how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister slave or sub who lies

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how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister slave ... - 6/30/2006 6:24:53 AM

lostsoul92468

Posts: 32
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

I am posting this for a friend who can't because she would get in trouble.
She has a sister slave who does things to get her in trouble. Stealing and planting it in her room or stuff. Lying on her saying she broke or used something she didn't. Telling her that Master wants her to go somewhere or do something then we she is finished or comes back denying that she said it and the list goes on. She get punished then when he finds out the truth says nothing.

How can this be corrected and the Master knows some of it but not all. He is choosing to say work it out yourselves.

Post #: 1

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 6/30/2006 6:34:38 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

If the master is saying to work it out between eachother, then he needs to be consistent in that. This also means not punishing, not responding, not even REACTING whenever one of them goes to him and says ANYTHING about the other slave. He should boringly say "That's nice dear, go talk to her about it" and then return to what was going on. If they insist, he needs to make them go away.

This might take at least a few weeks to have a real impact. Few doms have that sort of self discipline.

Rarely is this situation really as simple as "I'm nice and she's a bitch!" There's usually a host of insecurities on ALL sides and one person simply floats up as the bitchy manipulator while the other plays the poor victim. But really- everyone's just freakin insecure with the situation and has no idea what to do.

The bitchy one's behavior would actually be very easy to deal with IF the dom pushed down a bit harder on the rules and was consistent. The fact that it's gotten this far however, doesn't give one much hope.

The poor victims position is more difficult, because they have already shown they aren't the type of person who can confidently stand up for themselves. But if they can pull enough confidence together and start to simply communicate better and not let the other person be so passive aggressive with it- it will force the situation out.

Seriously, I've never seen it last. Once it's gotten to this sort of point, I've never seen it repair itself and work out in the long term. But there's always a first.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 2

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 6/30/2006 7:51:23 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsoul92468
...He is choosing to say work it out yourselves.

sounds like that's what they should be doing then, instead of burdening him with it all. frankly, it sounds like the crap unmentionables try to pull. in our house growing up there was three of us....we knew without a shadow of a doubt, if one of us got in trouble, we ALL got it, so more often than not, we worked together to conceal our "crimes" and stirring up shit pitting one against the other was not tolerated.

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 3

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 6/30/2006 9:42:13 PM

cutew

Posts: 15
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline

I have seen my children do this! And there are a few options for me to pick from, the fairest when I can't know for sure, which story is correct, I tell them they MUST work it out between themselves. I have even had them at times write out exactly what happened. Granted this is with children that don't like writing, but it worked the telling and trouble causing went down. BUT when I say they must work something out themselves I don't listen to one over the other!
    Personally if one lies to me a few times and I realize it, I am less likely to believe and punish the other for wrongs!
    What concerns me to be completely honest is the fact he does the punishment, then after realizing he was wrong, does not admit it, NOR does he address the wrong behaviour of the other! With my children, the wronged child deserves to know I was wrong and sorry for my actions...because I honestly am! And the other needs needs reinforcement to NOT cause problems!
    Granted this is as a mother looking at it, in helping my children settle arguements, grow and feel better in their relationships with each other.
     Not one I have experienced in the lifestyle, but I can't believe it is one sided only, although have seen such. But his Dom isn't leaving it to between them, punishing one for doing wrong, and not the other...I personally would question for myself why I would stay in such a relationship! There seems to be issues that the three of them need to sit and talk about. I know my Master would NEVER allow me to lie to him, and as a mother I don't allow that one either. To make up stories, or out right lie, steal or any of the rest, I simply wouldn't allow in my house.
    He needs to help them figure out why these hassles are there I think, he is the one that brought both into a relationship, by the sounds of it, he should either help them work it out, or allow one of them out, if they can't. It seems to have been proven though that the one that lies gets away with things, and when it comes to correcting those issues, he is doing nothing? Yet for this one I believe there is probably three sides to the story too.
   Personally I believe she should either ask for his help in sorting this all out, or ask him to do as he says and leave it between them, therefore NO punishment for either of them. If he did that, then the other would stop, as it buys her nothing.
     As for causing trouble that could still come about by the one saying he said to do this or that. a way to avoid this would be for him to give instructions only to her, OR in writing, so she had proof, that these instructions where given to her.
     Although I think it isn't that great of a situation she is in, if she has to worry about such things as covering her butt in all she does.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 4

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 6/30/2006 9:43:34 PM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

ya gotta grab them by the ears and do the "hokey pokey" and shake them all about...LOL

< Message edited by michaelGA2 -- 6/30/2006 9:44:14 PM >

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Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 5

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 6/30/2006 9:49:35 PM

LadyMorgynn

Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline

This hardly sounds like he is in control of his own household! If one choses to have more than one submissive, then one should be prepared to keep control of them and deal with this type of situation!

