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Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 3:43:23 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		We were in the middle of intense play. Nothing out of the ordinary as far as the S&M type of stuff that we do....choking, hair pulling, belts/crop on my back, thighs, butt... I made a mistake...did something I have been warned not to do but was not thinking and let it slip out (said something I was told not to ) and he slapped me across the face, hard. For some reason...I lost it. Not screaming, angry..I started crying and kind of withdrew. Now, I have had my face slapped before and usually I don't care... I don't know if it was because it was a punishment type of thing...basically telling me " bad" or if it was too hard and jolted me...

Have you ever done something, with the same partner not a new person, that you have accepted/liked before and had an adverse reaction? Freaked over something that only one or two days ago, you never thought twice about? I wondered if it was a sign of me losing trust in him. We broke up for a short-time and then talked and worked things out but I wonder if my subconscious is telling me something.
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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 3:59:20 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Hmm, I'm leaning toward the 'real' slap being the main factor.
I think the unexpected jolt and punishment/ having someone you want to be good for being unhappy with you can trigger some feelings that can make you defensive/emotionally hurt etc...

The first time I face slapped a certain girl while back, the emotions that came up were incredible in the sheer speed and intensity...
And no it wasn't hard, it was just unexpected and a shock for her, these days I have rules about spontaneous slapping.
Not because of the effect, but the motivation... Mine, and the fact it was something I thought needed controls...

Like designating a time or place to do it, sometime when I wasn't motivated directly by anykind of spontanious emotion.

Anyhoo, slapping can be like water off a ducks back... A turn on... but sometimes its not... Im no slapping scientist... Thats the best I can do.

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 9/3/2013 4:05:03 AM >

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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 4:06:21 AM   
bigchaza


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/2/2013
Status: offline 		just sounds like you were surprised/shocked, must have been the mood at the time or your feeling about the person at the time. ive always found that slaps are a bit of a wildcard and try to avoid them. I had a sub have a similar reaction to you when i had just discovered s/m so it always stuck in my head, one moment slapping was completely fine the next moment was running out of the bedroom panic attack 30 seconds later.

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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 7:06:04 AM   
allnewtome


Posts: 73
Joined: 9/23/2010
Status: offline 		Sounds like the meaning behind the slap, brought you back to earth with a crash. Then all the emotions were all over the place. I hate punishments. It seriously messes with my head. Call it a punishment and you could floor me with a feather. Sounds like something similar has happened with you. Made worse by being in the middle of an intense scene. The higher you are the harder you crash.


What ever you said. Don't say it again mid scene. Wait until you can cope with the outcome

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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 10:12:03 AM   
sloguy02246


Posts: 534
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The responsibility for this event must be laid at the feet of the Dom involved who, I firmly believe, should always be in control of both you and the situation.
Just my opinion: The middle of an intense play session is not the time for a Dom to dole out "instant" punishment without thinking.
Whatever you may have said could have been dealt with after the session ended.
A sub's safety and well-being (physical and emotional) should be the paramount concern for any Dom - during a play session or not.

I believe this was a mistake on his part.


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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 10:58:58 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

he slapped me across the face, hard. For some reason...I lost it. Not screaming, angry..I started crying and kind of withdrew.


I love face slapping but have had this reaction as well, I think when it was too hard or too many slaps too close together.

Years ago during a drunken boxing lesson, my friend landed a punch on my nose and I was hysterical for some time afterwards.

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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 11:09:35 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I don't allow face slapping.

It is a hard limit. I am in business and cannot afford to have my face damaged.

I think you need to pay attention to your gut on this one.

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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 11:13:08 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
I made a mistake...did something I have been warned not to do but was not thinking and let it slip out (said something I was told not to ) and he slapped me across the face, hard. For some reason...I lost it.


Was it done in anger?

Because for me, personally, that would be the point where it crossed from being something that was okay, into something that would upset me.


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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 11:22:30 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		It sounds to me like you and he just needed to take things a little slower at first. Breaking up is the biggest disruption in trust, and you need some time for your relationship to heal from that. On the positive side, you both wanted your relationship to be revived, a fact which I would think will be a strong foundation to build on.

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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 11:28:34 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Wait a minute....is it the guy from this thread?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4518988/mpage_1/tm.htm

The guy who told you that you were a horrible person?

