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Divided Pleasure - 11/15/2004 6:00:11 PM

SentForu

Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
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This is probably going to get me flamed, but I have to ask. I am not really looking to ONLY be a Dom's property. I want to be thought of as more. As in, feelings, with actual love involved. I don't only want to be around to serve him, though serving is a huge part of what I want. I DO want him to be happy, but I also want to be happy. I've been told on a great number of occasions, that a submissive's desires, pleasures shouldn't be taken into consideration, and if she expects pleasure, she isn't a true submissive. But, I just couldn't see myself in a situation like that. Serving only, with no pleasure at all being directed at me. I already know, that places me far from a slave. But, does that mean I have absolutely no idea what the lifestyle's really about???? The way I see it is, in order for a person to be interested in anything period (vanilla or otherwise) they would need to feel some sort of pleasure. Well, I'd love some insight. Thanks in advance.

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RE: Divided Pleasure - 11/15/2004 6:19:27 PM

sweetpleaser

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Myra: I completely understand how you feel. Although I receive pleasure from submitting, I want to be treasured as well. I want to be loved. There have been lots of threads on this and some would say they love their slaves also. But while I wait on my Dom hand and foot, I want to know that he will take care of me when I'm sick. This is the Pollyanna in me, but I believe most Masters on this site would agree that they appreciate their subs/slaves and want their partners to have pleasure as well.

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RE: Divided Pleasure - 11/15/2004 6:32:07 PM

mtsilence

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I too understand how you feel and what your desires are. I gain pleasure and joy from serving my Lord. However, I also gain pleasure in that I know he adores me and cherishes not only my service to him, but also my surrender and submission. I know that if I were ill he would ensure that I was well taken care of and he would see me healthy again. I could not imagine any other type of relationship then one that has give and take in it. While I may appear to do all the giving, and my Lord all the taking. This is simply not so, he provides me his strength and protection, his understanding and guidance. He provides me with security to express myself without fear of being rejected. He allows me to explore part of myself that I have kept hidden and locked up. All these things are given to me, for the services, surrender, and submission I give to him. I think it is a beautiful arrangement and wish you good luck on your journey towards what you seek.

Silence

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RE: Divided Pleasure - 11/15/2004 7:02:10 PM

honeybee462002

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if didnt think Master loved me and cared about me in what i want and need ....then i dont feel that He would be the Master for me ...we all need to know that we are cared about and loved...isnt that a part of it i know not to all but a great many of us?

“Dance like no one is watching, Love like you'll never be hurt, Sing like no one is listening, Live like it's heaven on earth.”

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RE: Divided Pleasure - 11/15/2004 7:17:32 PM

happypervert

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I'd say what you want is entirely normal. However, I'm also sure you will get nitwits telling you that you "have absolutely no idea what the lifestyle's really about" as they try to persuade you to be their mindless sub. So, anyone trying to convince you that you are wrong should just be ignored.

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RE: Divided Pleasure - 11/15/2004 8:15:44 PM

sub4hire

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Myra,
Consider the source. These alledged Dominants who tell you this, are they right for you? If they don't want to accept you for who you are in the beginning, what makes you think they ever will? They will want you to change and change forever until they tire of you.

The right person will love you and want exactly what you need in a relationship.
It's just like finding a needle in a haystack.

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RE: Divided Pleasure - 11/15/2004 8:55:30 PM

Sylverdawn

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Myra, I would direct you to read slavecraft .. while it is about a male slave..it discusses the concept of service, submission, and slavery which might prove helpful to you. I found it very thought provoking. I am probably one of those nitwit's so described by happy pervert. Howver, I not looking for a mindless submissive.. but I have a very clear definition for what is D/s and what is romantized bdsm. And, for me I absolutely believe in care, concern, respect, trust, affection and even love. What I dont see is allowing that love to bias, change or mutate my D/s.. if what I am seeking is a power dynamic and what you are seeking is a power dynamic... my question is this.. do I love you enough, and myself enough to remain in a space in which that dynamic is primary? To often though thats not what submissives are seeking they are seeking security in a collar .. if I *let* you own me... you will love me more.. love me enough to never reject me.. to leave me.. some how a collar mutates into a form of spiritual romantic commitment in which the D/s is not the primary goal of the relationship but a romantic love relationship is. THe collar becomes a sort of wedding ring on steroids in the world of lifelong devotion. If that is what I sought then I wouldnt be seeking a service submissive I would be seeking a kinky boyfriend.. and to me those two relationships by the definition are mutally exclusive. just my HMO.. I think you have to decide what your seeking and look for that. That is not to say there arent tons of people seeking a similar sort of relationship. And, in the end if it makes you happy .. tell the rest of us to go straight to ... a very very hot place.. Good luck I hope you find what your seeking.

