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AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Transitioning to a new mistress (8/9/2013 10:48:28 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Geminitattoo
Hi everyone...I am new to this board and I'm so happy I stumbled on it. I was with my first mistress for over five years and haven't been with her for almost seven years. Not a day goes by that I don't still serve her in some way, mentally, even though I know she doesn't know. The way I dress, the things I do, the things I read, the choices I make are always with her in mind and what I know she would have expected of me. I have a new woman in my life who wants to be my mistress and I definitely want to serve her. What's hard for me is that every time I start to enter a headspace of servitude and submission to this new woman, my previous mistress floods my mind. It was perfection to me and so far my new experiences aren't nearly as good, probably because it is a new relationship, but I also feel like I'm blocked from being fully open to it. I want to be released from the mental and emotional ties I have to my first mistress but I just don't know how. Does anyone have any advice as to how to let go?
You need to stop doing this. Seriously. Every time you find yourself picking out her favourite book or shirt, stop yourself. Say 'what does new woman want?'. If you don't know yet, then ask yourself 'what do I like best?". Your new woman deserves to know you, and not just a sketch of someone else's preferences.
Your new experiences aren't as good because you won't let them be. No two relationships are the same. A five year relationship will always have different energy than a new one. If you are constantly allowing yourself to compare them, the old mistress will win, because she's just a fantasy now. She isn't around to remind you of the things that annoyed you about her, her bad habits, the reality of what life was like. After seven years she's a romanticized version of your best memories. It's not fair to compare her 'highlights reel' with the new partner's unedited tape... do you understand what I'm saying? The old mistress as you think of her doesn't exist. You need to make a concious effort to let her go.
Imagine if every time you got in the sack she was thinking 'my last boyfriend had a nicer dick', 'my last boyfriend made my cum quicker' 'the old guy would've known I like my boobs cupped just so' 'the old guy lasted longer'. Imagine if every time you took her to dinner or went for a walk she was busy thinking 'well it's not as nice as when X did it' or 'X would have picked an Italian restaurant'. Offputting, huh? Especially if the other guy was long since out of her life, and she was actually comparing you to seven years worth of fantasies, who by definition had no flaws.
Honestly you need to commit. You had a good time, you learned a lot. You may well be robbing yourself, and this woman, of something even better. Make a deliberate effort EVERY TIME old mistress comes into your head to push her out. Tell yourself you won't forget her, but it's time to focus on the life you are living. Who knows what you have missed out on in those seven years by being hung up?
And yes, if you can't do it, therapy.
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