Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (Full Version)

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li2013 -> Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 7:09:27 AM)

I honestly don't understand it.

DO all dominants feel this way or is it just a minority?

I like being submissive but I cant see why anyone would want to destroy/be destroyed

It's not rare, it's on so many profiles, am I a bit naïve? or is this acceptableng?

cant people dominante without destroying?



Hillwilliam -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 7:13:41 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: li2013


cant people dominante without destroying?

The competent ones can.



SweetAnise -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 7:14:26 AM)

Dominant people should not be out to destroy anyone. They should cherish the one who serves them. Many people you will find have no idea what being dominant is...follow your gut...and don't fall for unacceptable practices by "dominants" who simply may be insecure, sociopaths, control freaks, who have been rejected and looking to abuse, use, and misuse others. You are far more valuable than that.




DarkSteven -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 7:14:31 AM)

I wouldn't call them Doms. IMO, a Dom accepts responsibility for their sub.

I know a lot of Dominants, male and female. All of them care for their subs.



Liveasyourslave -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 7:35:22 AM)

I do not think most Dominants seek to destroy or break a submissive; train, guide, and control but not destroy or break.

Take all profiles with a grain of salt, some seem to an element of illusion and fantasy to them. Do not rush to Dominate or submit to anyone, get to know them first. Take the time to get to know yourself, too. Especially, If you are serious about what you want to do.

Respectfully,
dorei



DarkSteven -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 8:00:28 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Liveasyourslave
Do not rush to Dominate or submit to anyone, get to know them first. Take the time to get to know yourself, too. Especially, If you are serious about what you want to do.

Respectfully,
dorei


This brings up a point - whether someone is Dom or sub does not mean that they will be a good match for you. If a Domme doesn't match what you need - move on and keep looking.



TNDommeK -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 8:01:57 AM)

Anyone can claim a title.



ARIES83 -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 8:14:47 AM)

Maybe you have 'super villains' ticked in your search filter...

"Dominate & Destroy"! Sounds like a video game.[:D]
Or something a malfunctioning robot might say as it terrorises people!

But seriously,
If you read this link you may find some interesting things relating to peoples thoughts on 'Breaking' people 'Breaking in' people and generally what people think, when they think Dominance.
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4529845



Marc2b -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 8:18:46 AM)

If they want to destroy/break someone then they are not a dominant... they are a psycho.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 8:22:17 AM)

Ever tame a horse? An unbroken horse is not pleasant to ride. Who would want that?

Are we talking "breaking" as in to destroy someone's spirit or are you talking about "breaking" like horse training or slave training? Often personality and perspective adjustments . . . like home remodeling, there is some degree of demo needed.

Does army boot camp "break" you or train you and give you new skills and perspectives? Including respect for chain of command and obedience?




Missokyst -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 8:50:04 AM)

I view those "I will break you" type as popeye. That is, clueless doms that use that phrase because they think it makes us hot and spend so much time masturbating at their computers they develop their forearms in the process.



lizi -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 8:50:12 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: li2013

I honestly don't understand it.

DO all dominants feel this way or is it just a minority?

I like being submissive but I cant see why anyone would want to destroy/be destroyed

It's not rare, it's on so many profiles, am I a bit naïve? or is this acceptableng?

cant people dominante without destroying?



You're right, it's a fairly common thing said in profiles. The people saying that are unexperienced, and echoing what they've seen in porn or other fantasy-based vehicles, or even just mimicking what they've seen on other profiles in order to make it look like they know what they're talking about.

Lots of people are drawn to BDSM because of what is in their heads about it, they don't understand how it plays out in real life. Think of the 50 shades of gray fans. Another large contingent are those with no social skills that think this lifestyle will give them instant success in relationships, or getting laid, or some other goal like instant money.

Fortunately the answer is simple! Ignore the women who purport to be destroyers and look instead for the ones who want a successful, nurturing relationship along the lines of what you are looking for.




JeffBC -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 8:55:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: li2013
It's not rare, it's on so many profiles, am I a bit naïve? or is this acceptableng?

