Learning to Switch

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Learning to Switch - 8/14/2013 11:06:54 AM

Hellcat22

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Joined: 8/14/2013
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I am a married bisexual woman who started my sexual journey as a submissive to male partners and a dominant with female partners. Being a strong aggressive individual in "daily life" I actively sought out a life partner (I.e. husband) who had the "strength" to take that control from me and set me free from it in the bedroom. Now hubby wants to me to take the role of master and make him my submissive. I'm admittedly comfortable being a switch - I have been both dominant and submissive with both sexes, and enjoyed myself in all situations. However, I'm struggling with this power switch in my current relationship and don't really know why. Any ideas, suggestions, things to think about that anyone out there can offer would be deeply appreciated.

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RE: Learning to Switch - 8/14/2013 11:27:10 AM

mnottertail

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with a profile that is hidden, cant give you anything but generic advice.

if it blows your dress up, don't even think about it, just do.

Tho on the big girl panties and fuck me boots and get er done.

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Hellcat22)

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RE: Learning to Switch - 8/14/2013 11:57:22 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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In my experience there are a few different kinds of switches: those who only switch with another switch, those who are dom to some and sub to others, and those who are not really dom or sub and top or bottom as they like.

If you are like me, you are dom to some and sub to others, I think you will have a very hard time domming your husband, especially if you picked him so he could dom you. But, who knows. Maybe the two of you can migrate into a switch with each other dynamic. I've never done that or heard of it done, but that doesn't mean it's not possible with the right motivation.

Your profile is hidden so I can't see where you are. Are you close to a kink therapist? Maybe they can help.

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RE: Learning to Switch - 8/14/2013 12:38:50 PM

Hellcat22

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Thanks so much for the replies! Motivation is DEFINITELY there. Not only love the man himself but deeply appreciate the freedom and support he's always afforded me in my own journey. I want to give him back what he has always given me - the time, space and open-mindedness neccesary to find what really satisfies and pleases. I am (have been) dominate with some partners, submissive with others, all determined by the nature of my attraction to that particular person. What is scaring me is that the MALE partners I dominated were left in the dust after a time because I grew bored, eventually losing attraction and interest. New to the site - still working on setting up my profile correctly. A kink therapist was mentioned - any advice on how to research/locate such a thing?

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RE: Learning to Switch - 8/14/2013 1:11:34 PM

MsSylverdawn

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A two minute web search provided this . . and what with Skype being what it is...
http://kinkfriendlytherapy.com
I will add this being a Dominant married to a Dominant I enjoy intimacies in multiple ways.. it doesn't make me less strong outside of the bedroom. I am confused if your husband is in charge outside of the bedroom and if by being dominant or submissive with other each other you mean more than sexually. If not you are a great top and a wonderful bottom sexually.. And, whatever you are you are in the rest of your life. My two cents... and if topping and bottom are roles you play they have very little to do with the complex dynamic found in D/s relationships which include sexual roles but are not defined by them.

< Message edited by MsSylverdawn -- 8/14/2013 1:16:11 PM >

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RE: Learning to Switch - 8/19/2013 8:14:58 PM

sub4me87

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

In my experience there are a few different kinds of switches: those who only switch with another switch, those who are dom to some and sub to others, and those who are not really dom or sub and top or bottom as they like.

If you are like me, you are dom to some and sub to others, I think you will have a very hard time domming your husband, especially if you picked him so he could dom you. But, who knows. Maybe the two of you can migrate into a switch with each other dynamic. I've never done that or heard of it done, but that doesn't mean it's not possible with the right motivation.

Your profile is hidden so I can't see where you are. Are you close to a kink therapist? Maybe they can help.

