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njlauren -> RE: Have this ever happened to you? (8/22/2013 11:01:55 PM)
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He sounds like a good catch and if you have that kind of reaction to him, well, it says a lot. Someone can be a dominant personality without being kinky, and it sounds like he naturally falls into the leader/dominant kind of thing, which obviously does something for you and that is rare. As you saidl,you have met supposed lifestyle dominants who didn't do it for you,but this guy does.
I think that chemistry is important, and I think you may be surprised what can happen if you decide to stay with him. He is probably a nice guy, and nice people can have a hard time when their partner talks about things like corporal punishment, or humiliation or whatever, they are brought up to believe you have to be nice to your partner, that you don't do those things. I know this from experience, my spouse is a real sweetheart of a person, the kind of person that bleeds for orphaned animals, who has a hard time with violent scenes in modern romances, you name it, and she was kind of conflicted when we started doing this as a couple, and then even when she found her inner domme, it conflicted that she could enjoy doing this to her partner and then turn around and take care of our then young kid (who is now taller then I am and heading off to college). The point is that the relationship can evolve and I think you already have the major parts you feel a spark for him and he has natural dominant inclinations.
He may never find that inner dom, the person who likes kink, but I can tell you that my spouse was as vanilla as they come, take it from me, and the fact that he shows no interest right now doesn't mean he can't or won't in the future. When he made jokes about it, it is possible he actually felt something but was embarrassed he felt that way, you never know. It might sound funny, but I remember talking to my spouse about it and one of the first things I talked about was how scene play for me wasn't pain the way she might think. For some reason, I got to her when I told her pain was stubbing your toe in the middle of the night on chair or something, and pain was when some young kid decides he wants to throw a punch and it hits you right in the family jewels...but that in kink play it isn't pain per se, but intense sensations.......
There are some pretty good books out there that are based around working with a non kink partner, I think greenery press had some books (I seem to recall 'the bottoming book' was titled how to get someone to do nasty things to you, or some such:).
Want my recommendation? Give the relationship a chance to get deeper, that you both get to know and more importantly, trust each other, and then introduce the concepts of things, slowly. Maybe it would be spanking, or maybe it would be some sort of dom/sub 'game', could be a lot of things. It took me almost 13 years to introduce kink into our lives, to feel comfortable enough to open up about it, you may find (I hope!) It happens a lot sooner. All I can say is for me, if the spark is there, it is worth making the effort to see if it can work....and even if he never truly accepts the dom role, you have someone you can commit yourself to and in a sense dedicate yourself as his sub even if he doesn't know, by encouraging him in his 'dominant-ness', allowing him to take the lead, etc. As they say, a good man is hard to find, and if you have the opportunity to create the dom of your dreams, give it a shot:)
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