You are naive. Your mistake is thinking that anything you read online bears any resemblance to real life BDSM. I have generally found what I read online and what I observe offline to vary wildly.



jola37 -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 9:03:49 AM)

I saw a profile here like the ones mentioned, it was actually a bit shocking and I've been online for years seeing stuff. It mentioned the destroying thing many times, including her getting to know your family and then destroying them too, taking all your money, losing you your job. Remember thinking if this floats anyone's boat, then I really hope they know what they're getting into.

If the Domme/Dom doesn't care for the sub (and vice versa), then it's not bdsm in my books.



Miyani -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 9:11:26 AM)

My job is to build my boy up, increase his confidence, show him how strong and capable he is. In the context of the general relationship. Sometimes that does involve "breaking" part of his mindset, not in a way that damages him, but in a way that opens his mind to thinking of something in different ways. Basic example, he had a very idealistic example of what D/s relationships were, when we met, mostly brought on by too much erotica and not enough experience. I had to shock him out of that view, while being a confident guiding hand, so that we could together build a relationship that makes both of us happy. So that's one kind of breaking that isn't related to destruction.

In the context of a scene, I very much enjoy "breaking" him. Taking him, not past his limits, but past what he thought he could do or take. Crumbling the walls around him, so that he's all raw sensation and honest emotion, and we can really see the truth of each other. And then I very much enjoy holding him, telling him how good he was, making sure that the scene ends in pleasure, and bringing him around to being really proud of himself, too, for everything he is capable of being for me. That's another kind of breaking, of which the point really is the rebuild, and a happy conclusion.

So not every form of breaking someone is bad, or harmful (as long as it is done with care, and genuine concern for the sub's well-being). I wouldn't necessarily shy away from anyone who uses the word "break."

The people who claim to want to destroy a sub, beat them down until they are a shell of their former selves, completely dependent on the one who broke them... yeah, those f&*kers are scary. And also have a worldview based in too much porn. Run for the hills.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 9:43:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I view those "I will break you" type as popeye. That is, clueless doms that use that phrase because they think it makes us hot and spend so much time masturbating at their computers they develop their forearms in the process.


I looked through the profiles to see what you guys were referring to. I see the stereotype you all are talking about. It's the online delusions of the "bow down all my minions" type. I originally thought the OP was talking about something based in reality.

[image]local://upfiles/390966/88AC47E9E4B04783AC836B55E3411C7C.jpg[/image]



LadyPact -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 10:03:40 AM)

I think it is the stereotype that is being referred to here.

Just a week or two ago, somebody put up a poll regarding what people thought was the percentage of folks on the site that really do engage in BDSM. While there is no way to know what the accurate percentage is, I think it's realistic to say that a certain percentage of the profiles on the other side don't really have a good introduction to kink other than bad porn or what they have conjured up in their own head. In other words, some is much more fantasy based than would transfer to reality.

The pinch of salt expression is good advice when reading profiles, sometimes.



TNDommeK -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 10:50:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Ever tame a horse? An unbroken horse is not pleasant to ride. Who would want that?

Are we talking "breaking" as in to destroy someone's spirit or are you talking about "breaking" like horse training or slave training? Often personality and perspective adjustments . . . like home remodeling, there is some degree of demo needed.

Does army boot camp "break" you or train you and give you new skills and perspectives? Including respect for chain of command and obedience?





Wow, I'm blond today. I was thinking of it being used in the context that those fin ducks use it. Ya know.."bow to me pig, I will destroy your wallet"bla bla bla



OrionTheWolf -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 12:16:32 PM)

There are a few that mean breaking, as in breaking down any resistance. I agree that most seem to mean breaking as in demeaning, humiliation and such. Some are into that on both sides though. Personally it seems like a banana type relationship, where you take all the fruit and then toss the peeling away.



FelineRanger -> RE: Why do some dominants want to destroy/break people? (8/26/2013 12:43:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Does army boot camp "break" you or train you and give you new skills and perspectives? Including respect for chain of command and obedience?



In all actuality, Basic Training in all the services does a little of both.



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