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Losing Focus - 6/29/2006 6:43:05 PM   
pixiedustboo


Posts: 14
Joined: 6/29/2006
Status: offline
Forgive me if this topic has been discussed before, i did try searching a couple of words, but honestly am not sure what to look under....  So, here it goes.

Do you think as a S/switch you are able to fully direct your attention to either Dominate or submissive traits during either a Dominate role or a submissive role?  i ask because i was discussing this elsewhere and the topic came up if one can truly be a Dominate or a sub while having the option to S/switch at any given time.  ETA: Do you a S/switch, durning a scene could have trouble with perhaps "losing focus" of the either Dominate or submissive parts they are choosing to act with?  (ie:  Losing the focus of being a Dominate or sub and changing up into the others traits).

i am torn on what i think.  i think some people do have two different "callings" for them, but then again, is that just an opening for not working at being a full sub or a full Dominate?

i am curious as to the respones here.  i have only had 3 S/switch friends and...lol, now two of them have chosen to drop their Dominate sides and go with full submission. 






< Message edited by pixiedustboo -- 6/29/2006 6:49:09 PM >
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RE: Losing Focus - 6/30/2006 12:13:03 AM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		This is the biggest reason I do not switch with individual partners. For me.. its too easy for the lines to get blurred as to "who's on top, who's on the bottom". As far as choosing to go "full submissive" the reason is simple. Although I am quite good at being "dominant" it was never what fulfilled me as a person. My submissives I would play with had no complaints and certainly got what they wanted / needed... but I did not. At the end of each session with them all I wanted was to find some dom to "take me down". Sooo the point of the response is this.. I absolutely can be dominant with submissives... and sometimes find it hard NOT to be. But being a submissive is what is RIGHT for me. And I always made it a point to not  play with switches myself due to the focus issue.

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to pixiedustboo)
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RE: Losing Focus - 6/30/2006 5:37:09 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pixiedustboo
ETA: Do you a S/switch, durning a scene could have trouble with perhaps "losing focus" of the either Dominate or submissive parts they are choosing to act with?  (ie:  Losing the focus of being a Dominate or sub and changing up into the others traits).

It can be disconcerting when a switch occurs suddenly.  But I've learned to just roll with the energy and enjoy it.

Think about what happens when a slave is in the middle of doing laundry for their master and suddenly their 2 year old throws up on the floor.  Are they going to have to "lose focus" of their submission to deal with that?

It's just dealing with what life throws at you.  It's not about the act, it's simply connecting with other people.

For some people, they switch and then decide that they feel more connected to a certain path.  For some people, they switch in some relationships and not others.  For some people, they do not switch WITHIN any single relationship, but may have multiple relationships from different perspectives.  It really does just come down to "Is this working for everyone involved?"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to pixiedustboo)
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RE: Losing Focus - 6/30/2006 3:13:09 PM   
ArchangelMichael


Posts: 243
Joined: 8/21/2004
From: New Orleans, LA
Status: offline 		I never switch DURING a scene. When I'm submissive, I may sometimes get bratty to test the waters. But if someone inspires my submission, then they have it all and I'll be completely submissive to that person. When I'm Dominant, I take control and I'm in control during the entire scene.

I have had switch play partners before. One was particularly great because she would have me up on the cross, beating the crap out of me, then we'd retreat to the couch for aftercare and I'd be at her feet. Then we'd start making out and I'd grab her hair. Before we knew it, I'd have her up on the cross and then she'd be at my feet on the couch afterwards. That worked for us.

I did have some issues with my recent ex, however. But that was because she was a novice top/Domme and I tried to give her instruction when I bottomed to her. I considered it honest feedback, but she thought I was criticizing her.

But something I don't do is switch mid-scene. That isn't fair to my partner. I tend to stay focused in whatever role I'm in for the duration of a scene.


