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[Poll]

Do you avoid attending funerals?


yes
  26% (6)
no
  65% (15)
unsure
  8% (2)


Total Votes : 23
(last vote on : 8/17/2013 12:49:16 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/11/2013 7:45:33 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		One week it seemed that S could go to some ones wake/funeral every day for the rest of her life.

I am just to the point where I do not ever want to go to one.


Next one I go to will be my own.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/11/2013 10:56:48 AM   
TheHeretic


Posts: 19100
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: California, USA
Status: offline 		Funerals are for the living. If you don't wish to connect with such annoyances in a setting where you cannot be the center of attention, stay home and everyone will be better off.

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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/11/2013 12:56:56 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I attend if I have absolutely no other choice but after my husband and father both passed away, I just find it difficult to attend funerals without feeling all weird and uncomfortable inside. I didn't attend the last two funerals in my family and my sisters were very angry at me. So I think I will have to attend the next one but will not stick around for long.


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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/11/2013 4:51:38 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

One week it seemed that S could go to some ones wake/funeral every day for the rest of her life.

I am just to the point where I do not ever want to go to one.


Next one I go to will be my own.


This hardly goes along with your views on mourning in general, where you said others were "cold".

I think funerals have a twofold purpose. To show respect for the dead and to show support for the family left behind.

(in reply to pahunkboy)
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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/11/2013 6:54:25 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline 		I don't avoid funerals. Do I enjoy going to them? Not usually, unless it's for a family member on my father's side. I'm not sure, but that may sound somewhat strange to someone when I say I would enjoy going to a funeral.
It's not the funeral I enjoy, nor is it losing someone, but instead an excuse for everyone to get together. It's sad that we need an excuse.
We (the whole extended family) have a tendency to use humor for coping so quite honestly they turn into nice events where we recall fun times we all had with the deceased and each other. We spend a good portion of the time laughing.

< Message edited by theshytype -- 8/11/2013 6:57:03 PM >

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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/12/2013 1:50:36 AM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		Last funeral I went to was my ex-hubby (the first one). I avoid all funerals now, especially the ones in the family. I know that I will be an emotional wreck if I went to one so I stay home and have Mom represent me.

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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/12/2013 3:15:21 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
I think funerals have a twofold purpose. To show respect for the dead and to show support for the family left behind.



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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/12/2013 5:37:20 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		I even plan to avoid my own funeral.

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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/12/2013 5:38:09 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		fr

No, I go to funerals. I don't want to say I 'enjoy' them, because obviously they are very sad affairs, but I do find some comfort in the ritual and the formal goodbye. So far I've never been the closest person to the deceased, so I also feel it's important to go and show support for the people left behind. I think there is great comfort to the mourners in having people just show up, just to show that the person is remembered and touched so many lives.

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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/12/2013 5:52:22 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I avoid all funerals now



I avoid the funeral- then look in on the person a few months after words- after the fan fare and hoopla has died down- to see if they need anything.

People are there for you in the beginning but then it all goes away. I prefer to look in on the person later after the hype has passed and no one remembers/recalls; the glowing things and promises they made that day.

(in reply to ShaharThorne)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/12/2013 5:54:23 AM   
servantforuse


Posts: 6363
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		I attend funerals and if they have one a wake or memorial afterwards. Of course some are more difficult than others but it means a lot to the remaining family members and friends. I manage a hall where a lunch and drinks are available. It is good for everyone to have a cocktail and talk about good times past.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/12/2013 5:57:09 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I've only ever been to two. The first was about 12 years ago, and it was my grandmother. I found it to be awfully sad and it made me feel bad for weeks afterwards. Even now I feel overwhelming sadness when I think about it.

The second was was almost exactly 2 years ago. My dad died after a fairly long illness where my mother, sister and I nursed him at home. The last 6 days of his life were absolute hell. I still have nighmares about them.

His funeral was a week after he died, and I insisted on standing up and speaking about him. I forced myself to be detached during the service so that I could say the things I wanted to say, without breaking down. I'm glad I did it that way because so many from family and friends said it was a wonderful speech.