And frankly, if I had a slave who LIED to another slave about My orders, for no other purpose than to cause trouble, that slave would be GONE. Who needs a malicious, lying troublemaker in the household?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsoul92468

How can this be corrected and the Master knows some of it but not all. He is choosing to say work it out yourselves.

_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 6

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/1/2006 12:22:29 AM

fullofgrace

Posts: 395
Joined: 3/24/2006
From: fl, usa
Status: offline

i am with ladymorgynn. there is a point at which the "work it out yourselves" philosophy works.

but i can't imagine a dominant who is secure in his or her position and in control of the situation who would keep a slave who lies. to me, one of the foundations of a d/s relationship is about trust. any person who's deliberately lied and not shown remorse or shown remorse and then done it again, if i were the dominant, would probably be gone. all other things aside...i cannot tolerate lying...from anyone.

_____________________________

i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

Post #: 7

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/1/2006 12:28:29 AM

indybbwsubbie

Posts: 51
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

One of the many reasons that i do not think the poly lifestyle is right ....at least not for me. i have not met any successful poly families thus far. i am sure there are some out there - but seems to me there is just too much grief and jealousy to deal with.

indy subbie

"to chain the body is to free the soul"

(in reply to fullofgrace)

Post #: 8

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/1/2006 12:51:22 AM

vield

Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Interesting. We all have different needs and tastes, but I have found jealousy and guilt are corrosive to the lives of those who give them and those who accept them.

"Finding stable partners" is indeed a good answer. Telling your dom that you are going to do this may wake him up to the fact this is not minor or funny but is very important to you.

General rules never fit everyone, but it has been my experience that those who need to lie and manipulate others (often seeming to seek consequences) are very insecure, and often by creating drama around themselves they get to be the center of the attention of others.There is no way I know to aleviate this, as good attention and bad attention both put the person in the focus they need and want.

However the game playing lying manipulative submissive can be a fine partner for a dominant who also has the same traits. They can both be so busy scoring "points" and getting over on the other that both stay happy. Often both sub and dom are sadistic and both enjoy the emotional (and maybe physical) pain they give much more than they mind what comes back at them.

Naturally someone who is not into these games will be extremely miserable if they remain in this relationship.

As always these are MY thoughts and your mileage may vary.

viield

(in reply to indybbwsubbie)

Post #: 9

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/1/2006 5:46:38 AM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsoul92468
I am posting this for a friend who can't because she would get in trouble.

I think this might be the most telling sentence in your entire post. Regardless of what behaviors are coming from the "sister" sub, I would like to pose the questions: a. Why would she get into trouble for airing a concern? b. If she knows airing a concern on the forum would disappoint, embarass or anger her dom, why is she doing it anyway? (posting under a ghost-writer is still posting...disobeying on a technicality is still disobeying) c. Is communication so bad in this relationship that she feels afraid to bring this up with her dom and her sister submissive, and if so, is that not really the main issue that needs to be addressed in order for them to work through these problems? After all, if she is afraid to communicate openly with her dom, afraid she will lose him or suffer negative consequences, then the problem you are posting about really becomes incidental - it could be "anything" (fill in problem of the week __________ here) and most likely will be something else even after this one is a memory. Know what I mean? It seems to me that the issue at hand is most likely a symptom of the problem and not the problem itself. (Although, with that said, it would really be hard to keep one's cool under those circumstances and bravo to her for remaining calm and trying to find a solution!)
Edited to add Im sorry about the lousy format of this post, for some reason it would not let me start new paragraphs.

