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Hello Everyone - 9/4/2013 3:56:10 PM

loyalTommy

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/1/2013
Status: offline

Greetings to anybody interested. I am new to CM and I'm here actively seeking a Domme as I am an ambitious novice submissive here to develop and explore my submissive nature.

I'll be completely transparent here, with ultimate respect to all those who are a valued part of this community.

This site has crushed my spirit. Even for a submissive I feel ugly and worthless.

I have been quite efficient with my search so far and I have respectfully read profiles and approached people politely and respectfully but it seems the only people who are interested in making contact are the scammers who are seeming to cut and paste information onto their profile, steal pictures, have several profiles that have conflicting information.

This is a huge shame as a lot of seemingly genuine Domme's are asking for tributes and won't respond at all without one. But my trust has been damaged by the scammers and fakes out there.

I am sad to say I'm fed up and frustrated, feel highly unwelcomed and useless and I am about ready to go back to a life where my true submissive side is back once again in the shadows.

I know some of you probably have tips and do's and don't or perhaps want to tell me to have some patience but after so many rounds of being either ignored or almost scammed the patience wears thin and my feelings become a little damaged too.

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Post #: 1

RE: Hello Everyone - 9/4/2013 4:32:05 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Relax, fella. All the folks here have two arms and two legs, same as you. Join in the forums, and quit feeling you don't measure up. Especially with your looks, for which I'd love to trade you.

Don't take all this so personally.

I dunno what the Leeds scene is like, but stateside here in Colorado, collarme is not the best method to meet partners. And I speak as someone who's done it. Your time would be far better spent going to local munches and groups, and looking for partners there. Or for people who know women that could be partners.

Good on you, picking off the scammers. Ignore them - let them bother you no more.

Welcome to the forums.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to loyalTommy)

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Post #: 2

RE: Hello Everyone - 9/4/2013 4:47:04 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

You joined the site three whole days ago and you're ready to take your ball and go home?

The internet is really not a good place for finding BDSM partners. The best place to do that is in your local BDSM community. You do it by going to events, meeting actual people, face to face, making friends, watching, asking questions and learning. The internet is good for FINDING your local BDSM community and what events are coming up. CM, however, isn't a good site for that. Fetlife.com is. CM is really best for these forums.

(in reply to loyalTommy)

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Post #: 3

RE: Hello Everyone - 9/4/2013 5:17:44 PM

loyalTommy

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/1/2013
Status: offline

I guess I made a mistake as I came for the personals. I'm a little too nervous to attend events within my local scene as I have no friends to go with and I'm not comfortable within large groups. I am absolutely find if it's a group I am well acquainted with but with much of this life still being very alien to me it makes it twice as difficult.

I am sorry if I'm venting, this wasn't intentional and I thank you for your replies and words of advice.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

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Post #: 4

RE: Hello Everyone - 9/4/2013 6:58:41 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5170
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: loyalTommy

I guess I made a mistake as I came for the personals. I'm a little too nervous to attend events within my local scene as I have no friends to go with and I'm not comfortable within large groups. I am absolutely find if it's a group I am well acquainted with but with much of this life still being very alien to me it makes it twice as difficult.

It comes down to this, Tom. How badly do you really want to find this Dominant of your dreams? If you really really want to find this Dominant you'll do everything you can, even attend events where you are not completely comfortable. If you can't bring yourself to be a bit uncomfortable, then you probably won't find that which you seek.

You will find a lot of so called "Dominants" online. They know what to say and type to make a submissive squirm. It's a game to these online Dominants. Until you have met a person and interact with that person you have no idea who that person truly is. Are you really willing to give up the relationship you have for a maybe relationship with a person you know nothing about?

I was in your place at one time. I'm very shy but I really wanted to join the scene and see what it was about. So I went anyway. The only person I knew there was some guy from the internet I talked into attending. After the first day we spent little time together. This was 8 years ago. I'm still friends with many of those I met at the event. I have lived 24/7 with a Dominant I met at the event for 7 1/2 years. Unlike you I didn't already have a relationship going. I waited until my husband had passed on and I was free before I sought what I wanted.

Tom....welcome to Collarme. I do hope you think about what you are doing. Please try to be honorable in all that you do.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to loyalTommy)

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Post #: 5

RE: Hello Everyone - 9/4/2013 9:27:19 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Ease up. No need to apologize.

Then attend a munch. Kinky people, vanilla place, vanilla clothes, mostly vanilla conversations.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to peppermint)

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Post #: 6

RE: Hello Everyone - 9/5/2013 5:21:08 AM

Rasciallymisty

Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline

Hello and welcome to CM and the forums.

_____________________________

~misty~

Been here since 2004

Fear has two meanings: "Forget Everything And Run" or "Face Everything And Rise." The choice is yours!!!!!

(in reply to loyalTommy)

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Post #: 7

RE: Hello Everyone - 9/5/2013 8:34:18 AM

OohAahMrs

Posts: 7723
Joined: 7/14/2010
Status: offline

Welcome Tom, you should learn to laugh in the face of adversity. Ba Ha ha ha, of course you could always give up and leave those gals for us real, unshakable guys!

_____________________________

You may choc the choc.........Oh forget it......

(in reply to loyalTommy)

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Post #: 8

RE: Hello Everyone - 9/5/2013 5:34:48 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: loyalTommy

I guess I made a mistake as I came for the personals. I'm a little too nervous to attend events within my local scene as I have no friends to go with and I'm not comfortable within large groups. I am absolutely find if it's a group I am well acquainted with but with much of this life still being very alien to me it makes it twice as difficult.

I am sorry if I'm venting, this wasn't intentional and I thank you for your replies and words of advice.

Almost everyone who joins their local BDSM community goes into it knowing nobody and feeling awkward. I'm terrible at group interaction myself and not real good at making friends. When I finally got tired of nothing but fantasy and learned that cyber is, umm, unfulfilling, I screwed up the nerve to find my local community and join it. It took me seven months before I started getting any sort of regular action.

But, the choice is really very simple. You spend your life hiding behind your computer "meeting" other people who are hiding behind theirs or you can face your fears and GO. Waiting another year or ten isn't going to make those first meeting less intimidating; it will just make you another year or ten older.

Go.

(in reply to loyalTommy)

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Post #: 9

RE: Hello Everyone - 9/7/2013 6:38:54 AM

garyFLR

Posts: 4030
Joined: 5/11/2013
Status: offline

Hi Tommy,

Welcome to CM, there are some really good people on the forum side, on the profile side, not so much. We've all been in your position, as a new member, you're regarded as fresh meat to the scammers, the longer you're here on CM, the less you'll be bothered by them.
I know the scammers are a bit soul destroying, but scrape them off & enjoy the site.

I hope you find who you're searching for, it may take a while, but, it'll happen, just be aware there are some unscrupulous people around, that's all. Have fun.

All the best, Gary.

_____________________________

Chairman of the Lady TNDommeK Appreciation Society, in celebration of all things Ducklippery & Luxuriant :-D.

(in reply to loyalTommy)

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Post #: 10

RE: Hello Everyone - 9/7/2013 12:51:26 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline

Welcome to CM.