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Need Discipline - 11/16/2004 7:34:21 AM

wifesmaid

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/15/2004
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i am a crossdresser who is fortunate enough to have a very accepting Wife. i have been out as a Woman with Her several times and i love this lifestyle. i do housework in a maid's dress that i feel very sissy in especially when She giggles. She has playfully threatened to have me serve Her friends but the truth is i'd love for Her to carry it out. i would very much like to be diciplined and humiliated by Her but She is not the dominant type. Any thoughts on how i could get Her to be a strict Mistress would be appreciated.

Post #: 1

RE: Need Discipline - 11/16/2004 7:38:01 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

She has playfully threatened to have me serve Her friends but the truth is i'd love for Her to carry it out

Communicate your feelings with her. It sounds as though she loves you a great deal. Will go the extra mile. So be honest. You've been honest about your CD desires. Be honest about where you'd like your desires to go.
The worst than can happen is she says no. The most, your every fantasy is lived out.

(in reply to wifesmaid)

Post #: 2

RE: Need Discipline - 11/16/2004 3:51:24 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

It might help to watch some bdsm oriented videos together. I know when Hubby and i watch a bondage video i get spanked a lot harder. He also learned hair pulling from one that we watched.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to wifesmaid)

Post #: 3

RE: Need Discipline - 11/17/2004 2:26:06 AM

LadyBadger

Posts: 176
Joined: 11/6/2004
From: Lake Forest, CA
Status: offline

there's this older couple I've been coaching for a while now... he's been wanting her to Domme him for years and now that they are both retired, she's taking an interest...

thing is, she's so used to the former dynamics of their long-time marriage and being an assertive Domme is a very odd concept to her... very frustrating!

what I've done to assist her is talk about the attitude and reframe/reperception it for her in terms she understands well... in this instance, it's a business/office model and SHE's the Manager; he's the employee... NOW she gets it -- it will be interesting to hear back how it's been going... ::smile::

as Manager, She is in charge of her employee, who needs constant supervision and direction in order to perform well at his tasks... She cannot merely tell him She doesn't like something he's done; She has to tell him what She DOES want in very clear terms... She has to set his assignments, even to making a list of things to do when he completes his chores & She's not immediately available... She has to tell him what is Her dress code is and enforce it...

as with most children, punishment(s) must suit the crime and person... since he loves corporal, then a caning might not be advisable; She should choose something else he does NOT like...

the bottom line is, She has total control over him -- what he does, wears, eats, everything... though this is a longstanding fantasy for him, it may be the reality won't be what he envisioned... ::grin:: which is all the better, I think!

after all that, my suggestion is to find a way to "reframe" what you want into something she is familiar with --- teacher/student, manager/employee, Queen/personal attendant, whatever... once she sees the parallels in the relationship dynamics for whichever model works, it will be easier for her to take control...

make sense? ::smile::

LadyBadger
PS: here's a website from my bookmarks that may help too:
http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/Garden/8396/

(in reply to wifesmaid)

Post #: 4

RE: Need Discipline - 11/17/2004 6:15:52 AM

wifesmaid

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

Thank you all for your input, your suggestions make a lot of sense. One thing i do know is i have to go slow here, there is a fine line between my being transgendered and my desire to be dominated. i do not want Her to feel that my feminine side is all about fetish, it certainly isn't. i can spend days totally dressed in pretty things, high heels and makeup and not be aroused sexually in the least. But put me in that maids dress and i immediately feel a need to be diciplined and the thought of what could be is very erotic. I have come close to seeking a Dominatrix to fulfill this need but i know that would destroy our relationship. Instead i found my way here and from what i've read there is a lot to learn about B&D......for both of us. So i'll stick around for a while and learn what i can before buying a paddle for Her and a collar for me!
Thanks again for your suggestions, you have all been very helpful.

(in reply to LadyBadger)

Post #: 5

RE: Need Discipline - 11/17/2004 7:35:04 AM

sweetpleaser

Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline

Proud: what videos would you suggest? Sorry for the hijack here wifesmaid.

