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how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 3:20:47 AM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		i was wondering, how does one get a sub/slave to perform? i know of some ways to do so, and i know some things so far that seem to work on me, but was wondering of others? does it work for sub/slave, or is it dependent?

i was told to fear the Domme, yet i can't see myself realistic perform out of actual fear, even if a Domme succeeds in instill it in me...but i am more concern of survival instincts to kick in before doing anything out of fear, due to my life experiences so far and how i deal with fear, whenever i do have any hint of it...like converting into strength or/anger depending in the situation i am in, which can be dangerous if i am ever pushed to far, like being cornered in some way.

then of course, no Domme as ever tried to instill any fear in me, as they usually prefer other ways to to get me to 'perform', which is usually more effective.

so what do people think? i am just bringing this up as it was something i have been thinking about. while a Domme who prefer instilling fear in a sub/slave doesn't seem all that good and not what i am looking for exactly, for some reason feels like a challenge to me. whatever, i am just weird :p

-mellian
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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 5:00:02 AM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		It would probably help if you explain to us what you mean, exactly, by performing? i.e. Public displays of some sort, or sexual performance, etc etc.

Personally, I would not really enjoy instilling a sense of fear in any relationship I have - been there done that (Uncle Sams Misguided Children) but that's just me.

Stephan

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 7:01:20 AM   
MissP


Posts: 103
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		The very idea of having somebody perform for me out of fear squicks me. Yes, I do enjoy scaring people every now and then, not to mention the odd mindfuck. However, I've found that subs generally perform much better if they are genuinely trying to please.

They are subbing to me because that is what they truly want to do. Therefore a good performance would be brought about by their need to please me. And that comes from a love/worship stance, not one of fear.

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 7:33:08 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Respect. That is how they get you to serve them. If they just walk up to you and bark orders you're probably going to do what they want once, or maybe not. If they continue to do it and you have any sort of good head on your shoulders you're going to tell them to go to hell.
If they earn your respect they will have a lifetime of service. If the rest of the factors mesh of course. As humans we don't mind doing things for people we respect.

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 9:21:06 AM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		getting someone to "perform" by fear is totally counter-productive.
They "perform" because THEY want to to please their Dom.
To force someone to do something by fear will only degrade that person.
Even if they are a "pain-slut" that is even more counter productive.


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Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 10:48:26 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Midear Mellian-

I usually find theat the people that I interact with come to the table with enough fear. I really don't want to instill anymore.

It is a key thing to work with- Fear and desire are the root of all emotions, and it is good to get down to those levels to properly manipluate a subject- but not so she fears me- so her desire to please me overrides her fear.

Of course, we do use the fear to manipulate the subject, but there is plenty there to work with. We need the fear- all movement is the result of the tension between opposing forces- as much as we need the desire to draw them through it.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 10:49:33 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Hey Jarhead- Happy Birthday!

knew there was someone I was forgetting...

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 11:05:10 AM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		so yes, the one who told me to fear the Domme is some Domme who also says that fear is an integral part of a bdsm relationship. coupled with the fact i am talking to this person online, it is hard to take what she said seriously. :p

-mellian

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 12:29:44 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

coupled with the fact i am talking to this person online, it is hard to take what she said seriously


It should'nt matter if it is online or not. If you are negotiating with this person to sometime meet them real time. Didn't a red flag just go up?
Serious or kidding does not matter. Why would you kid about something as serious as a lifestyle relationship? When the idea is to actually meet? I can see joking around now and then.
If negotiating you should know when there is joking and when not. If it were me, red flags just went up. They have been dismissed.

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 1:44:52 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Greetings mellian and welcome to the boards!

Personally, If one person tells another that one way is right, and only that way is right, then, they are wrong!(did that make sense?...lol)

No One can tell you what is 'right'... they can express their own thoughts and desire, but that doesnt mean that You must adhere to them. If You do, then that is (IMO) a form of submission.

In truth, You must follow what makes you feel comfortable at this point. If fearing all Dommes does not sit well with you, then You are under no obligation to agree. Negotiation is about discovering what each other needs and desires. If You can't agree, then compromise... if there cannot be a compromise, then move on. Paths cross, and paths can seperate...

