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RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 8/21/2013 4:38:17 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tantail57

Really everyone, you are all so incredibly chill!
Fantastic space here. Hugs from the non-huggy bottom!

Tantail - you are obviously doing something wrong - because there are any number of people here that will tell you that the CM regulars eat newbies alive! So being delusional must be fun.

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Post #: 21

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 8/21/2013 5:51:42 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You have clearly gotten confused between a Dom and an idiot.

You had me laughing on that one.

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Post #: 22

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 8/23/2013 2:45:53 AM

Dreamless

Posts: 104
Joined: 7/30/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: bella9

In my opinion there is no hard and fast rule book about what makes a good D/s relationship. If there is amazon.com sure doesn't carry it!

Someone should write that book. With that title. The contents would be:

"Whatever floats all of your boats." and a thumbs up, grinning smiley face.

The guys who are messaging sound far too insecure to be doms. The doms I know wouldn't get their panties in a knot because some person they're not in a relationship with submits only mostly in the bedroom and the rest of the time is chill. I'd be just like, eh, kay, cool, they're not compatible with me. (Except that would not be the case because I'd be totally fine with a bottom. Yeah!)

I guess if you're really worried you could add a note to your profile about say, you like to be 'made' to submit because you have a naturally dominant personality or you just aren't interested in a 24-7 TPE relationship but you're still respectful outside of the bedroom or whatever reason you have to prefer bottoming to TPE. But I wouldn't. It lets you know who the dumbinants are! Though, I'm upfront about the fact that I am NOT really dominant outside of the bedroom (too chill for that!), just a top, and I still get messages from people who want to be my slave forever, sooooooo.

Yeah.

(in reply to bella9)

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Post #: 23

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 8/23/2013 5:42:25 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

It's funny how some guys get pissed off about a female not being available to them. There's always some guy sending emails to us telling us because we refuse to be what they want, we shouldn't be here.

I've never understood that. Why waste time with incompatible people when there are compatible ones? It's like that fantasy that some have of being SO dominant that they turn Dommes into subs. If I found a Domme who was perfect for me except her side of the kneel, sure, I'd explore. But to deliberately look for incompatible people and "cure" their incompatibilities?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 24

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 8/23/2013 12:33:58 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

quote:

ORIGINAL: tantail57

Really everyone, you are all so incredibly chill!
Fantastic space here. Hugs from the non-huggy bottom!

Tantail - you are obviously doing something wrong - because there are any number of people here that will tell you that the CM regulars eat newbies alive! So being delusional must be fun.

There was at least one other new poster, I think TnCuck4Mistress, who said this, oh, and polaranda too. Are we getting nicer or are some new members asking better questions?

(in reply to kiwisub12)

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Post #: 25

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 8/23/2013 1:21:04 PM

njlauren

Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

It's funny how some guys get pissed off about a female not being available to them. There's always some guy sending emails to us telling us because we refuse to be what they want, we shouldn't be here.

I've never understood that. Why waste time with incompatible people when there are compatible ones? It's like that fantasy that some have of being SO dominant that they turn Dommes into subs. If I found a Domme who was perfect for me except her side of the kneel, sure, I'd explore. But to deliberately look for incompatible people and "cure" their incompatibilities?

As others said, people comfortable with being D's wouldn't waste the time trying to tell a bottom they aren't authentic or need to be a sub outside the bedroom, it is a waste of time. I think a lot of the people doing this kind of thing love the idea of being a dom, think of it as being "lord of the manor', having their slavegirl, harem, whatever, and then are shocked to find that their delusion isn't the truth, that there is another person here with their own needs. The reason they keep trying IMO is because they have tried this schtick on people who know what they want, as a bottom or sub, and basically were told to pound sand, a "dom' like this would kick off the bullshit meter in about 5 seconds I suspect;)

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Post #: 26

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 8/23/2013 1:23:33 PM

njlauren

Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

quote:

ORIGINAL: tantail57

Really everyone, you are all so incredibly chill!
Fantastic space here. Hugs from the non-huggy bottom!

Tantail - you are obviously doing something wrong - because there are any number of people here that will tell you that the CM regulars eat newbies alive! So being delusional must be fun.

There was at least one other new poster, I think TnCuck4Mistress, who said this, oh, and polaranda too. Are we getting nicer or are some new members asking better questions?

If a question is asked respectfully, newbies generally get a respectful answer. Usually when the shit starts flying it is because a newbie asks a question in a way that seems beyond clueless and more like they have some idea of what this is all about and tries pushing their idea on others, like the person in one threat, I think it was on here, who 'asked' a question that is what would be called a leading question in court, asserting the idea that people into BD/SM are emotionally fucked up and use it to medicate themselves.

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Post #: 27

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 8/23/2013 1:27:16 PM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

I give you credit for being honest that you are a "bottom". I would ignore those so called "Doms" and just do you own thing and be happy with who you are. That's what's important.

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(in reply to bella9)

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Post #: 28

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 8/24/2013 7:04:47 AM

bearcatw125

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/22/2008
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There are no hard and fast rules of how to label yourself. You pretty much get to call yourself whatever you want as long as it's comfortable for you.