< Message edited by Sylverdawn -- 11/15/2004 10:48:10 PM >

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RE: Divided Pleasure - 11/15/2004 11:16:16 PM

perverseangelic

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I think it depends on the person.

I myself wouldn't be in a relationship if it didn't make me feel good, fufill me, and supply my needs. One of those needs is the element of power exchange, but an equally large one is the need for love, and mutual pleasure (emotional rather than physical).

I have spoken to some individuals who prefer no emotional attachment to their dominant partner, and who's desire is to serve without regard to their pleasure. IMHO, in serving like that they are -still- satisfying a need, the relationship is still fufilling them. The need is just one I don't have and don't quite understand.

I don't see the point in being in a relationship that doesn't mutually fufill, regardless of what form that fufillment takes.

I think one should find individuals who like similar relationships. That is, I need to be loved, to have my pleasures and desires taken into consideration as much as I need to make my partner's life better. To that end, I found someone who embraced all of those.

If somone tells you you "can't" be a submissive person and want that kind of relationship, well, they're not looking for the same thing you are and you should probably pass 'em up. As for any judgements they pass, well, take it with a HUGE grain of salt or ignore it :)

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RE: Divided Pleasure - 11/15/2004 11:46:44 PM

TaurusMCMLVIII

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quote:

This is probably going to get me flamed, but I have to ask. I am not really looking to ONLY be a Dom's property. I want to be thought of as more. As in, feelings, with actual love involved. I don't only want to be around to serve him, though serving is a huge part of what I want. I DO want him to be happy, but I also want to be happy. I've been told on a great number of occasions, that a submissive's desires, pleasures shouldn't be taken into consideration, and if she expects pleasure, she isn't a true submissive.

What you desire is very normal. Just be upfront and honest about it from the very beginning and ensure that the "potential" Dom fully understands. If you are told that a sub's desires and pleasures shouldn't be considered then that person does not have a clue what the Dom/sub relationship is all about. Every one is entitled to their own opinion but we certainly don't have to agree with it. Just thank them politely for their input and immediately strike them off the list of "potential" Doms.

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RE: Divided Pleasure - 11/16/2004 5:05:53 AM

Voltare

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Myra,

I totally agree with your sentiment. There's a similar sense of obligation that sometimes seems to be expected from a Dominant - that I should only be considering the needs and welfare of my sub/slave, that her happiness is my responsiblity, her submission is a gift, and that she should be prized and treasured.

Different people have different needs and desires - part of my own needs is to see fulfillment and happiness in the woman I am with. That would be very difficult, if the *only* thing that mattered to her, was my happiness - which came first, the chicken or the egg? In reality, I have things that I enjoy in my life outside of my romantic relationships, and I would expect any woman I am with to have the same. It makes us both better people, and life a lot more fun.

As mentioned before, someone who demands you only find happiness in the satisfaction of service, devoid of love, probably isn't living the type of lifestyle that you would enjoy.

Stephan

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RE: Divided Pleasure - 11/16/2004 9:37:48 AM

Kinkypupper

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SO .... why is it so hard then for someone who wants "this" not to reply to an "ad" that is also from a "Dom " type who is also looking for this ???

The Ratio of Dom to Subs are HUGE the average "sub" who places an ad "here" or elsewhere gets hundreds of replys a day. The Average "Dom" gets maybe 100 every 6-8 months.

My best suggestion for a "sub" who is looking for this type of relationship.. Just look the the "Dom" ads. after a reply and a response you will quickly find if they maybe that type of person for you and you for them.

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