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ORIGINAL: AAkasha



With the ever increasing visibility of service relationships in BDSM and also the blending of dominant / submissive "roles" in relationships, as well as the continuing alienation of kinky sex and topping/bottoming and how careful subs (especially males) are about how they present their fetishes, I feel like we have to be careful before assuming anyone even WANTS kink in their bdsm relationships. A lot of people might just be seeking gender-led roles - that simple.

I often wonder how many submissive men just want plain and simple female led relationships and will "tolerate" dominance in the form of bdsm play if that's in the mix, and the femdoms out there might be "giving" bdsm play as a way to add elements of structure or nuance maybe but it's not core to their desire, so basically people are "playing" with some kink but it's not what they want most of all in their heart.

How many people who read collarchat really want a kinky free (as in play) relationship but with power exchange?

I also find it more confusing - I have in laws and friends who - on the outside - have more "FEMDOM" relationships (the woman wears the pants. the man is "pussy whipped and it's so obvious) than in mine. But their husbands are NOT getting tied up. There is NO kinky sex happening (if there is sex at all - it's all missionary!) and yet my relationship is femdom. However, I know a lot of submissive men that are on CM would enjoy these relationships because maybe they don't want kink per se, they want a woman who knows what she wants and demands it and expects it...or do they?

Have submissive men just be told - taught - forced to downplay their kinky needs so much because of bad etiquette that they appear as service only now?