Some people respond to fear... some to pain... others respond to pleasure/pleasing... everyone is unique. The problems arise when pressure is put on... when an idea is non consensual. In such cases, there is nothing more powerful and brave than the realisation and walking away with ones head held high, knowing ones done their best and are being true to themself.

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.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 2:38:15 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I still want to know what kind of performance. Granted, it doesn't make a huge difference in my opinions on the subject, but I'd like to know.

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~in the begining it is always dark~

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 2:52:23 PM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline 		Back in the days of the old west, you used to be able to make a cowboy dance by shooting at his feet, is that what ya mean by perform?

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 4:14:14 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Here is a thread from a long time ago about fear:

fear in a sub's eyes

< Message edited by proudsub -- 11/16/2004 10:32:04 PM >

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 4:30:02 PM   
mellian


Posts: 211
Joined: 9/6/2004
Status: offline 		as for what i mean exactly by performing, not sure exactly. just using that because that Domme who told me to fear a Domme, and that fear is integral to bdsm, used the word perform. so probably means by perform a sub/slave that doesn't disobey, they follow and do what they are told, to take whatever they receive and so on.

personally, i see love and my devotion to serve a Domme to be use in someway to get me to perform, a long with other means i am sure depending on the relationship i may have with a Domme, and the Domme herself.

-mellian


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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 5:02:44 PM   
sterlingsweet


Posts: 180
Joined: 8/10/2004
Status: offline 		As for me it is TRUST, SECURITY, MUTUAL RESPECT, LOVING ENCOURAGEMENT, and SUPPORT.

< Message edited by sterlingsweet -- 11/16/2004 5:03:32 PM >

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Who Let the Dommes Out?? (I'd like to Thank them).
~Wink

Peace Out...Sterlingsweet

I finally got my cuffs,
I hope to use them soon ~wink

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/16/2004 10:34:09 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mellian
so probably means by perform a sub/slave that doesn't disobey, they follow and do what they are told, to take whatever they receive and so on.


My respect and love for my partner. Period. I chose to serve him because I respected him, now I obey him because of that choice.'

Your mileage may vary.

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~in the begining it is always dark~

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/17/2004 12:16:58 AM   
111597


Posts: 22
Joined: 11/8/2004
Status: offline 		First of all performance can refer to sexual or lifestyle performance. After reading your "post" I kind of figured it was lifestyle.
Second, I am a domme. All that means is that I a woman takes the dominant role. No difference exists between the Master and Mistress. Both are charged with the same responsibility of how to get their slaves or subs to perform.
I never yell. I never demand someone do something. As a matter of fact, I usually say please and thank you.
I get respect from my slave because he gives it to me. It is sole purpose in life to please me. It is not a game.
If you are interested in the lifestyle, we need you to be a little more specific.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan




Attachment (1)

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RE: how does one get a sub/slave to perform? - 11/17/2004 10:30:59 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I have scanned this thread quickly, so hopefully I am not repeating too much. I am having a problem with the word "perform". Yes, I know W/we can give a good performance in our job, but somehow using the word in the context of a BDSM relationship keeps bringing to mind a "trained" circus animal. Just My mind at work here.
I am soft-spoken, I imagine I do strike some fear into the hearts of a slave at times. BUT...it is not My intent, and I do not rule by fear. I prefer love and mutual respect. I also say please and thank you, at times, and have had slaves tell Me they think this is inappropriate. Well, that is who I am. Don't try to change My personality to suit your idea or comfort level as a 24/7.
Yes, when it comes to punishment time, or even certain play times, fear is an integrel part of the moment. That fear can also bring additional pleasure.
But I note you say (even though it is an online relationship) that you worry about disobeying or being backed into a corner and revolting. It is up to a Mistress or Master to understand these things, and respect limits. I will not deliberately put anyone in harm's way, or participate in illegal acts, so communication and reasons behind limits are very important. A Master or Mistress, if you are honest, should be able to determine what is ok, and what is not ok for your mental and emotional well-being, and what is a soft limit that can be pushed when the time is right. If these things a belittled or not respected and talked out, then you have a decison to make. Stay or don't stay with the relationship.
Communicate.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 11/17/2004 10:37:17 AM >

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Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


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