|
AAkasha -> RE: Take me under your wing? (8/31/2013 11:50:54 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: PtldPrincess
A year ago I got out of a really boring 6 year relationship. He was Catholic and everytime I wanted to try something new and exciting, a little kinky, he would freak out on me. He told me I needed therapy when I wanted him to choke me. Since then, I've been sub with the few people I've been with since (I'm actually pretty new to sex. My 6 year relationship was my first.)
The guy Im seeing now is VERY dominant outside of the bedroom, which attracted me to him at first.. then I quickly discovered that he is a sub. We've done some things (which I loved. I love the feeling of having power for a change) But I dont really know how to do certain things. We've done a LOT of talking and hopefully soon we'll act out more of these fantasies.. He's into ass play, strap ons, humiliation, blackmail, being tied up, being over powered, me sitting on his face.. stuff like that. Ive only done a little ass play with him and not sure how to do the rest. Im comfortable and WANT to, I just dont know how t go about it. Especially the humiliation part. I really have no idea.
There's a link in my sig to a free set of articles called "the good girls guide to domination." You might find that useful.
Really, it's about what you ENJOY - what most sub men want, most of all, is a woman who gets off on and enjoys seeing him in his vulnerable state. More than just the acts. Sure, the acts are hot, but they want you to really get off on it, not just be going through the motions.
Strapons, bondage, ass play - those are all acts that you can master once you get the physical side of it mastered.
Humiliation is trickier. I could write a novel on that. First, do YOU get off on humiliating him? Second, what DOES humiliate him? And third, does SEEING him humiliated do anything for you? And if not, and if it turns you OFF (and for some women, yes, it does), then you need to have a serious talk with him and make him change how he reacts to humiliation.
Some women don't want to see their man as a 'groveling pathetic worm.'
Yet, a little bruised ego, a stifled whimper, a light blushing, a squirm, a man trying to maintain his composure when faced with an act he finds shameful - that's incredibly erotic. Both are a man facing a humiliating act, or being humiliated. Which is he talking about? There is a full spectrum.
And what are his expectations when you are "humiliating him"? And how do you perceive yourself when you are "doing the humiliation"? There are so many variables. Is it verbal? Are there acts? Do the acts impact your perception of yourself, or of him?
Once you investigate, you need to spend some time thinking of it. Then you need to think about:
1. How do you feel about the acts?
2. How do you feel about the way you will carry them out and the style and manner that you will do this?
3. How do you feel about the way he will respond to the acts? Will he endure bravely, will he grovel pathetically, or somewhere in between? What turns you on MOST in that spectrum, and how will you be assured he does so, so that you are enjoying his behavior -- is he able to respond accordingly?
Some women have a tough time with humiliation because they simply are not attracted to a man that behaves in a way they cannot respect. Some submissive men have a need to be totally degraded. There needs to be some compromise.
I find that humiliation is an interesting spectrum. It's a little hard to explain, but it's like foreplay in a way; I don't enjoy "hardcore humiliation" at the drop of a hat during interaction. I work up to it. I like a "slow burn." It's like pain play as well. You don't start off with the most intense thud. You start with subtle humiliation and perhaps by the end, what would have been considered "uncomfortable to witness" levels of pathetic behavior is actually quite arousing.
Akasha
|
|
|
|
