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Differant reactions with Female and Male Dom's - 6/29/2006 9:18:56 AM

lanwolf

Posts: 78
Joined: 10/31/2005
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Hi, i am a bi male salve and i have a question about something i have noticed about myself. i am not to sure if this is an issue that is just something personal or if others out there have simmular experiances. As i said i am bi but i seem to seek out Female Dom's more then Male.
     The question is related to differant reactions when playing with a Female Dom and Male Dom. When i am doing humiliation play with a Femal Dom i find the session is a posative one there is never anger or hostility felt just a feeling of trust and love after when They are giving the after care.
     However when a Male Dom has tryed this type of play i tend to get very hostile and angry. i have broken restraints trying to get to Them, have felt an urge to become defiant and to defend myself and the end result is that the session is not a good experiance at all.
     In heavy play i seem to be able to tell a Femal Dom if there are issues like the restraints are to tight, i need to slow a bit, if something is just to much . But with a Male Dom i seem to have issues that way, the Male Doms i play with have either played with me enough to have learned my body signs or if there new i tell Them about this.
     i am not sure why i react differantly. There is no differance when i serve a Male or Femal Top sexualy or nonsexually. So why is there a differance this way? i am just woundering if there is A/anyone out there that has simular experiances or can give some advice. Maybe its just me, maybe its becuase the Male Doms i am playing with are not bi but Het and are playing me cause there Sadists and i am a masochist and They get something out of causeing the pain but there is no other connection.

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RE: Differant reactions with Female and Male Dom's - 6/29/2006 9:26:59 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The answer could be very complicated or very simple. Most people react and play off males differently than they do females. We're raised with amazing hosts of genderized interactions and perceptions that by the time we're even aware of them, it would take tremendous work to even get ourselves back to a neutral space, if we even wanted to do so.

That doesn't mean "society is to blame" for it all- your own perceptions and feelings have a lot to do with it also.

I have settled for simply understanding HOW it works for me in males vs females, understanding some of the MAIN reasons why it works for me that way and then just letting things go as they do- with me communicating it to the relevant people.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lanwolf)

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RE: Differant reactions with Female and Male Dom's - 6/29/2006 11:39:05 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lanwolf

Hi, i am a bi male salve and i have a question about something i have noticed about myself. i am not to sure if this is an issue that is just something personal or if others out there have simmular experiances. As i said i am bi but i seem to seek out Female Dom's more then Male.
     The question is related to differant reactions when playing with a Female Dom and Male Dom. When i am doing humiliation play with a Femal Dom i find the session is a posative one there is never anger or hostility felt just a feeling of trust and love after when They are giving the after care.
     However when a Male Dom has tryed this type of play i tend to get very hostile and angry. i have broken restraints trying to get to Them, have felt an urge to become defiant and to defend myself and the end result is that the session is not a good experiance at all.
     In heavy play i seem to be able to tell a Femal Dom if there are issues like the restraints are to tight, i need to slow a bit, if something is just to much . But with a Male Dom i seem to have issues that way, the Male Doms i play with have either played with me enough to have learned my body signs or if there new i tell Them about this.
     i am not sure why i react differantly. There is no differance when i serve a Male or Femal Top sexualy or nonsexually. So why is there a differance this way? i am just woundering if there is A/anyone out there that has simular experiances or can give some advice. Maybe its just me, maybe its becuase the Male Doms i am playing with are not bi but Het and are playing me cause there Sadists and i am a masochist and They get something out of causeing the pain but there is no other connection.

You need to get over your conditioning of seeing other males as competitors. You are there to play-not to win.

(in reply to lanwolf)

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RE: Differant reactions with Female and Male Dom's - 7/1/2006 10:26:23 AM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

First, if you have fulfilling scenes with women and not with men, why don't you just play with women?

Answering the rest of your post:

Humiliation is one of those areas in which male submissives' reactions vary according to the sex of the dominant, and, in my experience, vary according to the nuances of the dominant's gender, too. I'm telling you this so you know that your reaction is common.

Do the men and women you've played with use the same humiliation tactics, or are their methods different? If they do or say the same things, then the issue is in your perception of how a man or woman might treat you. If men do different things from women, then the issue is probably just the activity. Certain kinds of humiliation make you feel affectionate, others make you feel angry. As you say you don't like feeling angry in scenes, make sure that you play with dominants who do the kind of humiliation that makes you feel affectionate.

You write that you have "issues" about telling male dominants about practical discomforts or needing to slow down, and then say "the male doms I play with have either played with me enough to have learned my body signs or if there new I tell them about this." I don't understand what sort of feedback you want from readers about this, nor do I understand what the "issue" is. Can you clarify?

In your last paragraph, you seem to indicate that you're playing without sex when you play with men. This seems to contradict the previous paragraph where you say that there's no difference when you serve a male or female sexually or nonsexually. If you don't have sex with the men you play with, do you have sex with your female dominants? If you have sex with male dominants and not with female dominants, and you're happy with scenes with females and not with males, perhaps the dominants' genders are not an issue, but the presence or absence of sex is.

Monica
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(in reply to lanwolf)

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RE: Differant reactions with Female and Male Dom's - 7/2/2006 9:38:54 AM

lanwolf

Posts: 78
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline

First off thanks to all E/everyone that responded

Ok so a few questiond to answer here
1)i play with Women and Men because well i am attacted to both, and find pleasure with either Woman or Man playing with me.
2) Some of the humiliation play has been the same some has been differant. The Men that have done this type of play with me though have not be sexual partners just Play partners were as there as always been a sexual componet with the Women that i have had humiliation play with.
3) The feedback i am looking for and what the issue is well lets start with the issue, with Men, all but One there has been no sexual aspect to the relationship.i am not sure why i react differantly that is the issue maybe its because of the lack of a sexual or intimate conection. Maybe i do not want to seem week to anothe Man that i am not sure on.The issue i want to solve is it normal to feel this way, is it because of the intimate conection lacking, is it me and because i am viewing Them as competators as has ben stated hear. That is the feedback i am looking for

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