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proper etiquette? - 8/18/2013 7:31:18 AM

polaranda

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What is the proper etiquette in sending messages to prospective dommes?

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/18/2013 7:57:15 AM

poise

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My advice would be to approach them as women first and foremost, and write
to them as someone who is interested in them as a human being, not as someone
who can scratch your itch. If there are common interests there beyond kink, it will progress naturally.

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/18/2013 7:58:02 AM

MsSylverdawn

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How would you send a note to a prospective employer.

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/18/2013 8:16:25 AM

DarkSteven

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The fact that you even care about doing it politely gives you a lead over your competition.

Here are a few general rules. I'm sure others will chime in:

1. Don't call her Mistress or Goddess. Call her her collarme name.
2. Don't tell her about your kink, or ask her about hers.
3. When you write, allude to what it was in her profile that made you do so. The best situation possible is when you can address intelligently something like "I notice that Spanish art is one of your interests. Would that be Goya and Velasquez or contemporaries like Dali?" After she's gotten a few dozen messages of "Yu gotz nice tits" and "I want you to spank me", she'll notice yours.
4. Don't ask for a session or a relationship in your first message, or even a meeting. You're simply chatting. Both of you will see how compatible you are.
5. Don't get discouraged at the bad numbers. Most women will not respond to a first message. Of those who do, most will not end up meeting. Of those that do meet, most won't turn into anything. That's life. If you enjoy interacting with them, enjoy. If you don't, and are thinking of all this as an unfortunately necessary expenditure of time to get a woman, you'll get exasperated.

Welcome to collarme.

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/18/2013 9:51:07 AM

LadyPact

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Steven's actually really good at this and has done examples on a few threads about how to pull things from a person's profile to write a very good introductory note. The only additional advice I would give would be that proper etiquette also includes do *not* expect to be the exception to the rule. That means if you are outside of a person's preferences on age, marital status, location, or anything else in that person's profile, be courteous and don't waste that person's time or yours.

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/18/2013 9:55:09 AM

polaranda

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I thank you all for the advice. Any input is appreciated. This is a wonderful place for someone starting out. You have made it both informative and enjoyable. Looking forward to getting to know you all. Thank you!

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/18/2013 11:57:04 AM

StrictlyADomina

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The best way is to be polite, avoid your kinks on the first e-mail, and some hint that you have actually read her profile is a nice touch. What DarkSteven said was spot on. If she is interested she will look at your profile and hopefully e-mail you back. If she doesn't, don't lose heart, try another person who strikes your fancy.

Your profile is nice, the picture "G" rated and you have listed your likes, so you did a nice job there. I saw this in your profile " I am interested in many things. Bondage. Ass play. Oral servitude. Face sitting. Sensory deprivation. Water sports. Queening. Pegging. Piercings. Chastity devices. Device bondage. Machines. Rape scenes. Group sex. Electrical play. Medical play..." Maybe consider passing on this in favor of """I am interested in many things and would love to hear yours."""" So why? Well you have already listed your likes and the bulk of this list has to do with sex. If may give the person the impression your main goal is to get laid. Do what you want, it is simply a suggestion.

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/18/2013 12:02:11 PM

AAkasha

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For the love of god enough of the You/i crap.

That is KILLING me. Even when an email is otherwise totally approaching me as a human being, why are men still doing this? It makes my eyes bleed.

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/18/2013 12:05:50 PM

polaranda

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Thank you Strictly. Your suggestions maoe perfect sense an I will work on the profile some more. The initial profile was created a few months back when I was not as educated in the life choice of this nature. Through the journals and messages of people like yourself I have grown and learned more about myself. Thank you all!

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/18/2013 12:09:20 PM

jola37

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welcome and all the best :-)

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/19/2013 4:46:30 PM

JeffBC

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I'm never really sure if this is advice is helpful but I get very good response on the cmails I write. That's because when I write someone I am interested in them and I generally am writing to ask about whatever has got my curiosity going. I don't have any etiquette other than being direct and honest and generally curious about them as a person.

So in your case you have scanned some profile and something in that profile is interesting to you. Well, inquire about it. Don't have it in your head that there is any other goal in this conversation other than to get your curiosity satisfied. If the chemistry is there between you two one thing will lead to another without anyone needing to force the issue.

Largely, I see female dommes complain about being seen as a "fetish delivery system". Ponder the full meaning of that phrase and then don't do that. All will be well :)

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/19/2013 5:09:58 PM

Politesub53

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Dear Janice.................

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/19/2013 6:01:09 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: polaranda

What is the proper etiquette in sending messages to prospective dommes?

Absolutely phenomenal question!!!!!!

Here ya go Bub....:::::::::

"Babe....WTF....over?" (follow me on this)...."Chic....are ya with me on this gig???"

Then just do the normal shit...."howya doin...what's shaking baby....digging the scene?...life's good ain't it babe?"

That kinda shit....roll....

It's all good....

(in reply to polaranda)

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/19/2013 7:01:08 PM

MistressDarkArt

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Polar, along with the excellent advice of the above posters, the Ask A Mistress FAQ contains oodles of useful information about what makes a good profile, and how to approach a dominant woman via CMail here.

Also, hang around the boards and participate as much as possible. That will significantly up the ante as you gain more 'presence' here.

Welcome, and best of luck!

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/19/2013 8:25:15 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: polaranda

What is the proper etiquette in sending messages to prospective dommes?

That's easy.

1) Don't bother reading profiles. Just write to the Dommes with hot pics.
2) Spam as many Dommes as you possibly can. After all, it's a numbers game.
3) It takes too long to personalize messages, so just send the same "cut and paste" message to everyone.
4) Start every message with the standard greeting; "Yo Bitch!" (trust me, Dommes like that)
5) Make sure she is fully aware of your kinks (all of them).
6) Make sure to send her at least 3 pictures of your penis so she'll know that you're packin'.
7) Ask her to send you lots of naked pictures so you can determine if she's hot enough for you.
8) When you decide to write to her, she immediately becomes your "Mistress", so don't forget to refer to her as such.

If you do all of those things, I can assure you that every Domme that you contact will remember you. More importantly, all of them will block you.......errrrrrr, I mean "respond to your impressive and enticing message".

Good luck to you.

(And another one bites the dust. That's one less male sub for me to compete with.)

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 8/19/2013 8:26:20 PM >

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/19/2013 8:31:38 PM

marissyner

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I'm still trying to work out why the hell there's this weird convention where it's up to the sub to contact the Domme..
Is it the same for subs contacting Doms?

Either way, it seems like a stupidly antiquated social convention.

< Message edited by marissyner -- 8/19/2013 8:35:46 PM >

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/19/2013 8:47:30 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: marissyner

I'm still trying to work out why the hell there's this weird convention where it's up to the sub to contact the Domme.

Where did you get that idea? I must have missed something.

Just like in vanilla dating, either party can make first contact. The OP was simply asking how he should do it if he chooses to make first contact. I don't think he was insinuating that a Domme can't contact him first.

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/19/2013 8:55:19 PM

polaranda

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Thank you all for the responses. They are all very helpful to me. Yes even yours roch. And yes, you ar correct in stating that either can contact first. Thanks again to all of you and I hope to see more of you all in future posts.

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RE: proper etiquette? - 8/19/2013 9:15:50 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: polaranda

What is the proper etiquette in sending messages to prospective dommes?

"Hey Babe....what's shaking? Check this out....I got a new car last week.....it's a station wagon....killer stereo....8 track....yeah, that's right....say....whatcha doing tonight? Hey....love the heels....."

Go from there.

(I'm here to help).

(in reply to polaranda)

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