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RE: Common Courtesy - 6/30/2006 2:34:19 PM

purelea2003

Posts: 78
Joined: 12/12/2005
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Respect and courtesy are much the same to my mind and I try to distribute it equally to everyone I encounter. I think common courtesy is an excellent indicator of self control. Usually, I become quieter and more polite as I become angry with someone. I tighten my control on myself. My kids knew to knock it off when I quit yelling and got quiet - lol. I encounter a lot of courtesy - maybe it's just in my own world - most people I meet are polite to me. Some of the greatest discourtesy I've suffered has been right here on this site with unsolicited, insulting emails.

(in reply to zumala)

Post #: 21

RE: Common Courtesy - 6/30/2006 2:38:48 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArtimisBlack

What do you consider common courtesy? What do you consider a breach of it? In what ways is respect different from common courtesy?

I’ll start:
It’s common courtesy for someone to call if they are going to be late or not be able to come at all. If you just don’t show up no phone calls or anything, that’s a breach of common courtesy.

Respect is a little tricky. When I respect someone for them self or something they can do, it usually means I am willing to defer to them in that thing and trust their judgment. I have more faith in them then I do Joe-on-the-street. They have earned my respect by showing themselves worthy of it by being an exceptional person or being able to do exceptional things. In addition to showing them common courtesy I give them that deference and extra trust- that’s how I show my regard. Of course, everything does even out. Also taken into the measure of how much respect I show them is how much respect they show me and others. A rude person who can do amazing things will get my common courtesy, my deference in the subject of their expertise, but nothing more. I will have no faith in them elsewhere, because they haven’t shown themselves worthy of it.

I feel that being respectful is or should be common courtesy.
Not calling or not showing up is rude.
Rude people dont get My common courtesy or My respect.
I would say thats one of those big faults I have...no tolerence for rudeness.

Like in the grocery store...2 women chatting take up the aisle...I
say excuse Me can I get by....They both look at Me and keep on talking....
Now Mistress Sassy is pushing Her cart into theirs saying...Oh I'm sorry I didnt
see you standing there...

Needless to say I dont shop much.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)

Post #: 22

RE: Common Courtesy - 6/30/2006 10:15:04 PM

Tamerofwild1s

Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
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ok I said this basic same thing in the other thead too .... does it not show your own class and discipline if you meet someone who titles themselves with a Dom/me title and your speaking to them to answer with a simple yes Ma'am or yes Sir . speaking lifestyle only here .. does it not show a reflection on you to give them the common courtesy of showing them respect with a proper addressing? Now in retrospect if that same Dom/me turned around and called you a petty slut or what ever then they have immediately lost the respect postion. I know myself I hold a much higher level of respect for a sub or slave who talks with me and gives me a simple yes Sir ... and I am far more inclined to treat her with a ton of respect right back for in my eyes she has exhibited great respect for herself

my general rule of thumb is give everyone there just due ... till they lose that right to have it .... a slave who serves me will address others with Sir or Ma'am till they have lost the right to have such respect given to them . it reflects on me personally if she does .. but again this is just my honest opinion

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 23

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 1:55:28 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
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To me, respect is what you feel, you show it by being courteous.

Respect isn't just for the person to whom you're being polite. Self-respect means acting politely and courteously towards others, and maintaining certain standards.

Of course, if people irritate me I unleash my inner bitch, whose self-respect depends on the body count. Not pretty, but effective.

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)

Post #: 24

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 3:02:30 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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Zeno

I wanted to say sorrry for my post i see it may had been to much i do write what i feel but my post was not meant to hurt you it was just to find out what you were feeling yo writing was o different then i knew of, i am saying sorry if i hurt you in anyway. I am one who will say this in am open way to you so other can see if i am wrong i will hold to my truth and say it. I hope we can talk as dominant person on day please if you feel like it write back ,

best wishes
mons

mons

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 25

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 6:29:51 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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Courtesy... a manner of being considerate and appreciatative towards others in our interactions.

Respect ... a manner of acknowledging and recognizing the qualities and character of another.

_____________________________

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)

Post #: 26

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 6:50:14 AM

MistressRage

Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Upstate New York
Status: offline

It's funny how people forget common courtesy and manners when they enter the bdsm realm. I have often talked about how good manners should apply whether or not you are in bdsm mode.

I don't care what role a person is in bdsm, it is very impolite to not show up without a call. Or to arrive late without a call. I could go into a whole day long sermon of internet manners-most people these days, bdsm and vanilla, seemingly have none. If they did, they wouldn't IM us with their penis picture as the only photo they have online LOL.

The realm of professional domination sessions is where I have the most problems. I'm not sure why some of these guys lose brain cells when trying to contact a ProDomina but I have had everything from repeat no-shows to assholes who call at 3 am trying to book a session.

In a nutshell, I think that good manners should be an "across the board" deal regardless of your involvement with bdsm and fetish. But ESPECIALLY if you are calling yourself a submissive. Also, being a Dominant does not give license to be an asshole. Dominant is one thing- jerk is quite another. Maybe bdsm starter books should come with a chapter of how not to be a jackass.

