Inexperienced but eager

Inexperienced but eager (Full Version)

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VirginSub830 -> Inexperienced but eager (8/30/2013 2:36:24 PM)
Hi I'm very new to the lifestyle of bdsm. But not only am I new to being a submissive but I am also new to sex in general. I am 18 yrs old and I'm a virgin. So I am very inexperienced but I want and am very eager to learn about this life. I am looking for anyone that can help me learn and be the best sub possible

littlewonder -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/30/2013 2:38:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VirginSub830 Hi I'm very new to the lifestyle of bdsm. But not only am I new to being a submissive but I am also new to sex in general. I am 18 yrs old and I'm a virgin. So I am very inexperienced but I want and am very eager to learn about this life. I am looking for anyone that can help me learn and be the best sub possible You're 18. Forget about the bdsm. Just go out and get laid and have fun. At your age you should be out there just doing what most kids your age do...go out, get laid, get drunk, going to college, finding a job, etc..... By doing all of that, you will get life experience and then you can go from there and you won't have as many questions either.

OsideGirl -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/30/2013 2:39:24 PM)
There's a good reading list at the top of this forum. I would also recommend attending events and lectures in your local community. Possibly even finding yourself a female submissive mentor from your local community.

VirginSub830 -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/30/2013 2:53:35 PM)
Maybe I said that wrong I'm not a virgin because I can't get a "vanilla" date but because the thought of having vanilla relationships is not appealing to me. And I do hang out and party and work and go to school I out am trying to explore something that excites me and that just happens to be this lifestyle. I hope that made it clearer.

splatterpunk -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/30/2013 2:55:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: VirginSub830 Hi I'm very new to the lifestyle of bdsm. But not only am I new to being a submissive but I am also new to sex in general. I am 18 yrs old and I'm a virgin. So I am very inexperienced but I want and am very eager to learn about this life. I am looking for anyone that can help me learn and be the best sub possible You're 18. Forget about the bdsm. Just go out and get laid and have fun. At your age you should be out there just doing what most kids your age do...go out, get laid, get drunk, going to college, finding a job, etc..... By doing all of that, you will get life experience and then you can go from there and you won't have as many questions either. yeah basically this. and for the love of god, abolish notions of "the lifestyle" and "the scene" from your mind.

Sheela22 -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/30/2013 2:56:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: VirginSub830 Hi I'm very new to the lifestyle of bdsm. But not only am I new to being a submissive but I am also new to sex in general. I am 18 yrs old and I'm a virgin. So I am very inexperienced but I want and am very eager to learn about this life. I am looking for anyone that can help me learn and be the best sub possible You're 18. Forget about the bdsm. Just go out and get laid and have fun. At your age you should be out there just doing what most kids your age do...go out, get laid, get drunk, going to college, finding a job, etc..... By doing all of that, you will get life experience and then you can go from there and you won't have as many questions either. [sm=agree.gif][sm=agree.gif][sm=agree.gif][sm=agree.gif]

littlewonder -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/30/2013 3:00:50 PM)
quit thinking in "vanilla" and "bdsm" and "lifestyle" ways. Just find a guy who turns you on, who you find hot and fuck him. No one said it has to be a relationship or anything else more than just a fuck unless you're one of these girls who thinks your first time has to be special. If that's the case then you will just have to wait it out until you find a guy who fits the bill. That's no different than any other person on the planet be it bdsm or vanilla.

TNDommeK -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/30/2013 3:00:54 PM)
Try the reading list. Seriously, and have fun.

kiwisub12 -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/30/2013 6:45:38 PM)
Why shouldn't she find a bdsm type relationship if that is what turns her on. Just because she's 18 doesn't mean that she doesn't know what turns her on. HOWEVER, be smart about it. Meet real people, ask questions, read a lot. Basically do whatever other 18 year olds do when dating but smarter. [:)]. And I add that because I wasn't very smart at 18. Just be aware that at 18 you probably aren't going to find the man you want to settle down with for the rest of your life, don't take it too seriously, and don't screw up the rest of your life by sluffing off the important stuff ie. school, family, friends. Read up the signs of an abusive relationship and avoid people that show those traits. To the inexperienced, the beginnings of an abusive relationship can seem to be an ideal bdsm relationship - eg dominant male, controlling your behavior. Good luck and I wish that I knew at 18 that I was submissive.

ResidentSadist -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/30/2013 7:04:53 PM)
What great attitude you have. I hope your entry into the world of BDSM is as fulfilling as mine was at your age. My sincere advice is that you already have it licked. Your attitude, self awareness and willingness to learn is all you'll ever need to get through most anything. Don't let your experiences good or bad jade you and don't let curmudgeons sway you from eagerly forging ahead. Best wishes, the world is an adventure waiting for you to happen.

