. Online relationships are another matter. quote: ORIGINAL: imogenempire The D/s relationship is a vital part of any bdsm experience, and it simply adds to the enjoyment. I'm not sure why a dominant would care to control the orgasms of a stranger, to be honest. Without knowing your usual routines or getting to know you at all, she won't be getting much from it, and won't even know how much control she's actually asserting (for example, you may only masturbate once a week and she thinks it's a harsh punishment to make you hold off 2-3 days). In the first example, it sounds like the person you talked to didn't understand what you were after at all. Maybe she thought you were interested in roleplay, not reality. There are a number of male subs who love the idea of CBT, penile mutilation, etc, and permanent, inescapable chastity is also a turn on for some. That or she doesn't have the experience to understand what chastity is all about and how it will fit into the overall power exchange. In the second case, it could be an honest mistake from someone who is fairly new, or someone who has heard it all before a hundred times and wants to find out if you're seriously interested in persuing a bdsm experience. In that case I'd recommend getting back and taking some lead in the conversation. It's no secret that all dommes start somewhere, and there is no shame in learning from a sub. If you have the time, teach her.

TigressLily -> RE: dommes and male chastity (9/4/2013 11:09:26 PM)
There are too many good quotes for me to include here, so I will circle back to OP's. quote: ORIGINAL: sweetchastity1 I am a submissive male who is very interested in being kept in chastity by a responsible domme and I have contacted some of them with intent to establish a long term, real time relationship. As I am also new to the lifestyle.... Sweetie, like so many other newbies - and please don't think I'm being patronizing, because I'm not - you really don't know what you're getting yourself into by going down this road. You've been feeding fantasy images in your head--both heads. Once you become a chastity slave, those habitual patterns can become highly addictive, and there may not ever be any turning back. The same with sissification/forced feminization. Take the advice of the others and don't embark on this path outside of a committed, closely intimate D/s relationship, which has the sexual component in place, lest you end up de-sexualized. I cannot stress this enough. This isn't a mere presumption of mine, I have a friend whose poly Mistress kept him cross-dressed and in chastity for her amusement, never once allowed him to have sex, not even with either of her female slaves. After less than 2 years of this, he became de-sexualized, the psychological equivalent of an adolescent, permanently chaste schoolgirl (as in 'Get thee to a nunnery' chaste). The only reason he broke with her was because she wanted to add another male slave to the household. You don't want to become a chastity slave who is so desperate to find a Keyholder Mistress, just about anybody will do. There is a large part-time-joblike investment to be made with this practice by both parties, even when done remotely. Beware of any Domme who agrees to such an undertaking without having "collared" you for her own beforehand. That is, unless you are not opposed to the concept of Keyholder-for-Hire, which isn't what you're looking for (but may very well end up doing a few years from now once you're hooked). Just saying . . . take it slow, with eyes wide open. No need to rush into anything with anyone; you yourself know you want an LTR and that isn't going to happen overnight. Remember, the world isn't ending tomorrow--not as far as I know.

TnA4LTR -> RE: dommes and male chastity (9/18/2013 2:49:44 AM)
That ALL WOMEN ultimately seek power & control is a given. While its not very ladylike to admit it, and certainly my not parade it in public, using sex to cont me. Is FemDom 101. Topping-from-the-bottom is a powerplay strategy implicitly understood by ALL females. Boys-R-Toys is a VERY useful mindset to keep in mind when contemplating romance & the days AFTER the Honeymoon.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: dommes and male chastity (9/18/2013 3:46:35 AM)
Your primary pic violates the site's TOS, please replace it. That you think a pic of your dick is what will attract a female dominant says everything about what is wrong with your approach. You lead with your dick, and females don't like that. Would you pull your cock out in a bar? Do you think that would attract the females? Or just get your labeled a pervert and possibly a bad beating (not in a good way)? You want a responsible domme that cares about you, but you see her as nothing but a fetish delivery system for your chastity fantasy. Grow up and start treating females as persons. Develop a personality that doesn't revolve around your dick.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: dommes and male chastity (9/18/2013 3:48:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TnA4LTR That ALL WOMEN ultimately seek power & control is a given. While its not very ladylike to admit it, and certainly my not parade it in public, using sex to cont me. Is FemDom 101. Topping-from-the-bottom is a powerplay strategy implicitly understood by ALL females. Boys-R-Toys is a VERY useful mindset to keep in mind when contemplating romance & the days AFTER the Honeymoon. I take it a female used sex to control you, and it didn't turn out well. Not all relationships do. But please stop telling us what ALL females want and how ALL females act.

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