_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

(in reply to JessieMe)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Losing Focus - 7/2/2006 9:40:26 AM   
WindAssassin


Posts: 7
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		I know everyone is cringing to see me posting again....lol.....I won't be horrid. I'm actually glad someone asked this. For me, if I'm fulfilling a fantasy with my partner, I don't switch in midscene. We may start it as him being Dom or as me being Dom. Unless somewhere I get the sense that it's not going well....or he's not getting what he wants from the "scene". If there's that unspoken need in there for him to switch roles....I gradually let it start to turn....if he takes ahold of it.....then it turns....if not, i figure I was wrong, and keep going with what was scheduled. There is roleplay that you talk about that can not turn out the way you want it to. I remember doing one where I was a "teacher" and he, my student. Well, I guess sometimes you just can't portray it the way they have it in their mind. It had worked before, but this time....just wasn't happening. Other than the obvious of "how can you tell" there's subtle clues too. I would encourage everyone at some point to either pick up a book on....or go to a seminar on body language. It's something that comes natural to me, but I learned alot of pointers from a seminar myself.
The first time I actually tried a MAJOR switch with him without mentioning it......I thought he was going to yell at me afterwards (if not during) but he didn't.....when we were done with everything....he looked at me with the most amazed expression and said "Damn.....I've never had anyone that did that to me before...where the hell did that come from?" I was lucky! LOL....I realize that. I just decided to take a chance, and any consequenses that would've happened. But for us, it opened so many new doors! For many, I suggest discussing it a bit more....*grin* I felt out the situation, and was, luckily, right.
But, no.....I have no problem, and quite enjoy my role of Sub or Dom in a particular encounter and have no problem holding it all the way through. There are many times, however there's just.....being with eachother. With no set Dom or Sub.....just all pleasure that we give eachother freely. It all works....and when something doesn't, we talk.
Take care.
Yours,
~WindAssassin

(in reply to ArchangelMichael)
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RE: Losing Focus - 7/2/2006 3:11:07 PM   
NikoB


Posts: 31
Joined: 9/30/2005
Status: offline 		I agree fully, there have been times when I have switched within a scene and it was enjoyable at the time. With my partner though we are both switches with each other, so we tend to swap around quite a bit depending on what mood we are in. However there have been times when one of us kept a role for extended periods of time.

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Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Losing Focus - 7/3/2006 2:06:38 AM   
shadevarr


Posts: 360
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline 		NikoB, once again I find myself agreeing with you. I prefer to be in switch/switch relationships and I have been doing in long enough that I find no problems knowning what role I am in at a given time.  Then again, it is quite obvious when your tied down to the bed and having wax dripped on you.

(in reply to NikoB)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Losing Focus - 7/3/2006 6:17:01 PM   
SmokeyM


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		For me I don't lose focus because being a Switch all depends on the partner I am with. Either I am totally Dominant or totally submissive. But each person is different, so finding something that works for you is the most important.
~Smokey

(in reply to shadevarr)
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RE: Losing Focus - 7/3/2006 6:41:42 PM   
fyrekittyn


Posts: 282
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: Memphis, TN
Status: offline 		I won't switch with the same partner. I am either submissive with someone or I am Domme. There is no either or with me. Granted, I am mostly submissive. But I just am not comfortable switching with the same person.

