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understanding please - 8/20/2013 4:09:09 PM

redjstrap13

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/3/2012
Status: offline

with out going in to much detail,
i just broke it off with a potential Master, and, well i was wondering what you Masters thought about it.

First, we never meet and i was and still an ready to move.
2ed he would not call me or let me call him.
3ed i asked about slowing down and he "you will go as fast as i want you to go"

know i do now that this is only excerpts but i would still like hear some of your opinion about this, i am not using this to prove a point or get back at him or say "he was wrong" i would like to know what you thank.

lost and confused about my slavery
DW

Post #: 1

RE: understanding please - 8/20/2013 4:12:36 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You were willing to move in with someone who wouldn't even talk to you?

That's bizarre.

I would have run the moment you said you would do that. But I would also have said that I would be in his area over the weekend and pick a coffee shop to meet in.

Half hour coffee meet, no obligations for anything more. If you enjoyed the conversation, then move on to lunch. Date, like normal people.

Honestly, he's married and you sound desperate. Neither one of you are ready for a relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to redjstrap13)

Post #: 2

RE: understanding please - 8/20/2013 4:23:16 PM

redjstrap13

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/3/2012
Status: offline

thank you, i think i needed to hear that, i will stop looking for a few days and look at things from a fresh set of eyes and see if that helps.

lost and confused about my slavery
DW

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 3

RE: understanding please - 8/20/2013 4:42:46 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Take the Ds/kink out of it. Ask yourself if you would move in with a person you've never met, can't talk with when needed, who tells you how fast you should proceed with...absolutely nothing?

NEXT!!!!!

(in reply to redjstrap13)

Post #: 4

RE: understanding please - 8/20/2013 4:49:08 PM

redjstrap13

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/3/2012
Status: offline

i have failed the most simplest things, i was told in the vary beginning when i was looking into slavery and for a Master, to put the relationship FIRST then add the kink, lessons keep coming back until you learn them, i am glad that only time was lost and no more. again thank you

lost and confused about my slavery
DW

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 5

RE: understanding please - 8/20/2013 4:55:10 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Just a thought, if you feel "lost and confused about your slavery" how about setting it aside for a while? Why let your slavery define you? Maybe by not making it the central part of your existence, then you'll find some clarity. Do things that you enjoy, meet with friends, tackle a house project, etc. Or an alternate tactic might be to delve in deeply and see what you can learn about slavery in general. I can see you started this thread, have you read much on these boards of old threads that pertain to the subject you're confused about? How about getting a book on the subject?

It seems that in your eagerness to become a slave you're ignoring some major red flags. Treat yourself better than that, don't just stop looking for a few days - give it a real rest until you feel more objective about things and able to make good decisions for yourself. Quite honestly, he sounds pretty shady from your details and like it wasn't ever going to be a good situation - I'm concerned that you ever let it get to the point where you said you'd move in. He sounds married or like he's a keyboard warrior- getting off on fantasies; not someone who is truly going to do kinky things with you.

You know, nothing wrong with you being cautious. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable as you get to know someone. Anyone who ignores that doesn't have your best interests at heart.

(in reply to redjstrap13)

Post #: 6

RE: understanding please - 8/20/2013 5:01:04 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

2 and 3 tell me he was already attached and wanted an online wank girl.

OP, you should look up sub frenzy as you were moving very quickly as well.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 7

RE: understanding please - 8/20/2013 5:07:42 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The other thing I'm getting is that you have this box in your head and you're looking for a person to fit it, and to squeeze yourself into one also.

The relationship should grow organically. Yes, you need to know what you need and what doesn't work for you. Because the more commonality and compatibility, the better.

But why insist you be treated like a dehumanized slave, or whatever you're imagining, from day one? Especially because when you do that, then you're expected the dominant to jump through your hoops with you telling him how high each time. You're not allowing him to have a relationship that works for him and you.

Sometimes, what works for us with one partner doesn't fit with the next. And by insisting the new relationship is exactly like the old one, or the one you've imagined, you prevent yourself from being happy in the new one.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 8

RE: understanding please - 8/20/2013 5:07:55 PM

redjstrap13

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/3/2012
Status: offline

thank you, yes i was going to move to him but i think i might just go back home for a week or two i do have the time off work free now and i could use the drama of home to help me forget, i new reaching out would help put it in prospective thank you guys you have help greatly.

llife is a roller choster i just hit a vally
DW

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 9

RE: understanding please - 8/20/2013 5:36:14 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: redjstrap13

with out going in to much detail,
i just broke it off with a potential Master, and, well i was wondering what you Masters thought about it.

First, we never meet and i was and still an ready to move.
2ed he would not call me or let me call him.
3ed i asked about slowing down and he "you will go as fast as i want you to go"

know i do now that this is only excerpts but i would still like hear some of your opinion about this, i am not using this to prove a point or get back at him or say "he was wrong" i would like to know what you thank.

lost and confused about my slavery
DW

Personally, I would never move to be with someone I have never met and did not know well.
Until i meet them they are still a stranger.
I might visit them, as a way of getting to know them.
Many, many visits would have to occur before I made a decision to move.

Having moved for the sake of a relationship, I would never do that again either unless I could set myself up in the area (job and housing) apart from the relationship.
Reason being: if it does not work out then you are usually suddenly jobless and homeless with no resources to move back and no support structure.
A job and a place to live give you some autonomy and a bit of breathing room.

