RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet

RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (Full Version)

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MistressDarkArt -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/3/2013 7:58:06 PM)
Rick, if it's any comfort I didn't know about Fet or CM until '08 or '09 (can't remember exactly when I joined). I don't participate in our local community or any of the state or national kink events. Yet, my boys will tell you: yup, she's definitely a domme. [8D] Have a cup of coffee with the woman. What can it hurt?

CougarRick -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/3/2013 8:35:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: splatterpunk i'm openly mocking you because this question is so daft as to make my jaw drop. Well, as long as your jaw is already open, why not get on your knees ....I have a task for you. Might as well put that open mouth to some use for a change.

CougarRick -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/3/2013 8:44:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TigressLily ALWAYS be suspicious of anyone you meet, the same as you would on a blind date. By the same token, never take anything at face value. Don't hesitate to ask a lot of questions, and be on the lookout for contradictory statements. Find out how she came about being a Domme, her previous experience with subs, what floats her boat. Volunteer some of your own personal biographical info and watch her reaction. Best of luck. I will take your advice. Now I don't want to get ahead of myself of course; her flirting may just be playful in nature and she may not actually mean anything by it. Either way, I will casually chat with her and see what she says, while watching for red flags. Thank you for your response. Regards

CougarRick -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/3/2013 8:49:36 PM)
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CougarRick -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/3/2013 8:50:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt Have a cup of coffee with the woman. What can it hurt? I'll see what happens. I have seen her at work from time to time.

MissToYouRedux -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/3/2013 9:00:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick I'll see what happens... That's the attitude. [:)] Goodness knows that just being on here or Fet doesn't mean someone has actual bdsm experience either. [:D]

CougarRick -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/3/2013 9:09:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissToYouRedux That's the attitude. [:)] Goodness knows that just being on here or Fet doesn't mean someone has actual bdsm experience either. [:D] OK, cool. Still getting to know the lifestyle and community.

lizi -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/4/2013 5:30:10 AM)
Might I suggest that something else about this person besides the gap in her knowledge about online sites might be making you think twice...? I do find it a bit odd that she hasn't heard of Fet or CM; I think though perhaps that might be simply the part that came to your mind, while other things are perhaps making you pause. As it is, I'd be cautious. Certainly taking things a bit further couldn't hurt, but I've learned that if anything at all makes me hesitate, I examine everything else a bit closer as well.

CougarRick -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/4/2013 7:27:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi Might I suggest that something else about this person besides the gap in her knowledge about online sites might be making you think twice Actually I think that might be a big part of it. Something about her in general seems somewhat "not right" but I can't put my finger on it. On the other hand I don't wish to let paranoia guide me away from meeting people.

lizi -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/4/2013 7:57:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick Actually I think that might be a big part of it. Something about her in general seems somewhat "not right" but I can't put my finger on it. On the other hand I don't wish to let paranoia guide me away from meeting people. Don't dismiss this feeling of uncertainty by misnaming it paranoia. It's healthy to pay attention when we feel that there isn't something quite right, and then with time, go into more depth analysis of why we're feeling that way. Either way, more interaction with her seems like a great idea so that you'll pinpoint more of what's throwing you off, or you'll be able to feel more at ease. Since you know you're feeling a bit leery, take your time and see if anything else comes to the surface, but please don't dismiss your gut feelings about someone - that's usually very good information right there.

LadyPact -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/4/2013 8:06:45 AM)
I just has the weirdest thought. Make sure she's not one of those chicks who read "50 Shades of Grey" and is getting all of her information from that.

JeffBC -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/4/2013 10:47:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick I hate being suspicious of people who have not done anything wrong to me, but I have alarm bells going off. Am I being overly suspicious? Me personally? I'd vote for being suspicious when she actually proposes some bit of ridiculousness. Has she done so? If not, I'd almost consider failing to be aware of internet BDSM as a good thing rather than a bad thing.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/4/2013 12:14:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I just has the weirdest thought. Make sure she's not one of those chicks who read "50 Shades of Grey" and is getting all of her information from that. [sm=rofl.gif][sm=rofl.gif][sm=rofl.gif] Wouldn't that suck?

Gauge -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/4/2013 12:24:35 PM)
How many different sites are there on the Internet? How many people couldn't give a rats ass about owning a computer except for maybe email and some Facebook games? I don't think that someone who is into BDSM has to include knowing or not knowing about Collarme or other sites on their resume. If you want it to raise a red flag, so be it. Me? Well, get to know the person better, then you will find out if they are pulling your chain or if they are genuine. The best advice ever in BDSM relationships is to take it easy at first, get to know each other and after doing that, then you can decide if you want to get kinky with them.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/4/2013 8:23:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick Not sure if this is the right place to ask, but I met a lady recently and she claims she is a dominant, heavily into the lifestyle, yet when I mentioned this site and fet life she looked at me like I had two heads, saying she never heard of them. I hate being suspicious of people who have not done anything wrong to me, but I have alarm bells going off. Am I being overly suspicious? I say we hunt the bitch down and crop her legs.

CougarRick -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/4/2013 8:55:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie I say we hunt the bitch down and crop her legs. Uhm...no, let's not do that. It's a bit excessive and she is a pretty nice lady.

DaddyMax4you -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/4/2013 9:00:47 PM)
Some people are very dominant or submissive, but also very monogamous. So there is a possibility that she only did these things with her husband or lover. Many people just don't feel the need to go out if they have a great person at home to play with. If she said that she was polyamorous or really active in the community, it would be different. But the lifestyle and the community are two different things.

DaddyMax4you -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/4/2013 9:05:59 PM)
Oh. And if her background is as a pro-dom there is a possibility that she only travels in those circles. Collarme.com is a personals site. Fetlife is more like facebook. She might have been focusing more on sites that focus more on pro-dom networking and development. So I would say that she is either a pro-dom or she is coming out of a long term monogamous D/s relationship. Ask her if she has ever heard of ALT.com or Bondage.com. Those sites were around from the late 19990s-2005 or so. CM became the big thing in 2005 and fetlife is the most recent.

NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/5/2013 4:10:18 AM)
I have to admit, when I first realized I was kinky it was due to some exposure to Extreme Restraints and, through that site, Alt.com(long story I won't go into). But that was a paying site and I decided to google for free bdsm sites. It was only then that I came up with CM. I found out from someone on a CM message board about Fet. So I didn't know about either site in the beginning either. Sometimes people are just involved in their real time local BDSM community and don't frequent a computer period or sites on a computer. NBMG

SadisticMs2 -> RE: Dom who has never heard of CM or Fet (9/5/2013 5:21:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I just has the weirdest thought. Make sure she's not one of those chicks who read "50 Shades of Grey" and is getting all of her information from that. And that would be my concern. If she hasn't heard of these sites, she's probably not active much online nor is she active in her local community......so where's she been educating herself about safe play and how has she been meeting potential partners? Where did you meet her? Many of the activities that we engage in have some technical aspects that aren't obvious and require some level of research and education to do safely. You don't necessarily need to find a mentor or get involved in the local scene but you should be reading some books and some decent non-porn websites.

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