_____________________________

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~outRAGEous~

I don't always return to a thread. It's usually best to message your replies directly to me.

(in reply to ArtimisBlack)

Post #: 27

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 9:25:33 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

ok I said this basic same thing in the other thead too .... does it not show your own class and discipline if you meet someone who titles themselves with a Dom/me title and your speaking to them to answer with a simple yes Ma'am or yes Sir . speaking lifestyle only here .. does it not show a reflection on you to give them the common courtesy of showing them respect with a proper addressing?

The difficulty I have with your premis, Raven, is a simple one. It requires me as a bottom/submissive to view ANYONE who calls themselves dominant as someone automatically granted Authority and Rank and Privilage. It requires me, as a bottom or submissive, to view that Rank as somehow Better than myself - something other than my Peer, even if I'm not in a relationship with that person.

It's easy to call yourself anything. Calling yourself something doesn't make you that something, nor does it confer a relationship with the person you're dealing with at that moment. I could call myself the Queen of Sheba and expect everyone to call me "Your Majesty." Even if they do call me that, it doesn't make me a queen or confer the rank and Authority associated, or make them my adoring subjects. People would expect me to Prove that I was a queen, that I had a right to the title, rank, privilage, and authority, before they conveyed such. If they didn't, I for one would certainly consider them naieve and gullible - and would consequently probably be inclined towards walking all over them, treating them as lesser beings, and take full advantage of the privilages gained until someone who Wasn't gullible put their foot down and put a stop to it.

You would judge people like myself as having 'less" class or self discipline, for not giving anyone and everyone who styles themselves "Dominant" a title. I, on the other hand, judge those who expect a title - and by extention the rank and authority that go with that title - from everyone around them, known or not, as having not only 'less class' but 'an overinflated sense of self importance.' It takes a lot more discipline to only confer titles where they are earned than it does to throw a hissy fit and get one's ego wounded because ... OMG.... she didn't call him SIR like a good little subbie even though he identified himself as a DOMINANT. Where is the self discipline in a 'dominant' person who can't even control their own miffed reaction at not being automatically treated as somehow "better" or "special"? After all, you dominant types are the ones who are supposed to have significant levels of discipline over yourselves Before trying to discipline someone else...

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)

Post #: 28

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 10:34:44 AM

Tamerofwild1s

Posts: 1765
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline

Rhi

we have chatted many times .. you picked apart that post instead of taking it in whole .... I clearly meant that as an initial reaction till proven otherwise doesn't it reflect on you and your submission if you do in fact give the respect ... kind of like assuming everyone is good until they prove themselves bad .. does that make more sense ? when I meet another Master I give them there proper respect as a Master myself I tend not to call them Master XYZ . but when refering to them in conversations I will say well Master XYZ here is a good person in my book ... and until he proves otherwise should be given some common respect within the lifestyle .. maybe I'm just not expressing my ideas well enough for others to comprehend my meaning ..

< Message edited by Tamerofwild1s -- 7/1/2006 10:35:32 AM >

_____________________________

A building get torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that it is true about everything - family, friends, feelings - but now I know that sometimes if love proves real, and two people are meant to be together, nothing can keep them apart ~

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)

Post #: 29

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 10:55:41 AM

RighteousBabe

Posts: 26
Joined: 6/25/2006
Status: offline

I am enjoying what you all have to say on this topic...there are some very well thought out and articulate responses.

To add my thoughts, its hard for me to show true and geniune respect to a person I do not particularly like. Now, it is my belief that every living being deserves to be treated with courtesy and I have no problem being courteous and civil to those even if they rub me the wrong way....(just ask my mother-in-law!)

Respect is something that grows when you get to know a person a little better and find something in them that stand out and speaks to your intuition in that this is an essentially good person and you appreciate and honor them on some level.

Now in the BDSM realm, I personally don't feel the need to get very caught up in titles especially when I am first meeting someone. I expect the common courtesies but do not require my submissives to address me as their Mistress before I even know them very well.

Anyway, great topic!

RB

(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)

Post #: 30

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 11:09:11 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

To me it is common courtesy to call someone by the name they prefer to go by. If that means I call someone Mistress So-n-So, then I do that. If someone wants to be called Lord High SOB, then I'll do that. It's their prefered name.

Now, the feeling behind calling someone I have just met "Sir So-n-So" and someone I know well is going to be very different. The deeply held respect or contempt I feel for that *person* can be reflected in my voice while still using the courtesy of their preferred name.

(in reply to RighteousBabe)

Post #: 31

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 11:17:10 AM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

ok I said this basic same thing in the other thead too .... does it not show your own class and discipline if you meet someone who titles themselves with a Dom/me title and your speaking to them to answer with a simple yes Ma'am or yes Sir . speaking lifestyle only here .. does it not show a reflection on you to give them the common courtesy of showing them respect with a proper addressing?