i NEVER EVER WAS A SUBMISSIVE FIRST

ONLY TILL MY GOOD FRIEND AND OWNER OF A DUNGEON THAT WAS NEXT TO LAX IN CALIFORNIA LADY ELIZABETH TRAINED ME AND FORCED ME TO BE HER SUBMISSIVE PET
I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO EVEN THINK ABOUT BEING A DOM
SHE MADE ME START STRAIGHT OVER HER KNEE WITH A BARE ASS NAKED HAND PRINT
SHE HAD LEFT WITH A HEAVY SPANKING
I KNEW THEN NO I CANT HANDLE HEAVY NOT EVEN LIGHT TO MEDIUM
I HAD TO SETTLE WITH A LIGHT PADDLE HAND WHATEVER IT IS ONLY LIGHT
MY GIRLFRIEND SPANKY COULD TAKE IT SO HEAVY THAT SHE IN ADDITION COULD ONLY ORGASM IF IN FACT THE SPANKING WAS HEAVY
PAIN TOLERATE SO IT IS ALL A VERY INDIVIDUAL SITUATION
I GUESS THE POINT THAT I TRY TO MAKE HERE IS THAT UNLESS YOU ARE TRAINED SIDE BY SIDE WITH A PRO DOM TO GUIDE YOU AS A SUBMISSIVE THEN UNTIL SHE YOUR MISTRESS OR MASTER HAS TOLD U YOUR READY TO SWITCH THEN HOW ARE YOU TO KNOW ALL THE DIFFERENT SITUATIONS AND THE SOLUTIONS ON RESOLVING THEM YOU CAN THINK YOU ARE A DOM IN YOUR MIND BUT A TRUE DOM TAKES THE SERIOUS TRAINING FROM A SUPERIOR TRUE LIFESTYLE PLAYER TO FORM HER TO HER COMING OUT
ONLY THEN FROM BEING ALLOWED TO SWITCH FROM SUB TO DOM TO SWITCH AGAIN THEN LIKE HERSELF SHE IS READY TO ONLY BE THE TOP NO WAY EVER A SWITCH AGAIN THIS IS HOW SHE KNOWS SHE CAN HANDLE ALL WAYS OF HEAVY CORPORAL PUNISHMENT AND STRICT DISCIPLINE
I NEVER FELT QUITE RIGHT KNOWING THAT I COULD BE A STRONG GODDESS UNTIL MY MISTRESS TOLD ME I WAS IN NO NEED TO EVER SWITCH AGAIN BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE HAD TAUGHT ME AND BEING AT THE LEVEL OF DOM SHE EXPOSED ME TO WAS TO BE IN CHARGE IN CONTROL FOR THE REAL LIFESTYLE AND PROFESSION BOTH IF I EVER WAS TO SWITCH IT WOULD WEAKEN THE STRENGTH SHE TAUGHT ME .
SHE SAID THIS WAS NOT FOR ALL DOMS SOME CAN BE SWITCHES THEN SOME ONLY STILL AFTER TRAINING SUBMISSIVE BUT WITH THE VERY BEST OF THE DOMINATRIX GODDESS GIRLS SHE HAS TRAINED WHEN YOU ARE TOLD YOU ARE NOW READY TO CONDUCT YOURSELF AS A DOM ONLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE AND PRACTICE THEN YOU JUST KEEP ONLY NOW DEALING WITH THE CONTROL
SO I WOULD ADVISE THAT IF YOU ARE NOT FEELING LIKE YOU HAVE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION ASK YOUR HUSBAND TO PLEASE JUST GIVE U A FEW BRIEF EXAMPLE ROLE PLAY ENCOUNTERS THAT WILL GIVE YOU MORE IDEAS OF HOW TO HANDLE BEING TOP
I THINK WITH PRACTICE YOU WILL BE PERFECT IN YOUR OWN EYES AND YOUR HUSBANDS VIEW AS WELL..........................PEACE AND LUST

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RE: Learning to Switch - 8/20/2013 1:12:51 PM

MsSylverdawn

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Okay that's just BULL....

I know lots of people who believe in starting out in a submissive role. is the best way to learn the skills it takes to be dominant.. some say that was the OLD GUARD way.. but being submissive is not made any more than a dominant is. We are who we are born to be and each individuals journey is uniquely their own. I know a lot of people who never knelt who sought out technique training and experience from others and are amazing at handling all the situations that come their way. I know a few who started out in a submissive capacity who learned a great deal and are wonderful as well. I know just as many from both categories' that suck... I am glad you had a wonderful mentor and feel you learned at her feet; that it made you who you are to today into the GODDESS as you say your are is indeed a fact for the better or the worse.. but please don't tell others how to walk their own walk.. it is theirs do to as they see best...just as we will refrain from telling you the right and wrong on how to live your life

PS.. I need to add that no one can force you to do anything you don't want to short of some illegal act causing emotional mental and physical duress.. ie a gun to the head

< Message edited by MsSylverdawn -- 8/20/2013 1:15:48 PM >

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RE: Learning to Switch - 8/20/2013 6:03:03 PM

njlauren

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One question I have, are you looking for a lifestyle D/s or is this only bedroom/play? Is he looking for you to top him, or does he want to be your submissive always?

Since you have been able to dominate others, it isn't like you are a sub who can't do it, which is good. I can understand your hesitation, given your past experience, and I think it is very, very wise to look at them before attempting this with your partner/spouse. One thing, though, I wouldn't be so certain you would grow bored with your H if you dominated him. I don't know the other guys you dominated but were they emotional relationships as well as play? Were you a couple? More importantly, did you truly respect them the way you obviously respect your husband? I obviously don't know you, but the way you write about your husband it sounds like you really love him and respect him, and that is important, because when that exists I think it will be very, very hard to get bored, because if it is anything like what I have experienced, that underlying love and respect keeps it going, helps keep it fresh, etc.

The other thing is there is this incredible idea out that people can only be sub or dominant. Obviously, there are people who can only be one or the other, but there are people who have done both. You have experienced both roles, he obviously has been dominant with you and perhaps sub with others, so maybe when things get boring, switch....there is nothing wrong with that, there is nothing that says you have to keep it one way forever, and it would keep things fresh I think:).

I love the idea of a kink friendly therapist, they do exist. If you can't find a local therapist, Gloria Brahme, who is a certified sexual counselor (PHd) (wrote a pretty cool book called "Different Loving") and is lifestyle, I believe will work with people over the phone, it isn't optimal IMO, but something like that may be better than nothing (disclaimer, I have nothing to do with her, never did any work with her, I did meet her many years ago at a BD/SM event she was at, thought she was a neat lady).

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RE: Learning to Switch - 8/21/2013 3:51:11 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hellcat22

I am a married bisexual woman who started my sexual journey as a submissive to male partners and a dominant with female partners. Being a strong aggressive individual in "daily life" I actively sought out a life partner (I.e. husband) who had the "strength" to take that control from me and set me free from it in the bedroom. Now hubby wants to me to take the role of master and make him my submissive. I'm admittedly comfortable being a switch - I have been both dominant and submissive with both sexes, and enjoyed myself in all situations. However, I'm struggling with this power switch in my current relationship and don't really know why. Any ideas, suggestions, things to think about that anyone out there can offer would be deeply appreciated.

Based on your above comments.....no.

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