For me, it takes time for someone to prove himself trustworthy enough to be [my] Master.
In addition to being trustworthy, I need to know there is basic relationship compatibility, and that really can not happen before I have met him.

Without knowing they are trustworthy, I won't let him dictate the pace of the relationship.
One would have to be [my] Master for that to happen and that won't happen before meeting and knowing the person well.

In the event a relationship was long-distance I would need phone contact, initiated both by myself and by him.

Why did you place so little value on your slavery so as to agree to be the slave of a stranger?

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to redjstrap13)

Post #: 10

RE: understanding please - 8/20/2013 6:38:07 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

eerr...you two never met in person. It was completely online. You two never belonged together. It was a cyber game and he was married.

How about meeting someone in person first before throwing yourself at them?

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to redjstrap13)

Post #: 11

RE: understanding please - 8/20/2013 7:43:34 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

I was with everyone else...thinking it was some married dude but the person whose name you have in your journal is someone pretty well respected on these boards (to my knowledge) and I could not see him doing that...Granted, it is possible I have the wrong impression of him...

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 12

RE: understanding please - 8/20/2013 7:53:57 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

I was with everyone else...thinking it was some married dude but the person whose name you have in your journal is someone pretty well respected on these boards (to my knowledge) and I could not see him doing that...Granted, it is possible I have the wrong impression of him...

The journal entry where he mentions him is from April, then two weeks later he states he is single again. Also he was fairly local to the OP, so I can't see them not having met prior to "owning" the OP. Don't think this post is about him.

< Message edited by searching4mysir -- 8/20/2013 7:55:21 PM >

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 13

RE: understanding please - 8/20/2013 8:12:21 PM

redjstrap13

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/3/2012
Status: offline

no, no, no, LanceHughes is a very close and personal friend and yes i have talked with him about this, he said that he told me what sub-frenzy was but sometimes you just have to learn things on your own. he said that i made a mistake, it happens learn from it and move on, i have gone back over the chats and i have it and had it bad and was falling pray to it, this is why i am leaving at the end of the moth for home for awhile to comeback with a much better view. i also have Slavecraft that i am reading as well.

young and foolish but learning
DW

(in reply to searching4mysir)

Post #: 14

RE: understanding please - 8/21/2013 11:42:50 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

Lance here. S'not me.
I'll go with the "probably married" group.
And from what I know, this "Master" is probably cyber-only.

DW is in Fort Collins, Colorado (about 60 miles due N. of Denver.) But that didn't keep us from having an interesting relationship. DW is going "home," home being Kansas. That was going to allow him to actually be physical with this new "Master" from Minnesota. Once the physical was about to happen, "Master" closed down DW.

All I can really say is "I'm glad you found out sooner rather than later."

As I said with that big-ass hug you got on Sunday "I wish you a good life and you know where to contact me."

Regards, Lance (your first ever mentor - I LIKE helping beginners.)

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to redjstrap13)

Post #: 15

RE: understanding please - 8/21/2013 11:51:49 PM

metamorfosis

Posts: 1132
Status: offline

Couple of thoughts:
Slow down. You deserve better than this. Lesson learned, consider yourself lucky that all you lost was time.

< Message edited by metamorfosis -- 8/22/2013 12:15:07 AM >

_____________________________

Pam (aka gungadin09)

Forum Freak

(in reply to redjstrap13)

Post #: 16

RE: understanding please - 8/22/2013 12:12:11 AM

metamorfosis

Posts: 1132
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: redjstrap13
i will stop looking for a few days...

I think you'll need longer than that. Rushing in to any relationship with as much desperation and as little sense as you're currently demonstrating is just a recipe for disaster.

Take your time. Do it right. And if this is something that you urgently need, then you aren't ready.

_____________________________

Pam (aka gungadin09)

Forum Freak

(in reply to redjstrap13)

Post #: 17

RE: understanding please - 8/22/2013 12:46:06 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

WTF? You live in Fort Collins and are in touch with Lance, who knows the Denver gay scene. You should be able to leverage off that to get a gay Master.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to metamorfosis)

Post #: 18

RE: understanding please - 8/22/2013 6:21:33 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: redjstrap13

thank you, i think i needed to hear that, i will stop looking for a few days and look at things from a fresh set of eyes and see if that helps.

lost and confused about my slavery
DW

I think you need to take more than a few days! A lot more!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to redjstrap13)

Post #: 19

RE: understanding please - 8/22/2013 7:00:21 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

I thought through sex and seeking outside relationships I might find some fulfillment. I was very misguided and grasping at anything to ease the unhappiness I felt inside. I looked to others to give me happiness and fill the terrible void I felt, but what I found was no one filled it. It was a bottomless pit. I found through so much grief and pain, that I was actually unhappy about myself. It was an inner thing, and my actions were actually feeding my emptiness and unhappiness. I, now work on myself, finding discipline in my actions, and although I do feel discomfort with making the right choices at times, the reward is much greater, not temporary and the void I had has been filling, and my cup runneth over. I have inner peace which is something, I had never had. There is nothing like feeling peaceful and satisfied.

I wanted to share this with you. This was wrote to a very good friend. I have no idea where you are in life, and I have not read your profile. But if you find any truth at all to this about yourself, please consider it, and get right within yourself, and the wisdom will follow. We tend to spin in circles and find ourselves back at the same place repeatedly until we do that. Much success to you.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 20

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