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lovethyself -> RE: Childhood Depression (9/6/2013 6:43:36 AM)
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FR
Petitspot, you've gotten some great advice from a number of people. I just wanted to add my perspective to the melting pot.
Meds aren't the only answer, and depending on how your daughter views them, could be detrimental to her recovery. I went through depression in high school. One of the things that made everything harder for me was learning (through blood tests and family medical histories) that I was genetically fucked up, and would be for the rest of my life. My teenaged, hormonal, depressed mind was not something that processed this information in a healthy way. That was coupled with the conclusion of my psychologist that if I wanted to feel normal, I would need to be medicated. So, now it's something that I may have to take drugs to solve for years, if I want to function normally.
I fought that concept. I wanted to be given a chance to learn how to deal with it without drugs first. To learn coping strategies. Hell, part of the problem was all of these new hormones raging through my system. It was like having a new body and mind that you had to relearn how to function with. I wasn't being given the chance to figure it out anddd let things settle down before they wanted to use drugs to fix it. Fortunately I was able to talk to my mom about how I felt about it, and we agreed to a trial period of not being medicated, where I was given some latitude to figure things out. I still talked to a therapist (my guidance counsilor actually, we had a good relationship), and talked to my mom. Having her faith in me, and her trust that I would come to her with my problems helped a lot.
I made it through that without needing regulating medication, though it would have been nice to learn a couple more coping strategies. I stopped the therapy because I wasn't at that school anymore.
I truly believe that my psychiatrist handled my case badly, in that I learned a lot of things about my family's mental health history that I would have been happy to not know. It may sound like ostrich behaviour, but learning it all at the same time just hammered into my head that I was fucked, and there was nothing I could do to change it because it was in my genes. Even now, when I have low periods (I'm bipolar), it's harder for me to climb out of the hole because it feels pointless and insurmountable. I know different, and have proven that to myself enough times that I can mostly ignore the negative thoughts that run through my mind when depressed.
I am not most people, and I don't think like most people. Some would be glad for a diagnosis that explained the irrational feelings that their having. For me, the concept of fighting through hormones was easier than fighting through genes. The first was something that should settle down after puberty, and so had something of an end date in my head. The latter felt like something bigger, endless, possibly hopeless. In mind over matter, names have power.
I'm not advocating against medication if that is deemed necessary, and that's what your daughter feels will help. If her case warrants it, definitely do what she needs to get better. But I will stress that she also needs to learn healthy coping skills, and learn about herself. If she writes a diary, have her go back and read over old entries. See if she can see patterns in her highs and lows. Are there things/people/situations that have her withdrawing more often? She can then take those things to her therapist to work through the underlying causes and triggers.
Talking online can help too. There are some good depression chat rooms where people can chat with others that have or are going through similar things. Sometimes it can help just to know that there are others going through similar things, or have gone through and came out the other side. They aren't crisis support, just safe zones to talk. I found, for me personally, nothing snapped me out of a bad headspace faster than someone else needing me. I'm the type of person that loves to feel useful, and helping someone else reinforces that for me. I would never leave a friend high and dry because I was in a bad mood/depressive spiral. I would force myself to put my issues aside and help them with their issue. Often, just hearing about their problems put mine into perspective.
You sound like a wonderful, loving parent. I can't imagine what it's like from your side of the coin. My mom and I are closer than close these days, in large part because I knew I could talk to her about anything, and she would listen to me as a person and not dismiss my point of view as being just a teenager. My opinions and views were valued and taken into consideration when decisions were made, and that made my mom a safe zone to open up to.
I hope you find a way that works for all of you, and things start looking up soon.
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