_____________________________

Whip me, spank me, beat me, fuck me, all if it and more!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh, come on now. You can hit harder! *THWACK* OW! BASTARD! See, I was right!
~~~~~~~~~~~
fyrekittyn - the sweet, innocent, angelic, virgin princess!

(in reply to SmokeyM)
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RE: Losing Focus - 7/3/2006 7:20:24 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		I have never, and will never, switch "roles" during the course of a scene.  In fact, it's extremely unlikely I'd ever "submit" to anyone again if the Kaptin and I were to ever part ways.
 
The switch in me is almost entirely one-sided.  I submit to one man, and I dominate all others.  Now, that's not to say I won't bottom to someone else, but I don't call that submission, because I don't have that inner "need" to serve them as anything other than a handy target/recipient for their sadistic needs.  Odds are, though, if I'm playing with someone other than the Kaptin, I'm on top.  And I don't bottom to the people I top (and vice versa).  Keeps it nice and neat that way.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to pixiedustboo)
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RE: Losing Focus - 7/5/2006 9:57:55 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I think I might be submissive because I really do just want to give other people what it is they want. I also have no problem imagining myself as a Domme (I really don't think this would/will be a problem for me. Of course I suppose I need some experience, but am sure I can manage that somehow). But I really, really, really love (so very much) being  a submissive too. I don't think I could give up my submissive side, I really don't. 

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/5/2006 10:48:17 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to pixiedustboo)
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RE: Losing Focus - 7/9/2006 5:49:40 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I have found that switches eventually choose over the other.

Lotus 

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to pixiedustboo)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Losing Focus - 7/9/2006 8:06:00 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I believe once you switch while in midscene you are so caught up in the energy that your focused. Once you get into that Dominant/submissive mindset I believe its hard not to be focused. I know this has proven true in the past with Myself and My sub. We don't switch anymore as I do not enjoy bottoming and Im not submissive at all. He on the other hand now loves his submissive role.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to LotusSong)
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RE: Losing Focus - 7/9/2006 9:44:38 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I am not sure I could be with a switch.  I think for me, it's best to keep the roles defined with different partners rather than trying to make one person fill all roles.
 
When I am in my submissive role, I need that Dom to be powerful and in total control.... I am not sure I could give over the way I need to if I had, had the person tied up the day before crying like a baby.  The same goes for the reverse, if I give myself over to my Dom in that way, could I tie him down and use him on a whim.
 
I don't think for me it can be done, but if some can it's probably a lot easier to have it all in one person, with the bond and trust that would be there.
 
I know that I can't give up the sub side of me, it's always been there.  I am just now learning to what extent the Domme part is.  I think both are a part of me and I need to be able to express both to be fulfilled in all ways.
 
JMHO    ~*****Andrea*****~

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Losing Focus - 10/12/2006 4:13:58 PM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		This is a months-old thread, so I'm not sure anyone will read this, but here goes.  I have found it ineffective personally to switch during a scene, unless the scene itself is a power struggle (who gets to be on top, etc.)  I came to my Domme role through a submissive path, though.  I was serving my Master by topping his wife with him as he directed.  I had also had previous experiences with other subs where we were meeting one another's needs as equals.  (she beat me, I beat her, meeting each other's masochistic needs without any real element of dominance or submission)  Through these experiences, I began to realize that I was in a very real way serving even when topping, by meeting a need and giving the pleasure or pain that my partners craved.  Over time I also came to enjoy being in control as well.  I liked the screams and moans.  I enjoyed being the one creating such intense experiences.  Now there are times in my Domme space where I am serving my own needs, rather than just knowing it makes someone else happy for me to beat them.  That is why I now identify as a switch rather than merely submissive.   I have not found that I lose focus in either role.  However, I rarely switch mid-scene as it doesn't work well for me.  I have acted as Domme with my Master helping, thus shifting our dynamic to equals for the duration of the scene.  That also was not a problem.  I could not see being Domme to him at all, even if that was possible, but I could see that some people would have no problem with that dynamic. 

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
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RE: Losing Focus - 10/14/2006 9:31:32 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		I don't switch within relationships and there has only been one man that could "make me go there". For honesty sake I identify as switch but in my relationships I am dominant. The idea of being sub to any dom wanna be off the street makes me want to hurl. Worse is the idea that doms I meet somehow believe switch means indecisive or easy.
I ran across just such a person today. They didn't bother to read my profile. They sent me a poorly spelled, one-liner and throw out the you're rude, not dominant when I point out that if they'd read my profile they would see that I'm dominant and have a thing for good spelling.
In the words of popeye, "I Yam what I Yam". My new saying, Switch won't make me your bitch"...but god knows they still try.

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to beltainefaerie)
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