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Emotions - 8/31/2013 8:45:52 PM

crwlon4

Posts: 47
Joined: 1/27/2008
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I am always interested in peoples motivations in BDSM, and here is a question I find interesting as well. How much emotion do you try to evoke while you are playing? Is there some things that are out of bounds? I have always felt that the emotional roller coaster during play is incredible. What about anger? Is this an emotion you would test or enjoy seeing a sub deal with?

Appreciate any answers, just looking for some chat. Thanks!

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RE: Emotions - 9/1/2013 10:52:32 AM

JeffBC

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From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crwlon4
I am always interested in peoples motivations in BDSM, and here is a question I find interesting as well. How much emotion do you try to evoke while you are playing? Is there some things that are out of bounds? I have always felt that the emotional roller coaster during play is incredible. What about anger? Is this an emotion you would test or enjoy seeing a sub deal with?

Carol and I don't "play" in the sense that you mean it. Things like "anger" have no real place in our reality. Have I made her angry with some commands? Yes, but I regret those situations as necessary evils. The very last thing in the world I want is an "emotional roller coaster". I'm building more towards "happily ever after."

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RE: Emotions - 9/1/2013 11:04:12 AM

freedomdwarf1

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I tend to agree with Jeff.
Anger is something I don't like to see in any situation be it BDSM or 'nilla.

To be honest, I don't see anger as a good thing in a BDSM environment at all.

As for other emotions, I don't function much at all without some sort of emotion attached to it.
I never do things "just because".

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RE: Emotions - 9/1/2013 11:36:17 AM

LadyPact

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My standard answer. I do this for fun.

Not every engagement in BDSM has to be some deep, extraordinary "come to Jesus" moment. I don't always have to be playing on fear, emotional pain, or anger to be having a good time. To use the roller coaster example, sure, there are people getting in that car who are absolutely terrified, looking to try riding that ride to conquer that fear as a personal accomplishment.

There are other people in those cars, too. Some for the thrill. Some for the rush. Some who wanted to have a good time because they enjoy the wind in their hair while they raise their arms up and enjoy the physical experience of the twists and turns. Their fun on the ride isn't any less just because they aren't trying to obtain some personal goal and it doesn't have to be more meaningful because their emotions about the experience aren't trying to reach a platitude of being deeper or darker in some way. Whether one person is just having a good time while another is conquering their demons, like it or not, it's still the same ride and the only difference is personal perception. The attendant loading folks into their seats doesn't prioritize people into those cars before you race along the track according to how people want to attach various meanings to it.

Just like the roller coaster, of course there are things that are out of bounds. Personally, I don't do anger when I play. Not from Myself and not from the person that I'm dealing with unless we have made an arrangement beforehand. For the most part, at least 95% of the time, I'm not doing this stuff for somebody's pseudo therapy and I'm not qualified to screw around with things like that. If a person that I'm not connected with is going to get pissed off because I'm beating them, they most likely need to find another top. One who wants to accept the additional concerns about their own safety because the bottom is volatile and may react in an unfavorable or dangerous way. I most certainly wouldn't accept that situation from a meet and beat encounter and there is a high probability that I'm not doing it during casual play. As the old joke goes, the ropes will be untied sooner or later and I'm not willing to deal with somebody who has the potential to lash out when the scene is over.

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RE: Emotions - 9/1/2013 2:22:03 PM

TNDommeK

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Come to Jesus moment. Lol

I agree, it's BDSM, have fun.
Anger should never be a part of it.

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RE: Emotions - 9/1/2013 3:00:40 PM

evesgrden

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I like playing with anticipation and apprehension; physiologically they're similar arousal states but psychologically the whole "approach/avoidance" element appeals to me very much. I like playing into both at once as well as riding from one to the other.

Just typing this puts a grin on my face.

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RE: Emotions - 9/2/2013 3:59:28 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crwlon4

I am always interested in peoples motivations in BDSM, and here is a question I find interesting as well. How much emotion do you try to evoke while you are playing? Is there some things that are out of bounds? I have always felt that the emotional roller coaster during play is incredible. What about anger? Is this an emotion you would test or enjoy seeing a sub deal with?

Appreciate any answers, just looking for some chat. Thanks!

The only things that off the top of my head I can say I really don't want to ever evoke are: some sort of permanent emotional trauma or something that has them laughing at or seeing me as ridiculous in a way that I, too, don't feel like laughing at.

Anger, sadness, embarrassment, happiness, whatever else I think I'm pretty good with.

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RE: Emotions - 9/2/2013 4:25:26 PM

RumpusParable

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Dammit, I had this long bit written out addressing the rest about how much emotion and the comment about the roller coaster aspect.

Short remake:

I've had bottoms screaming in pain, anger and sadness.

I've been those places myself as a bottom.

But most of the time? My play falls way, way, way more often on the relaxed/relaxing side of things emotionally.

And most of the time, honestly, with the great, great, great majority of my types of topping play I don't care at all what emotions my bottom is having other than still being okay with the scene.

As top or bottom I'm not normally looking for any kind of roller coaster in my play. I'm looking to have a fun time with someone I like or to work on a skill or idea of mine.

My last scene, for example, if I'm recalling timing correctly, involved running across a field and tackling a friend from behind and us somehow falling backwards instead of forwards and thumping her head and my wrist against one of those light-up palm tree party decoration things. Emotional value: "wtf?" "Ow, my head!" "Ow, my wrist!" "Haha, that didn't work, let's go get lunch"

The whole goal had been the "wtf?" moment and then getting up for lunch... Had she fallen forward like she was supposed to the head and wrist parts wouldn't have been included (note: her head hurt but was basically okay... My wrist was fucked for a bit more than a week)

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