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TigressLily -> RE: How to explain BDSM? (9/12/2013 9:00:19 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AaNiMaLl
How do you explain BDSM to a Vanilla?... It is in my DNA, running in my blood and I feel it.... That love is for one person to have total control.
[Post#28:] The question is, why is one person controlling another person healthy for both people?
First of all, you cannot explain anything to anyone who has no frame of reference. Therefore, the onus is on you to find that common point to use as your launching pad. (I'm assuming these are friendly discussions, not debates, where you are attempting to enlighten another who has a serious interest in learning more about either the subject or your particular lifestyle.) Whenever I've discussed astrology, for instance, my objective was not to convert someone to my way of thinking. I won't discuss astrology with a staunch unbeliever, unless it's to answer a few pertinent questions. If this is a person who is not close-minded or not arrogantly challenging me to prove myself, I've offered to take a look at his/her natal chart. 99% of the time, the individual wants to learn or is inquisitive enough to be receptive to this request. (I've always honed in on personality profiling, synastry or composite chart comparisons with a spouse/lover, not the forecasting or fortune-telling aspect of astrology.)
As for the second portion, if I may paraphrase your question, how can an intimate D/s relationship be a healthy one when co-dependency is such a dirty word? We've all seen, lived or witnessed a dysfunctional, toxic co-dependent relationship in action. However, an interdependent relationship is vital and mutually fulfilling. If not for these in general, we would all be anti-social misfits. I believe it is the responsibility of the Dominant to maintain balance, not in terms of switching D/s roles, but in ensuring there is the same level of matching intensity, including bonds of trust. Your partner may be willing to relinquish control, give you the TPE you want, but if you have an all-consuming passion for your lover which is not reciprocated, then TPE becomes nothing more than a momentary play toy to be picked up then discarded at whim. Another way to put this would be you see your partner as your lover-mate, but your partner sees you as a play partner or as more of a (kinky) boyfriend until Master Right comes along. Then any intimate relationship could become an unhealthy one. Or another example would be someone who wants to be owned much more than the Owner wants or values the submissive/slave. Out of reciprocal balance.
Regarding BDSM in general, I view it differently. I don't believe the SM should have ever been combined. I won't argue semantics on whether Humiliation & Punishment fall under the category of Sado-Masochism. I've also heard it referred to as an acronym within an acronym, and I prefer this definition: Bondage [Discipline S]ado-Masochism, where DS also stands for [Dominance Submission]
In fact, I mentally substitute SM as standing for Slave/Master-Mistress.
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