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AAkasha -> RE: mentor (8/21/2013 2:53:38 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: useme50201
Where is the best place to find someone to mentor my wife who wants to never my mistress. To me she is too nice on me and needs someone to let her know it is alright to be a little rough.
In my sig line there's a link to a free guide on my site, "The Good Girls Guide to Domination" that offers some advice from a woman's POV regarding how to make female dominance enjoyable, and some tips for couples.
But if you read carefully what you said -- "To *me" she is too nice on me..." well keep in mind -- that's to you. In her mind, maybe that's just how sadism feels good to her. Maybe the perception that needs to change is yours.
Or, maybe your *reaction* to her dominance is what needs to change. There are two people "playing" (for lack of a better word). If you are turning her OFF when she dominates you and she isn't telling you (maybe she isn't able to communicate this, doesn't know how, doesn't know what she is feeling, or is just faking that she likes it just to appease you), then she's less likely to push any harder than the least amount possible to get it over with and done and move onto something more enjoyable.
Like laundry.
Enjoyable sadism is built on a foundation. It doesn't start with huge strapons and riding crops and nipple clamps and vibrating inflatable butt plugs. I consider myself 100% born femdom, in-my-blood, swinging from the chandeliers femdom. At the early stages of sadism, it was hair-pulling, hand-over-mouth (love those muffled whimpers), light bondage, blindfolds, "simulated" strap on, biting, roleplaying, etc. Once I realized that the rush of power and his *reactions* (the vulnerability, fear, trembling, breathing, helplessness, wincing in pain and MY POWER) were hot and making me excited - and HE was getting excited by ME getting excited -- that's the snowball.
If you want a "vanilla" or "kink curious" or "open-minded and willing to try spouse" to give it a try, you have to dial the expectations way back and let her get her "femdom legs" first. That means you don't start off with, ""she is too nice on me," you start off with, "how I can make this more fun for you?"
Akasha
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