< Message edited by justheather -- 7/1/2006 5:47:33 AM >

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 10

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/1/2006 6:17:28 AM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

Who is actually runing the house? Personally I am not sure why as the dominant he would put up with this kind of chaos swirling in the house. I would sit the girls down individually and try and find what is at the root of the behavior so it can be settled. I have a feeling your friend is not simply "the innocent one" here, situations usually do not work that way. It is possible the other girl is jealous of certain interactions or just mean spirited, which if that were the case she would just have to go

Sometimes people do need to just work things out between themselves but as the dominant here I am the one resposible for the operation and peace of the house which means I have to be resposbile to make sure it happens.

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 7/1/2006 7:14:14 AM >

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 11

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/1/2006 6:28:13 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

Who is actually runing the house? Personally I am not sure why as the dominant he would put up with this kind of chaos swirling in the house. I wold sit the girls dopwn individually and try and find what is at the root of the behavior so it can be settled. I have a feeling your firned is not simply "the innocent one" here, situations usually do not work that way. It is possible the othr girl is jealous of certai interactions or just mean spirited, which if that were the case she would just have to go

Sometimes people do need to just work things out between themselves but as the dominant here I am the one resposible for the operation and peace of the house which means I have to be resposbile to make sure it happens.

K

It's funny cuz I've known plenty of doms who have gotten into this situation when attempting poly.

They want to be kind, forgiving, plus they don't want to give up the hot threesome sex and the public image of having two chicks on one leash and being "doubly masterful." So they either overlook the problems going on, ignore them completely, or make a royal mess of things trying to hope from one burner to the other.

Granted I've never seen it WORK in the long term- the situation usually dissolves and we end up with usually a couple all snarky about not being able to find a good poly sub, and a sub who's very anti-poly.

But that doesn't mean the dom isn't a dom- just that the dom isn't learning how to do poly and isn't managing the situation well.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to PlayfulOne)

Post #: 12

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/1/2006 6:49:06 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Not being a fan of poly for Myself, this is one of the roadblocks I would forsee as being a problem. However I do believe it is the Dominants responsibility to take control of the situation and "nip it in the bud!"....(quoting Barney Fife) It appears to me he is just taking the lazy way out or he does not know how to handle it and is hoping that by ignoring it it will go away which of course it won't. I would be interested to hear how this situation plays out.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 13

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/1/2006 7:50:53 AM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

Who is actually runing the house? Personally I am not sure why as the dominant he would put up with this kind of chaos swirling in the house. I wold sit the girls dopwn individually and try and find what is at the root of the behavior so it can be settled. I have a feeling your firned is not simply "the innocent one" here, situations usually do not work that way. It is possible the othr girl is jealous of certai interactions or just mean spirited, which if that were the case she would just have to go

Sometimes people do need to just work things out between themselves but as the dominant here I am the one resposible for the operation and peace of the house which means I have to be resposbile to make sure it happens.

K

It's funny cuz I've known plenty of doms who have gotten into this situation when attempting poly.

They want to be kind, forgiving, plus they don't want to give up the hot threesome sex and the public image of having two chicks on one leash and being "doubly masterful." So they either overlook the problems going on, ignore them completely, or make a royal mess of things trying to hope from one burner to the other.

Granted I've never seen it WORK in the long term- the situation usually dissolves and we end up with usually a couple all snarky about not being able to find a good poly sub, and a sub who's very anti-poly.

But that doesn't mean the dom isn't a dom- just that the dom isn't learning how to do poly and isn't managing the situation well.

Hot kinky threesomes are too easy to come by to put up with such foolish behavior. I did not suggest he wasn't a dom, what I questioned was why would any dominant put up with that kind of chaos and negative energy flowing in the house. It is poison and as the dominant I am the one resposible for the well being of the house and persons in it. Should I decide to bring others into the house I must be accountable for their actions. That does not excuse them from controlling their own behavior but in the end the success or failure of the house rest on my shoulders.

Balancing the welfare of the house and what is best for each individual is not always easy. I won't even try and claim I have always made it happen, but I will say that I have always tried to do what is right..

