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Balancing Career and a Relationship? - 8/28/2013 6:53:23 AM

RomanticRebel

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I suppose what I'm looking for here is advice. A little background information: My chosen profession can be a very intense one. It is not unusual for me to work 10-14 hour days, sometimes until 9 or 10pm. I'm not complaining about what I do, mind. I love it, I'm paid well for it, and I cannot see myself doing anything else. What my question is, is how does one have both a successful career and a stable, loving D/s relationship as well?

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RE: Balancing Career and a Relationship? - 8/28/2013 7:02:11 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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It's not easy. I've had jobs like that, and the last thing I wanted to do when I got home was take his socks off or make dinner.

I suggest you try to separate service activities and responsibilities from personal ones.

You can hire someone to clean the house or cook the dinner, but your domme most likely wants you to be the one who attends to more personal things.

Treat her to a day salon gift card on those weeks you know your schedule will be particularly hectic.

The main thing is to communicate, divide responsibilities fairly based on the relationship and NOT the dynamic, and don't forget you're there to have fun. Try to pare down to what you both really need and enjoy and then concentrate on that.

Like for us, it's cuddle time. Most everything else can wait, though I still have to take his socks off, he just likes it for some reason.

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RE: Balancing Career and a Relationship? - 8/28/2013 2:33:57 PM

HarryVanWinkle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RomanticRebel

I suppose what I'm looking for here is advice. A little background information: My chosen profession can be a very intense one. It is not unusual for me to work 10-14 hour days, sometimes until 9 or 10pm. I'm not complaining about what I do, mind. I love it, I'm paid well for it, and I cannot see myself doing anything else. What my question is, is how does one have both a successful career and a stable, loving D/s relationship as well?

Umm, the same way one has both a successful career and a stable, loving vanilla relationship. With great difficulty, a lot of communication and a lot of compromise.

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RE: Balancing Career and a Relationship? - 8/28/2013 3:00:34 PM

RomanticRebel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

It's not easy. I've had jobs like that, and the last thing I wanted to do when I got home was take his socks off or make dinner.

I suggest you try to separate service activities and responsibilities from personal ones.

You can hire someone to clean the house or cook the dinner, but your domme most likely wants you to be the one who attends to more personal things.

Treat her to a day salon gift card on those weeks you know your schedule will be particularly hectic.

The main thing is to communicate, divide responsibilities fairly based on the relationship and NOT the dynamic, and don't forget you're there to have fun. Try to pare down to what you both really need and enjoy and then concentrate on that.

Like for us, it's cuddle time. Most everything else can wait, though I still have to take his socks off, he just likes it for some reason.

Thank you for the solid advice. I also had a friend of mine advise nightly phone calls for the times I am on the road(which I consider a great idea). I understand it might be a real deal breaker for some, but that's life I suppose.

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RE: Balancing Career and a Relationship? - 8/28/2013 3:53:03 PM

RomanticRebel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle
Umm, the same way one has both a successful career and a stable, loving vanilla relationship. With great difficulty, a lot of communication and a lot of compromise.

See, I would have to disagree to an extent. I feel that a D/s relationship requires a certain level of trust and communication that is beyond that of a vanilla relationship. Just my two cents.

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RE: Balancing Career and a Relationship? - 8/28/2013 6:27:47 PM

ARIES83

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I'm going to say... It's like eating and talking... If you try to do both at the same time, you'll end up doing neither very well.

I've been working 6 days a week, getting back in at 9-10 oclock.
When I get home I'll eat while finishing reports, then go to sleep... On Sunday... I sleep... I have a much lower tolerance for frustration at the moment.
When I wake up I'll eat, workout, shower an it's off to work...

How can you have any kind of good relationship when you never see the other person?!
So my vote is, you can either have a demanding career or relationship but not both... In my opinion having both requires trade offs in both areas, and it ultimatly comes down to your priorities.

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RE: Balancing Career and a Relationship? - 8/28/2013 6:41:20 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RomanticRebel

I suppose what I'm looking for here is advice. A little background information: My chosen profession can be a very intense one. It is not unusual for me to work 10-14 hour days, sometimes until 9 or 10pm. I'm not complaining about what I do, mind. I love it, I'm paid well for it, and I cannot see myself doing anything else. What my question is, is how does one have both a successful career and a stable, loving D/s relationship as well?