Unfortunately I didn't know how to 'undetach' afterwards, and it wasn't until I went to work 2 weeks later that I had a major meltdown and had to take time off work to deal with my grief.

I won't avoid funerals or refuse to go to them, but I'm much more aware of how to take care of myself emotionally during and after so that, hopefully, the next one won't leave so many painful scars.

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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/12/2013 7:59:25 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I avoid them wherever possible. Why go to theirs? Damn sure sight they ain't comin to mine.


Only really really really close friends, or family nowadays. It has been a bad long time for the class of '72 and I could go to funerals about twice a week if I was scrupulous.

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/12/2013 5:48:55 PM   
NeonicDreamer


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/21/2012
From: Minnesota
Status: offline 		I haven't been able to avoid any, but funerals always make me really uncomfortable. I can't stop myself from crying even if I don't actually feel emotional. I think it might have something to so with not wanting to think about my own mortality...

After funerals, however, my family likes to get together and celebrate the life of the one who has passed. This always involves a good time with my family full of food, liquor, laughter, and smiles. Some of my friends think it is strange but that is how my family grieves.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/12/2013 8:26:49 PM   
punisher440


Posts: 4122
Joined: 4/10/2011
Status: offline 		Like some of the others have said,a funeral is not something I enjoy going to. My mom passed away at the end of March of this year and on the evening before her memorial service my youngest brother and I gave a fish fry for family and friends.We did it to honor our mom because we knew she always enjoyed a good fish fry and we gave everyone a chance to talk to each other and share memories.

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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/12/2013 8:28:42 PM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline 		The only funeral that I plan on not attending is my own, I plan to be vacationing in Key West when they hold it.

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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/12/2013 11:18:39 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I go to funerals. I go to be supportive of family and friends. I tend to find them rather beautiful, and occasionally fascinating.

I hated my Brother-In-Law's funeral last December, though. I hated everything the pastor said, and thought he was the most full of shit preacher I had ever heard. But it was cool to listen and ponder how his words clashed against my own beliefs, yet he had a following of folks who respected him. Human beings are just fascinating to me like that.

That funeral was followed by another one, one week later, of a very, very dear family friend who had been part of our family since before I was born. He was a beautiful flamenco guitarist and played at my wedding, as I walked down the isle. Rather than a funeral, it was a "celebration of life" and so many people came together at this two story beach-house-concert-hall where he used to play. There was food, wine, stories, love, laughter, tears. It was one of the most beautiful send offs I've seen.

Hardest service was for my 1 year old nephew, just a week after his birthday. That was many years ago. Something about those tiny coffins you just don't get over very easily.

I don't love funerals nor do I hate them. But I don't avoid them - I couldn't imagine not being there for someone I loved.

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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/15/2013 4:39:40 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I go to funerals. I go to be supportive of family and friends. I tend to find them rather beautiful, and occasionally fascinating.

...

I don't love funerals nor do I hate them. But I don't avoid them - I couldn't imagine not being there for someone I loved.


Dito.

But when I knew someone due to having been in touch with that person in the past but haven't seen since decades (which happened in march when a sister of a childhood friend died aged 29 due to driving against a tree due to a sudden slippery road), then I do not neccessarily attend the funeral but instead send a " I'm sorry for your loss" card and add a bit of money in it which they can use when they re-do her grave or to contribute to the funeral expenses they had to cover.

Mum went to that girls funeral as she also remembered her as she sometimes visited us together with her sister up until about 24 years ago and her father went to the same school class as mum did...


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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/15/2013 7:32:03 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I can't stop myself from crying even if I don't actually feel emotional


Did you know in the olden days they hired people to come and cry?


True story.

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RE: Do you avoid attending funerals? - 8/15/2013 7:36:31 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I will never forget my Dads funeral.

His mom was laying and pounding on his casket screaming- "how can you do this to me Rogers!"

that image is forever.


MY next door neighbor was giggly and rejoicing- "he has gone home to the lord!" ...not exactly what I wanted to hear at a young age.

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