K

< Message edited by PlayfulOne -- 7/1/2006 7:52:43 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 14

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/1/2006 12:57:18 PM

TxBadMan

Posts: 198
Joined: 4/7/2006
From: Moody, Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostsoul92468

I am posting this for a friend who can't because she would get in trouble.
She has a sister slave who does things to get her in trouble. Stealing and planting it in her room or stuff. Lying on her saying she broke or used something she didn't. Telling her that Master wants her to go somewhere or do something then we she is finished or comes back denying that she said it and the list goes on. She get punished then when he finds out the truth says nothing.

How can this be corrected and the Master knows some of it but not all. He is choosing to say work it out yourselves.

Just myself, I would not have allowed such a situation to develop in the first place. If one of my slaves did act in such a manner, she would gone. I will not tolerate such immature behavior.

_____________________________

Chris

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 15

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/1/2006 10:29:48 PM

butterflytatts

Posts: 9
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline

If this slave doesn't feel comfortable talking with her Dom about this, and that is evident by having a friend post her concern for her, then she is in the wrong relationship. These relationships are built on trust, and communication. When these two break down, nothing but problems occur, as is happening in this house. My question is this; Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who has no concern for your concerns? It is your Master's job to look out for you, to protect you, and to guide you. I see none of this going on. Perhaps he wants a poly lifestyle, but has no idea how to run one. My advice, is to cut your losses, and find someone who is willing to work on your growth as well as His.

(in reply to TxBadMan)

Post #: 16

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/2/2006 8:32:48 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

it sounds like something i have had to deal with in the workplace.

if your friend goes to her Master, and gets her instructions from him, then she would not have to worry about messages coming through a liar.

i agree with the posts here saying that communication is important, but if the Dom asks that the subs to work it out themselves, they should try.

to me, "working it out" could include "you don't give me any instructions i don't verify through Master, until you can be trusted."

if your friend cannot go to her Master and say "OK, if You want me to do something, or if You want to know if i said or did anything, i would prefer the opportunity to speak to You, first," then she may not be in a place she wants to be. Poly or no, if a person is not secure in his or her own home and relationship, then there may be a deeper problem.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 17

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/3/2006 4:21:53 AM

kinkiminx

Posts: 73
Joined: 10/5/2005
From: Brighton, Sussex, UK
Status: offline

Either the Master needs to step in and do something, or back off, but either way, as LuckyAlbatross said, he does need to be consistent and fair in whatever he does. On one hand, you don't expect to end up with slaves acting this way but then on the other hand I doubt no one who's done it has ever suggested having two subs is going to be easy! Considering it is a D/s relationship, if they genuinely want to hold to that, he ought to do something about it...

In a way I agree with LadyMorgynn when she says any slave acting that way would be gone, -what happened to trust and honesty? But its all about personal desicion, and it sounds like we aren't just talking about a casual relationship here, and this Master obviously wants both of his slaves and wants things to work out between them.

Considering we are talking about two grown women here, why are they acting like children?!

Of course a Dom is supposed to be in control of his slaves, but the fact that they are slaves areunder control doesn't mean they need to lose all ability to be responsible and sort things out between them, and leads me to think there must be a problem there somewhere. Has the friend you're posting for or her sister slave joined the relationship recently or have they all been together for a while? Is she bored, has some sort of problem with your friend, or perhaps isn't really poly and is unhappy about the situation.

If its none of the above, or even if it is, what are they all up to?! One of the most important things in a D/s relationship is communication, even more so than in any other relationship and clearly neither your friend or her sister slave are happy with the situation, one "acting out" and the other being treated badly, considering they are all in a relationship shouldn't they talk it through and find out where the problem is?

Though he's only human and no one gets in right every time, if she won't talk it through its the Dom's responsibility to do the best thing for his subs, and the subs' to be honest about what they really feel. Hopefully it doesn't come to it here, but in some situations sometimes someone may have to vote with their feet.

Good luck trying to sort things out.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/3/2006 8:42:09 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

If it were me,I would be secreting a hidden camera in areas neither girl knew about-then watching the resulting footage.

The troublemaker would be out the door.

(in reply to lostsoul92468)

Post #: 19

RE: how do you deal with a jealous and bitchy sister sl... - 7/3/2006 8:16:47 PM

Fawne

Posts: 462
Status: offline

paranoia

can destroy ya

who sang that?

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 20

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