Now with the whole 'bottom not submissive outside the bedroom' thing, I always assumed that's what a bottom was. Someone who took the bottom role of a BDSM scene and that's it. There was no D/s interaction before and after the scene. Obviously definitions change from person to person, but that's how I'd describe a 'bottom'.

(in reply to Charles6682)

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Post #: 29

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 8/25/2013 3:00:19 PM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You have clearly gotten confused between a Dom and an idiot.

I've been on FB too much. I'm looking for the "like" button.

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Post #: 30

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 8/31/2013 10:51:36 PM

tantail57

Posts: 14
Joined: 7/28/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: njlauren

quote:

One hint, I think you would be better off not looking on websites, as others have said, try to find 'real' life interactions, if there are any groups in your area or any BD/SM clubs or events, try going and meeting people, I think you will be surprised that among people whose life isn't trying to snag pussy over the net by pretending to be a dom, you will find people just like yourself:). And you may just find someone who loves to top you that evolves into something else, who knows?

njlauren - I belong to a spank group and just recently joined a local dungeon group, so yes, I do get out to meet real people.
I guess social networking of any kind just allows more of the creepy-crawlies access to us all. Sad that it has to be that way, but huge thanks to whoever thought of the "block" and"delete" buttons!

(in reply to njlauren)

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Post #: 31

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 8/31/2013 11:02:30 PM

tantail57

Posts: 14
Joined: 7/28/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bearcatw125

There are no hard and fast rules of how to label yourself. You pretty much get to call yourself whatever you want as long as it's comfortable for you.

Now with the whole 'bottom not submissive outside the bedroom' thing, I always assumed that's what a bottom was. Someone who took the bottom role of a BDSM scene and that's it. There was no D/s interaction before and after the scene. Obviously definitions change from person to person, but that's how I'd describe a 'bottom'.

I understand the definitions, but I have also learned a couple things in my short time in this lifestyle:
1) regardless to the definition of a label, there are so many variations in reality, that restricting one's self to the strict definition is pointless.
2) people are rarely stagnant in their lifestyle choices.
I am a bottom.
I will remain a (labelled) bottom until I chance to meet a Dom/Master who is worth my respect and trust.
At that time, I could be willing to become His sub.
Should we part ways, and I am back on my own, my label will return to that of a bottom.

(in reply to bearcatw125)

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Post #: 32

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 9/1/2013 2:50:22 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: njlauren

As others said, people comfortable with being D's wouldn't waste the time trying to tell a bottom they aren't authentic or need to be a sub outside the bedroom, it is a waste of time. I think a lot of the people doing this kind of thing love the idea of being a dom, think of it as being "lord of the manor', having their slavegirl, harem, whatever, and then are shocked to find that their delusion isn't the truth, that there is another person here with their own needs. The reason they keep trying IMO is because they have tried this schtick on people who know what they want, as a bottom or sub, and basically were told to pound sand, a "dom' like this would kick off the bullshit meter in about 5 seconds I suspect;)

You touched on something that fascinates me - the moment where porn and reality meet. When someone who thinks that all kink women are easy lays and will suck their cock instantly with no effort finds out that lifestyle women are not easy - what do they do about it? It always amazes me how many men insist that porn is correct and the women are fakes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bearcatw125

There are no hard and fast rules of how to label yourself. You pretty much get to call yourself whatever you want as long as it's comfortable for you.

Now with the whole 'bottom not submissive outside the bedroom' thing, I always assumed that's what a bottom was. Someone who took the bottom role of a BDSM scene and that's it. There was no D/s interaction before and after the scene. Obviously definitions change from person to person, but that's how I'd describe a 'bottom'.

There's no universal agreement on what the labels mean. I've been with my submissive for 2.5 years now, and we still disagree on what she is. I say she's a submissive, and she says she's a bottom. We agree on our relationship, just not the label for it.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to njlauren)

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Post #: 33

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 9/1/2013 3:15:04 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

It's funny how some guys get pissed off about a female not being available to them. There's always some guy sending emails to us telling us because we refuse to be what they want, we shouldn't be here.

Well, it's upsetting when those 23 y'old hotties don't immediately come onto cam for me Oside!

I mean, those little bitches are wasting my time!

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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

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Post #: 34

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 9/1/2013 3:18:07 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Hello and (belated) welcome,

I can't add anything to the brilliant comments except to say when it comes to people whining into your email inbox, they suck, you rock.

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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

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Post #: 35

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 9/1/2013 7:13:31 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
I've never understood that. Why waste time with incompatible people when there are compatible ones? It's like that fantasy that some have of being SO dominant that they turn Dommes into subs. If I found a Domme who was perfect for me except her side of the kneel, sure, I'd explore. But to deliberately look for incompatible people and "cure" their incompatibilities?

It's because for morons like these, there are no women dumb enough to be compatible with them.

We're talking about people with no social skills, no communication skills, no relationship skills and no work ethic so they refuse to spend three years learning those skills.

Guys who think kinky means easy and therefore now they should have a chance of having sex with a living female as opposed to a blow up doll.

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Post #: 36

RE: bottoms not submissive outside bedroom? - 9/2/2013 5:56:45 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
tantail57
for
the more I trusted
the man in the relationship
and the more he respected me,
the more submissive I was
....outside the bedroom.