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 6

RE: Need Discipline - 11/17/2004 12:50:51 PM

LadyBadger

Posts: 176
Joined: 11/6/2004
From: Lake Forest, CA
Status: offline

you mention "being transgendered"... do you mean you wish to completely change gender, even surgical reassignment & hormones? because "transgender" and "crossdressing" are two very different worlds & concepts...

that aside, let's tailor my suggestion to your situation... ::smile:: you mention loving to be dressed/made up and not being sexualized (e.g., turned on)... you could (and probably have already) explain/clarify this to your Lady Wife as simply an enjoyment of all things feminine, just like others like to dress up in costumes and take on personas... that this, however, is more than a hobby or pastime for you...

as for dressing in maid's outfit & the feelings you get there -- ask her if she'd roleplay a little scene with you... pretend play/acting, if you will... this she should understand... and know that it's OK for grown-ups to play like this...

you can set the stage by your costuming, having the props available, and an outline or barebones scenario -- something to get her started... then let it play out as she wishes...

say, She's the Headmistress of an exclusive girl's school and you're the cleaning staff... she has very exacting standards for cleanliness and you've just "missed a spot", didn't pass the white glove test... what next?

or think of some film scene with similar dynamics that she can reference...

does that help more? ::smile::

LadyBadger

(in reply to wifesmaid)

Post #: 7

RE: Need Discipline - 11/17/2004 2:09:02 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

Proud: what videos would you suggest? Sorry for the hijack here wifesmaid.

Most of the ones we have watched were rented and i have no idea of the titles. We have found it hard to find ones involving both men and women, most seem to be Dominatrix ones with female subs. The one we own is a 4 DVD set called "Fashionistas". It sort of has a plot involving a latex fashion designer. I'm sure others here can give you some more titles. That reminds me, daughter arrives home tomorrow so we need to put all those videos and toys away.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to sweetpleaser)

Post #: 8

RE: Need Discipline - 11/17/2004 2:59:44 PM

wifesmaid

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

LadyBadger,

Ah, you have touched on a subject that many of us in the TG community can't agree on. The way i see it the word "transgender" encompasses everyone who to one degree or another is attracted to the opposite gender for whatever reason. One can be transgendered and not necessarily go all the way with hormones and surgery. As for myself i feel more connected to this feminine side in an emotional sense and while i'm not contemplating any physical changes i am comfortable just being able to express who i feel i am.
i guess a way to simplify things is i am just another Woman who has come here seeking advice on how to get Her partner who happens to be female to dominate Her. Make sense? After all, BDSM is for anyone who shows an interest whether they are gay, bi, straight and yes....transgendered.
You touched on point in your last reply that i hadn't thought of. Suppose my Wife finds that She enjoys dominating me. Since i want corporal punishment She will now deny me my pleasures if She chooses and find ways to punish me i don't like. i think i just learned my first lesson on being a sub, it's not about what i want, it's about what i get or i'm not worthy of Her time.
And thanks for putting me onto that web site, i think it is an excellent place to start that is not likely to scare Her off. Your suggestion of role playing as the maid fits perfectly and when She realizes She never has to lift a finger again i may find myself rather busy! You have been a very big help, now i only hope that i can be a worthy sub.

Curtsey
wifesmaid

(in reply to LadyBadger)

Post #: 9

RE: Need Discipline - 11/18/2004 6:44:13 PM

LadyBadger

Posts: 176
Joined: 11/6/2004
From: Lake Forest, CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wifesmaid

::snip::
You touched on point in your last reply that i hadn't thought of. Suppose my Wife finds that She enjoys dominating me. Since i want corporal punishment She will now deny me my pleasures if She chooses and find ways to punish me i don't like. i think i just learned my first lesson on being a sub, it's not about what i want, it's about what i get or i'm not worthy of Her time.

yes, that is one of the primary (and hardest to learn or convey) points OF submission... ::smile:: it's NOT about YOU & your wishes... it's about what SHE wants to do with your wants/wishes, assuming she will even consider them...

losing/re-directing that self-focus is one of the most difficult, yet necessary qualities for a sub in a D/s or BDSM relationship...

that you are discovering this and taking it to heart is good to see!

