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thetammyjo -> RE: Beginning Your Journey (6/29/2006 2:19:25 PM)
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I was actually raised in a very abusive household -- the abuse was psychological and emotional, not physical and the sexual abuse came from outside my parents' house proper.
But I've always filtered the world through the "femdom" eyes you might say and I've always been the strong and independent and protective type. My ability to protect myself was fairly undermined so I turned my abilities to others -- neices and nephews, neighbors, friends.
There are so many children shows and 1970s shows that I recall only one or two episdoses of -- usually had to do with Amazons or femdom stuff or boys/men in bondage. Perhaps it was a way to be empowered when I was denied that at home?
Regardless my attempts to be vanilla or submissive with my boyfriends failed horribly, as in I'd get violent when I attempted it. I'll be honest here; I've beaten the crap out of my vanilla boyfriends because I can't be that vanilla, submissive chick for them. I started thinking more about how I'd like that and instead started to just be myself once I left for college and got away from my parents' house.
I learned the language of BDSM and the importance of negotiation and communication with my husband when we were dating and through women's studies courses in fact.
I could be the predator, I could be the abuser, it would be so easy for me, so all this "stuff" about negotiation and mutuality is very very very very important to me. The last thing I could allow would be to let myself become like my abusers.
I 'act' out those harder desires in my fiction and role-playing.
Sorry, got off topic.
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