I'm totally with rhi on this one. Except in a relationship, no one is a sub or dom to another. The only respect that is due is the respect a person wishes to give in any situation. 'Sir' is a title of respect, and I would never allow a sub of mine to use that out of courtesy to a pompous wannabee. If she/we decide another is worthy, ok... but until then, demand all the respect you want, but don't expect it from this quarter.

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)

Post #: 32

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 11:25:13 AM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

I do think that common courtesy shows an empathic quality, that I find to be very appealing.

I simply cannot fathom a person who shows disrespect to people they don't know in the slightest. I am drawn to those who show the elegance and social grace to use polite forms of address and awknowledgment.

Those who refuse to, I can only see as insecure and childish. I wonder why they are either so ignorant, or terribly socially damaged, as to not realize this is in thier best self interests.

But it does have the effect of relegating them to immediate nuisance level in my mind-and once you have provoked that response-it will be terribly difficult to overcome it.

< Message edited by Caretakr -- 7/1/2006 11:26:31 AM >

(in reply to Brosco)

Post #: 33

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 11:28:18 AM

RighteousBabe

Posts: 26
Joined: 6/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Now, the feeling behind calling someone I have just met "Sir So-n-So" and someone I know well is going to be very different

Good point sublizzie. Regardless of how we respond to another, whether out of respect or courtesy, we will always be aware within ourselves of the feeling of reverence (or lack thereof) and sense of authenticity we harbor toward the other person.

(in reply to Brosco)

Post #: 34

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 11:33:51 AM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

{Fast Reply}

I just don't believe everyone is as courteous and/or respectful as often as they claim to be.
People get stressed out, people get irritated when it's hot and it's humid, mood swings from alcohol, drugs and medicines. PMS! Because they haven't had sex or an orgasm in a while, illness, lack of sleep, because 7am there are people outside jackhammering the street up, almost getting into an accident because of a idiot driver, etc., etc.
It all depends where a person's mind is at the moment, whether they will react with or show common courtesy.

Yeah, if I drop something and someone bends down and picks it up, or someone opens a door for me, I respond with a courteous "thank you" or if someone waits to allow me out into traffic I will give them a friendly wave. But in the same situations where my mind might be totally preoccupied with pressing/urgent matter I may not respond or acknowledge them or their actions at all or might even be irritated because of their interference with my thoughts, either which may be considered rude without the awareness of my internal state.

But, one thing I do know for sure is I don't allow whether I am shown common courtesy or not to be a really Big Fucking Deal!
I wouldn't find it necessary to start a thread over it and/or worse start a second thread about the same thing only a different subject line, whether it be to bitch or boast about it one way or the other.

Holy Moly, I hope people find some kind of closure with this issue soon, sheesh, talk about discussing a subject to death(well, one can hope).

In all due respect,

*Brightspot

< Message edited by brightspot -- 7/1/2006 11:41:26 AM >

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(in reply to Tamerofwild1s)

Post #: 35

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 11:34:13 AM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

There is a major difference between showing respect and showing disrespect. Until respect is earnt, any respect is totally false ... but common coutesy is reasonable. No one who claims to be a Dom is automatically entitled to be called Sir or Master.

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Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 36

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 1:08:52 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I do think that common courtesy shows an empathic quality, that I find to be very appealing.

I simply cannot fathom a person who shows disrespect to people they don't know in the slightest. I am drawn to those who show the elegance and social grace to use polite forms of address and awknowledgment.

Those who refuse to, I can only see as insecure and childish. I wonder why they are either so ignorant, or terribly socially damaged, as to not realize this is in thier best self interests.

But it does have the effect of relegating them to immediate nuisance level in my mind-and once you have provoked that response-it will be terribly difficult to overcome it.

I agree to a point. I think it is also worthwhile remembering and discovering where people evolved from.

Speaking to someone who has a university education can be completely different to communicating to someone who has not. Talking to a brit isn't the same as talking to an american and theres even differences between North and south. Maybe the empathy is in discovering why someone talks in a way, rather than the empathy being the quality that allows courtesy?

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 37

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 1:30:11 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

fast reply,

I am more likely to use the term "Sir" and "Ma'am" or "Mr" with someone in the supermarket than in the lifestyle. I guess because the connotation is I am being submissive to that person irks me in a lifestyle situation, whereas this form of address hold no sort of trappings in the vanilla world

I wonder if people from small towns are more used to courtesy than those in larger cities? I am from a very small town, and like my Dom says, "The toes you step on today maybe connected to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow".. In a small town that is even more true. If you are a rude person it cuts down opportunities on every level, whether they be economic or personal ones.

I tend to get irritated by rudeness now I live in a city... "me first" attitude is very disheartening when everyone usually gets what they want/need when we take a little time out to just be nice to each other.

On a side note though... Just because someone has good manners does not make them a kind person, it just means they have manners... nothing more

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

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(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 38

RE: Common Courtesy - 7/1/2006 2:44:42 PM

zenofeller

Posts: 463
Joined: 6/10/2006
Status: offline

some Ali G would go great in this thread. RESPEK.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 39

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