|
MrRodgers -> RE: Inspiring submission... (8/26/2013 12:34:20 PM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
When I was a lot younger and single, and flirting/seducing "vanilla" or "kink-curious" men, I wouldn't call it inspiring submission, I would call it seduction, or "being predatory." Or, perhaps even coercion, in a way. But there was never any "non consent." It was taking an act that a man wasn't so sure of or hesitant and making him go from being "not on board" to "enjoying" and then to "begging for" and eventually to "loving" and then "being addicted to."
I knew I was compelled to see a man tied up, or suffering, or in pain (light pain) from an early age. How to get him to agree? What guy wanted to be hurt? I wanted to hurt him. I had to. I needed it. How could I make this happen? Just ask him? How could I explain this and do it without having him think I am crazy or just say "No!" or both?
Soon I learned that men loved to know they were turning me on. A lot of men, "pleasers," I called them, liked turning ME on more than they liked turning themselves on. I tended to attracted "pleasers" by my aggressive personality. So it all fell into place anyway. Just by the way things fell into place, I learned that if I lightly hurt them by hair pulling or biting then apologized but said "Oh god that's turning me on" and they said, "It's ok, if it turns you on you can keep doing it," then the table is set.
If I said, early on, "I'm sorry I hurt you, but it turns me on so much," he says, "It's ok, if if turns you on, it's worth it." Bingo. We're on the road - that's the chemistry there that I need to keep going, and it sets the foundation that we have at least a base to work with. How far that can go would still be an unknown, but the emotional dynamic of power exchange sensuality is in place. Just to look him in the eyes and say, "Actually, it makes me wet just to even hear you say that," pretty much solidifies the dynamic as well.
That's how I would kind of inspire submission - at least from a physical standpoint, before any formal "negotiation" was in place, just from a very first harmless "heavy petting" moment in the dark corner of a nightclub, backseat of car or on the porch saying goodnight after a second date. I liked to get it out of the way early.
Akasha
Been waiting for a post to give me something to kind of hang the hat of my experience on yes...inspiring submission. You've got this right particularly in the last para.
Back in the day I suggest that there was submission but meeting people and getting close even in say, a spontaneous environment as this thread suggests, submission HAD to be inspired and it was usually sexual submission at that early point, or there was none and likely there would be no...submission at all.
There is always the possibility that even with that, it was temporary and those involved may never have formed a relationship at all. Still submission was inspired. I think the rest of this conversation is about the latter forming of a relationship. Even then from your earliest experiences, your continuing submission one might say...was inspired from the very beginning.
Oh and as for 'breaking in' someone, I believe that involves force. I force those shoes to fit my feet. Force for me is not a relationship trait but most often, a spontaneous kinky, sexual fetish.
|
|
|
|
