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TigressLily -> RE: is it for real? (8/30/2013 5:36:42 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kikim "could this be for real?"
My, my, where to begin. Bravo on your first post; I'm a newcomer myself (not knowing how to do multiple quotes properly yet). MissKittyDeVine is so right--just another attached shlep looking to have his cake and eat it, too. There are all kinds of reasons why someone stays in an unhappy or unfulfilling marriage/relationship, not the least of which is socio-economic. (If there are children involved, then even more reason not to upset the apple cart.) From what you've described, this man isn't even married to his vanilla Significant Other he's "stuck" with and has only been with her for over a year. He's stringing you along, and you might not be the only iron he has in the fire either.
Honey, you sound like a young lady with your whole adult life ahead of you, so let me give you an important piece of advice. Face it, the general rule (albeit disputable) in long-term relationships is that women are ready to enter into them when they feel they have found the right man, but men enter into serious committed relationships based purely on timing. You could be his ideal woman but if he's not at the right place in his life, it won't happen. Think of the men you've known (or even celebrities you've only heard of) who have been engaged for years to one woman, but then turn around and suddenly get married, settle down, and have a child with a stranger out of nowhere (although not always in that sequence). It was his time to start a family.
Maybe it's this guy's time to either get his feet wet with his sissified cuckolding fantasies, or to find somebody to gratify those desires. That someone could be any sympathetic female. It just happens to be you right now that he's latched onto. What you're experiencing is so NOT REAL on so many levels. You are both located in different countries, so your never-fully-consummated fling became a remote phone-type affair of sorts where you are both feeding off of each other's fantasies or feelings of infatuation. Believe me, you are more emotionally invested in this pseudo-relationship than he is, no matter how desperate he sounds. You will discover in time there is no shortage of desperate submissives out there; they are a dime a dozen. (Not that there aren't Dominants who don't get desperate, but the D/s ratio is awfully disproportionate as it is.) Learn how to weed out the unworthy ones, like this guy seems to be. You are a relative newcomer into your Dominant Femaleness and are feeling a rush of power, but you cannot attribute this state of empowerment to any man, regardless of who he is. Your empowerment belongs to you and to you alone--it comes from within.
Take OsideGirl's sound advice. You are letting this man manipulate you and Top you from the bottom. He is not honoring your basic wishes; he is the one who is setting the conditions; and he continues to defy your clear-cut and reasonable instructions (choose between her & you)--what makes you think he would make a good sub? Your deserve much, much better, my dear.
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