(in reply to wifesmaid)

Post #: 10

RE: Need Discipline - 11/19/2004 2:00:40 PM

wifesmaid

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

LadyBadger,

The concept of desiring to be punished but not the punishment is difficult to grasp and i find myself even more intrigued than before. Thank You so much for Your time on this. This is becomming quite an education i must say!

(in reply to LadyBadger)

Post #: 11

RE: Need Discipline - 11/20/2004 9:00:34 PM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wifesmaid
The way i see it the word "transgender" encompasses everyone who to one degree or another is attracted to the opposite gender for whatever reason. One can be transgendered and not necessarily go all the way with hormones and surgery. As for myself i feel more connected to this feminine side in an emotional sense and while i'm not contemplating any physical changes i am comfortable just being able to express who i feel i am.

Perhaps a clearer label (here we go with the labels) for this mixing of the genders is "two spirit". The native american indians commonly had respected and accepted members of their society who were of one sex that identified with the other equally or more than their own. I consider myself to be two spirit, as I identify as a male in many, many instances and butch up more often than not, but I have my Fem side too.

Fire

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to wifesmaid)

Post #: 12

RE: Need Discipline - 11/21/2004 12:32:58 PM

wifesmaid

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

Fire,

Yes. You are right of course, native American culture viewed those like us as "two spirited". If i am not mistaken they also held these individuals in high regard. Funny how things change.......had we been born a few hundred years ago we'd have been on a pedestal instead of hiding behind closed doors!

(in reply to MistressFire70)

Post #: 13

RE: Need Discipline - 11/21/2004 2:40:38 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

If you're hiding behind closed doors, it's because you have made the conscious decision to do so.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to wifesmaid)

Post #: 14

RE: Need Discipline - 11/21/2004 3:29:03 PM

wifesmaid

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

stef,

i was speaking in general terms that many in the TG community are still behind closed doors. Yes it is by choice but mosty out of fear. Just last week a CD i chat with was severely beaten and hospitalized and now faces several months of facial reconstruction. There is hatred out there and there always will be. i do go out but i am extremely cautious.

(in reply to stef)

Post #: 15

RE: Need Discipline - 11/23/2004 9:22:05 AM

masteroffire

Posts: 66
Joined: 11/9/2004
From: Yukon, Oklahoma
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wifesmaid

She has playfully threatened to have me serve Her friends

Freud would agree with me on this. If she mentions it jokingly, it means that is something she wants to do.

(in reply to wifesmaid)

Post #: 16

RE: Need Discipline - 11/23/2004 12:36:44 PM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Yes, they very much held these people in high regard. Most were spiritual guides, healers and/or artisans. They were also warriors and leaders, as needed.

People do not tolerate what they do not understand. And, some people just don't want to understand. I learned about the two-spirit people by doing research about a statement someone presented as an unsupported fact.

The story: My husband and I had a "discussion" about gay tendencies and whether they are natural and inherant or not. He stated that no "Earth/nature centered" culture had evidence of gay/lesbian people in their culture. I pretty much knew this was shit, but didn't have a reference to back it up (I'm a scientist. I don't like making or correcting statements without facts). So, I went looking...and left the book on the counter...he asked about it and I told him, but he never picked it up. So sad. I didn't even bother to share the research about same sex acts amongst animals (The hubby also stated that animals didn't have homosexual sex, so it therefore wasn't natural. His statement is false.).

Fire

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to wifesmaid)

Post #: 17

RE: Need Discipline - 11/23/2004 12:46:09 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

quote:

(The hubby also stated that animals didn't have homosexual sex, so it therefore wasn't natural. His statement is false.).

I have seen animals having homosexual sex first hand. At my school we have a group of Cupuchin monkeys and the non-dominant males often engage in sexual behaviors with one another, especially when they are young.

(in reply to MistressFire70)

Post #: 18

RE: Need Discipline - 11/26/2004 8:05:22 AM

wifesmaid

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

masteroffire,

Hmmmmmm, i guess we'll see if Freud is right. Last night while cleaning up in my maid's outfit after dinner She again teasingly threatened to have me serve Her and Her friends. i called Her bluff saying, "Anytime". The ball is in Her court, i wonder if i have the nerve.

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 19

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