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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 12:29:30 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline 		I'm pretty certain, given the circumstance, I may have the same reaction. Not caused by the slap itself, but from fear of failure. If the relationship ended, and were getting back together, I'd be a little more sensitive to that "failure".

But, since you added in that last line about your subconscious, I'm wondering if it does have more to do with second thoughts on a second chance. Actually, rereading the whole thing it sounds like you have your doubts.

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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 1:57:27 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I don't think it is your subconscious telling you that you have lost trust in him.

More than likely it was the combination of doing something wrong and the shock of it.

Face-slapping in a scene is one thing.
Face-slapping because you disobeyed is an entirely different thing.

I love being spanked and other forms of impact play.
Being punished is entirely different.

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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 2:39:27 PM   
petitespot


Posts: 288
Joined: 7/3/2006
From: Surfside Beach, SC
Status: offline 		You did something you were warned not to do?
And he immediately corrected you?
Seems pretty fair to me.
Basic discipline 101....follow through on maintaining the rules.

I really don't see him at fault at all.

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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 2:54:14 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		Hitting me for any other reason than because we find it sexy is a hard limit. I WILL consider it domestic violence. it would be a totallyu nacceptable and un reasonable responce in regards to me.

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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 4:12:28 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		The only time I have ever cried during play was when I felt it was a punishment. It wasn't fun, it wasn't sexy, it was just horrible.

and that wasn't what my dom was intending.

My reaction came from a bad headspace. Sounds like yours did too. Commiserations.

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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 4:31:53 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Wait a minute....is it the guy from this thread?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4518988/mpage_1/tm.htm

The guy who told you that you were a horrible person?


No, that was my ex. MN and I broke up for a short time (ok...like 36 hrs). We decided that we both wanted to slow down and came to an agreement..but, yeah, part of the agreement was that my ex is "a bad influence" and even though we agreed to see other people he is NOT one I can see..

Anyway...more than anyone prob wanted to know!! No, MN had come up for the weekend and this was not the first time we have been together since we broke up... Like I said..out of the blue...nothing out of the ordinary for us. We had spent the two days before and that day just watching TV and running errands and normal stuff.... Maybe that was it..we had been in normal couple mode & maybe I just was caught off guard. In his defense, as soon as I reacted he stopped, hugged me and went into "gentle BF' mode.

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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 5:42:14 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		That is the ideal reaction in my view. Good for him.
At least now both of you know your possible reaction to a disciplinary action in the midst of play.
<g> This is why slaps are on my hard non touchable limits

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Maybe that was it..we had been in normal couple mode & maybe I just was caught off guard. In his defense, as soon as I reacted he stopped, hugged me and went into "gentle BF' mode.



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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 5:48:15 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
My reaction came from a bad headspace. Sounds like yours did too. Commiserations.


Judging from your reply, it sounds like it was probably this. It happens, even after being together for as long as we have. Emotions are a funny thing, you can't always predict how and when they will rear up their heads.


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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 7:02:28 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Aaaaalllll the time.

It's usually due to a lot of stress that I'm under and my subconscious is trying to tell me something, that I need to let it out, that I need a good cry, that something is bothering me that I didn't realize until that moment.

Yeah, it has happened quite a few times with us, even recently after I was mugged and didn't realize how much it had bothered me until we were playing lightly, a little hair pulling, rough sex....nothing special...and I just burst out in tears. I think it took him a little by surprise like it usually does but he also knows that's a sign that something more is going on and we sit down and talk it through.

I would say it's pretty normal. I've heard of others having it happen to them as well.


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RE: Odd Reaction? - 9/3/2013 7:19:58 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Partly because face slapping is always intense.
Partly because he was doing it as punishment.

But a bigger part is that by breaking up with you and then deciding he could just resume the relationship, you're feeling highly insecure. And rightfully.

Once you folks broke it off, even if you changed your mind a day later, you now feel a lot more cynical about trusting the other person. You're expecting them to walk again at any time. And you didn't bother to sit down and discuss new boundaries for what is now a new relationship.

The fact that you used to be in a relationship is immaterial. This is a new relationship. And new relationships don't usually, and shouldn't, start as heavy d/s relationships with punishment dynamic. They start off light and slowly advance as the folks involved earn trust in each other. You assumed that because you used to trust him therefore you can again. But you can't trust that he won't break it off again so why should you trust him with the right to punish you? Or trust him the way you used to?

And this is why people don't usually recommend returning to an ex.

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