Master and I both have busy careers but we make time for each other. It means we balance our lives. We make time for each other. Sometimes we have to let other things fall by the wayside to do that but we feel our relationship is more important than things say such as making sure the house is clean every single day or running out for groceries or hanging out with others, etc...

If you can't force yourself to set other things aside to make quality time for each other than the relationship will fail. Relationships take work. Anyone who tells you otherwise is kidding themselves imo.

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RE: Balancing Career and a Relationship? - 8/28/2013 6:42:51 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RomanticRebel

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle
Umm, the same way one has both a successful career and a stable, loving vanilla relationship. With great difficulty, a lot of communication and a lot of compromise.

See, I would have to disagree to an extent. I feel that a D/s relationship requires a certain level of trust and communication that is beyond that of a vanilla relationship. Just my two cents.

And that is why your relationship will fail.

The day you finally see your relationship just like everyone else's is the day it will finally click for you.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 8/28/2013 6:43:27 PM >

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RE: Balancing Career and a Relationship? - 8/28/2013 8:27:53 PM

theshytype

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RomanticRebel

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle
Umm, the same way one has both a successful career and a stable, loving vanilla relationship. With great difficulty, a lot of communication and a lot of compromise.

See, I would have to disagree to an extent. I feel that a D/s relationship requires a certain level of trust and communication that is beyond that of a vanilla relationship. Just my two cents.

I don't. My marriage started off completely vanilla, sharing 50/50 in all control and decisions. There has been no change in the level of trust or communication since I gave up my half. Nothing changed except we feel more comfortable and fulfilled in our new "roles". That does not mean D/s is more fulfilling, either. But, it is more fulfilling when we can be who we are instead of who we believe we ought to be.

As far as your original question, it's not an easy thing and it's not for everyone.
My husband works a different shift so our time during the week is limited. I'm exhausted from working a full day then tending to three kids. He's exhausted when he comes home from work.
Communication is key. Patience and understanding is necessary. Texting is our friend. The little things are very special to us.

I always wait up for him but sometimes there are days when I'm mentally and physically unable to make it much past then in which case he tucks me into bed as he tells me about his day.

Like LittleWonder said, we make sacrifices everyday and place a higher priority on what's most important to us. It is possible to have both, just maybe not for everyone.

< Message edited by theshytype -- 8/28/2013 8:29:55 PM >

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RE: Balancing Career and a Relationship? - 8/28/2013 8:34:16 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RomanticRebel
I suppose what I'm looking for here is advice. A little background information: My chosen profession can be a very intense one. It is not unusual for me to work 10-14 hour days, sometimes until 9 or 10pm. I'm not complaining about what I do, mind. I love it, I'm paid well for it, and I cannot see myself doing anything else. What my question is, is how does one have both a successful career and a stable, loving D/s relationship as well?

I know a guy who spends at least 50% of his time on the road and tends to work long-ish hours even when he's home. Their relationship is one of the most loving I've ever seen. They class it as top/bottom but I roll my eyes at that. I'd call them M/s.

I honesty don't know how it works for them. I certainly couldn't tolerate it. They manage to. In the end I think you need a partner who is capable of forming strong bonds without a lot of direct interaction.

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RE: Balancing Career and a Relationship? - 8/28/2013 8:56:33 PM

littlewonder

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My sister is married to a truck driver. She sees him one weekend maybe every two weeks. She doesn't seem him at all most of the time during the week unless it's a special occasion or work is extremely slow and he can't get a load. They have been married for about 15 years now and still going strong.

How do they do it? The same as I mentioned. They make their marriage and children a priority. They call and text all day long. They keep each other in the loop and they do special things for each other. Again, d/s, m/s, vanilla....no different.

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RE: Balancing Career and a Relationship? - 8/31/2013 3:19:49 PM

HarryVanWinkle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RomanticRebel

quote:

ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle
Umm, the same way one has both a successful career and a stable, loving vanilla relationship. With great difficulty, a lot of communication and a lot of compromise.

See, I would have to disagree to an extent. I feel that a D/s relationship requires a certain level of trust and communication that is beyond that of a vanilla relationship. Just my two cents.

I would say that the only difference between a stable, loving D/s relationship and a stable loving vanilla relationship is the presence of D/s.

There is nothing about BDSM that makes "us" in any way superior to "them". We are not an "elite". We're just kinky.

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