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/31/2013 3:52:35 PM)
~FR~ quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder You're 18. Forget about the bdsm. Just go out and get laid and have fun. At your age you should be out there just doing what most kids your age do...go out, get laid, get drunk, going to college, finding a job, etc..... By doing all of that, you will get life experience and then you can go from there and you won't have as many questions either. I couldn't disagree with this more. When I was 18, hell when I was a lot younger than that, I had no doubt that BDSM was what I was interested in, although I had no idea what it was called or that other people liked it. If I had had the resources 40 years ago that the OP has now, I would probably never wasted my time in vanilla relationships. My advice to the OP is to find your local BDSM community, take your time, learn what it's all about and what it really means to you and NEVER, ever buy into anybody's bullshit about "REAL BDSM", or let anybody rush you into anything you don't want or don't feel like you're ready for.

littlewonder -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/31/2013 4:08:48 PM)
I just don't see the differences between bdsm and vanilla relationships that so many others seem to see. So imo, she should just go out and experiment, enjoy her life and just not worry so much. She's just way too young to be worrying about such stuff. At 18 you're still trying to figure out who the hell you are.

crazyml -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/31/2013 6:42:17 PM)
Hello OP! So you've had some conflicting advice, from some awesome posters. Littlewonder's advice is superb... first, (and I'm not doubting your maturity or your attitude - both of which seem tickety boo) lw is making two points, the point that, relatively, you're inexperienced and the point that pretty much all of the tips you'd give to a vanilla person about finding a relationship also apply to kinky relationships. RS also makes a fucking excellent point... if you know you want ds then go for it! Now, I will say that it is a load less risky for a tough gnarly (I've no doubt rs has looked like his avatar since birth) 18 year old sadist to dive into kink than an 18 year old sub fem. That shouldn't stop you though. The two sets of advice aren't that incompatible. Yep, I think you should go for kink... but keep a level head. Your age means you'll be really popular with lots and lots of dudes..you will probably be deluged with attention. Don't let it go to your head, or turn you off... the right partner is out there. I would definitely say you should look at the reading list. Do a search for "sub frenzy" on here (I'm not saying I think you have sub frenzy but you should know the symptoms!) Bear in mind that kink can place you in sketchy and sometime fucking dangerous situations - and as a woman you do need to be careful. A simple rule is that if either your head or your heart ever say "danger" you should listen. The key is for you to decide up front what kind of relationship you want and go for it. Of course your idea of an ideal relationship will evolve, and sure you'll have to make compromises. But the key is... whatever your role in the relationship (sub or dom) you have an equal right to fulfillment. Don't sacrifice your happiness, fulfillment or personal growth for anyone - ever. Good luck and enjoy your adventure!

graceadieu -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/31/2013 7:16:52 PM)
Don't rush anything. Find a local munch, meet people, see how real D/s relationships work (a lot of what you see online or in erotica is bullshit). Read some books. Think about what appeals to you, what you're curious about, what you don't want to do. Don't commit to anyone right away. When you find someone you want to be with, start out by treating it just like vanilla dating. Go out to dinner, go to the movies, get to know each other. If the relationship is going to work, you have to compatible in more than just your kinks. And like I said, don't rush into anything. Don't submit to someone right away, and don't do things you aren't comfortable with. If you want to take your time before having sex, just be straight with the guy (or girl) about it. Have fun!

graceadieu -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/31/2013 7:30:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HarryVanWinkle ~FR~ quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder You're 18. Forget about the bdsm. Just go out and get laid and have fun. At your age you should be out there just doing what most kids your age do...go out, get laid, get drunk, going to college, finding a job, etc..... By doing all of that, you will get life experience and then you can go from there and you won't have as many questions either. I couldn't disagree with this more. When I was 18, hell when I was a lot younger than that, I had no doubt that BDSM was what I was interested in, although I had no idea what it was called or that other people liked it. If I had had the resources 40 years ago that the OP has now, I would probably never wasted my time in vanilla relationships. My advice to the OP is to find your local BDSM community, take your time, learn what it's all about and what it really means to you and NEVER, ever buy into anybody's bullshit about "REAL BDSM", or let anybody rush you into anything you don't want or don't feel like you're ready for. Totally agree. I've known that I wanted "this", for some value of "this", since I hit puberty (possibly earlier). It just took me until my mid-twenties to understand that I could do the things I fantasized about in real life in a healthy, loving way with a healthy, normal person. If she's figured it out already and is taking constructive steps towards it, all power to her.

TNDommeK -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/31/2013 7:49:43 PM)
I do agree with going to munches and play parties.

sexyred1 -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (8/31/2013 11:28:00 PM)
Honestly? I fell madly in love for the first time at 19 and I already knew I was into this stuff, without having a lot of experience. My love was 24 and I suggested we try D/s and it was fantastic. I experienced sex, BDSM, and first time mad love all at once. Ah.....memories. So it can be done, OP.

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Inexperienced but eager (9/2/2013 3:19:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I just don't see the differences between bdsm and vanilla relationships that so many others seem to see. So imo, she should just go out and experiment, enjoy her life and just not worry so much. She's just way too young to be worrying about such stuff. At 18 you're still trying to figure out who the hell you are. The only difference between BDSM and vanilla relationships is the presence of BDSM. If the OP already knows, as I would have had I had the resources she has when I was her age, that she does not want a relationship without BDSM present, then there's no point in her engaging in relationships without it.

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