njlauren
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Joined: 10/1/2011
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ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
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ORIGINAL: MrRodgers
Oh absolutely, the shoes are a must.
Heheh a man who understands the importance of shoes - that's awesome. 
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But I am thinking with the above, you just answered just about all of your questions. It has always been my position that even in vanilla households similar to my parents. Dad took care of the big things, gave mom money for the bills while Mom worked and saved every penny she could. (Ex: mom never paid interest on her credit card during her last 49 years)
Oh the majority of the questions asked have already been answered for myself. I've worked through nearly all of this already, and wanted to put it out there to see how others felt in similar processes. It's been interesting, and I've had some enlightening moments along the way - all good, and what I was hoping for.
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The big difference today is that the bank is the last place to put your savings. My policy is that it all goes into the market.
I've got a financial planner for assistance there when the time is right. The goal is to eventually rebuild what I lost and then some. Hopefully he understands the importance of shoes, too. 
I agree totally! On a tangent, be careful with your financial planner, there are a lot of charlatans out there, and please make sure that if you aren't, you are looking at where he is putting your money. First of all, there are more than a few financial planners out there who basically are some scmuck who hung out a sign and sign 'financial planning', some of them might even be accountants with CPA's and such, but that is not a financial planner necessarily. Make sure they are certified, and again, either yourself and possibly your M, should look at what he is investing in. I have worked in the financial industry from almost 30 years, and there is a lot of chicanery out there. For example, so called financial planners can take nest eggs from people and put them into hedge funds and such, where as an individual you could not invest (most have gateways in the millions of dollars), but where they pool ordinary people's money and throw them into these. Hedge funds can have high rates of return, but they also are risky as hell, and a good number of people in the most spectacular case of all, the Madoff ponzi scheme, lost their life savings because their 'financial adviser' was paid by Madoff to invest his client's money in it......so it is good to always ask where he is investing your money, and what his strategy is....put it this way, if the rate of return seems too high (i.e it is returning 20% a year for a number of years, no matter what the markets do), I would be suspicious..caveat emptor is important.......
Anyway, don't want to hijack the thread, I think simply what you are facing is what a lot of subs face. In my experience (and it is all just that, mine), a lot of subs I know tend to be very independent people, many of whom have supported themselves, worked all their lives, and are not in their real lives 'doormats' as such. So to go into a situation where you aren't controlling the 'real life' aspects of your life, like paying for shelter, food, clothing, etc, can be scary, cause you are now depending on someone else. It is a dilemma stay at home moms face, even with divorce laws and such supposedly protecting them, they are often going from being people supporting themselves, to being totally dependent (and unless H is really well off, when you get divorced, it can be financially shaky for a divorced mom with kids, to say the least).....so they often have the same thoughts, my sweetie has been in that position since our kid was born, for a variety of reasons, and at times she is scared, even though knowing that I am not the type of person to ever abandon anyone I loved or once loved, it is still scary to have given up that control and power..has nothing to do with our kinky side whatsoever......and if ever faced where I wasn't the one providing the money in the family, where I had to be the one in effect 'taking', I suspect I would have the same issues you are doing.
I think others have given you great advice on how to deal with it, and you sound like you have a really great M in the way he is handling this, he understands your concerns and is telling you to save your money, to invest it, and have it available at the very least, so you know if you guys split up, you have resources to get your back on your feet..and he is helping you rebuild your nest egg you lost in the divorce, which he knows will further build up your confidence...(and I think personally he is smart, subs with confidence IME are a lot more willing to submit and give in to the M's control, if the anxiety isn't there, you can dive in:). He sounds like a pretty good catch to me, a pretty good example of an ethical, thoughtful M, in that while he is the M, he obviously thinks of you, too:).
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RE: Moving, money and mortgage - 
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