Improving as a sub when single

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ScoutsHonor -> Improving as a sub when single (9/6/2013 3:27:26 PM)
I have been thinking a lot lately about self improvement both in the vanilla world and as a sub. I am currently not owned or in a relationship and for a while I felt as if at best I was stagnant as a submissive and at worst backsliding. After some thought I've decided that this should not be the case and there is no reason I should not be growing durring this time. That way I am all the better a person and sub when I enter a relationship. I have realized that I can use this time to spend more time excersizing and improving my body so it is more pleaseing and I can work on posture while knealing or other positions. I was wondering what other ideas people have or what they have done while single (or that wish they would have done) to remain from becoming stagnant or lazy. Do you have book recommendations, excersizes, advice for a single submissive? Particularly one somewhat new to the lifestyle. Thank you.

kalikshama -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/6/2013 3:42:37 PM)
Not all Doms are into postures. In fact, I've never been with anyone into this. You could certainly take yoga classes, which have many benefits, including increasing flexibility. And striving for physical fitness is an admirable goal whether single or attached. I think a better question for you to ask is "What non-physical attributes do I need to possess to attract a worthy man?"

OsideGirl -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/6/2013 3:43:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ScoutsHonor I can work on posture while knealing or other positions. You're assuming the next person you will be with will want you to kneel or assume positions. quote: I was wondering what other ideas people have or what they have done while single (or that wish they would have done) to remain from becoming stagnant or lazy. Do you have book recommendations, excersizes, advice for a single submissive? Particularly one somewhat new to the lifestyle. Thank you. Isn't there something that you'd like to learn that provides service? Wine appreciation. Cooking. Organizing. Learn about football or baseball. There are million little things that you could learn that would be appreciated by someone out there...and in most cases they'd appreciate it more than learning a set of positions.

TieMeInKnottss -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/6/2013 4:09:00 PM)
I say take up massage...that seems to be a popular service...never go wrong offering a massage!

lizi -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/6/2013 4:19:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ScoutsHonor I have been thinking a lot lately about self improvement both in the vanilla world and as a sub. I am currently not owned or in a relationship and for a while I felt as if at best I was stagnant as a submissive and at worst backsliding. After some thought I've decided that this should not be the case and there is no reason I should not be growing durring this time. That way I am all the better a person and sub when I enter a relationship. I have realized that I can use this time to spend more time excersizing and improving my body so it is more pleaseing and I can work on posture while knealing or other positions. I was wondering what other ideas people have or what they have done while single (or that wish they would have done) to remain from becoming stagnant or lazy. Do you have book recommendations, excersizes, advice for a single submissive? Particularly one somewhat new to the lifestyle. Thank you. Well, I have to chime in, I've never had any Dominant I've ever met/talked to/interacted with even talk to me about wanting their partner in positions or having them be better at kneeling. The time I've spent overall on my knees period in the service of any man has been very small, I'm of much greater use not being stationary on the floor. But if it floats your boat then I'd say go for it. The exercising in general...heck yes, that's a great idea. Anything to get yourself in better shape is of huge benefit to yourself and to anyone sharing your life. Since there isn't anyone else to consider right now, I'd go by what is interesting to you and would have general appeal to anyone in the future. Learn a sport perhaps, and get in the improved physical condition while adding something else to your repertoire. How about dance? Maybe that could give you the positions you seek as well as a real life application. An instrument? General cooking or if you've mastered that, some type of ethnic food, vegetarian, baking, gluten free, or whatever. I always liked the tea service idea, which is rather specialized, not everyone would see the use of that, but it's something I'm interested in soooo, hey, why not. Public speaking, art appreciation, massage, accounting, grammar, another language, etc. Pick a few things and run a poll in the poll section to get everyone else's vote if you really want to get a general consensus. One thing I don't really understand is your feeling of backsliding. What are you backsliding from?

JeffBC -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/6/2013 4:21:01 PM)
Hrrrrrmmmm. this may be an inappropriate answer because I don't deal in "subs" exactly, but here goes: Go find some ugly nasty volunteer position that nobody wants to do and do it... like working the soup kitchen at 2am or somesuch. Use that to develop strength, discipline, and the demonstrated ability to think someone else's needs may be more important than your own. If needed, get your college degree. If needed, get your career (not job) in shape. The things you listed, other than beautification things, would be meaningless to me and the beauty part wouldn't get in you in the door all by itself. When I think of both a "slave" and a "life partner" I want someone who has more practical utility than looking pretty while they kneel in a corner.

ScoutsHonor -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/6/2013 4:27:02 PM)
I hadn't realized until now that I hadn't mentioned non physical things but that has been on my mind as well. I'm just not sure what generalized things that aren't too specific that I should focus on. These have been some really good ideas so far though. I know that not all Doms are into positions and yoga seems like a good way to go so that my body can easily learn them if need be down the line.

ScoutsHonor -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/6/2013 4:30:47 PM)
When I say backsliding I'm not sure if that's the best word but I don't feel as submissive in daily life as I would prefer. I feel that when I'm not improving I'm just getting lazy. That could just be a personal hang up though.

OsideGirl -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/6/2013 4:38:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ScoutsHonor but I don't feel as submissive in daily life as I would prefer. I don't get this at all. I don't submit to the world in general. I submit to one person.

lizi -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/6/2013 4:46:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ScoutsHonor When I say backsliding I'm not sure if that's the best word but I don't feel as submissive in daily life as I would prefer. I feel that when I'm not improving I'm just getting lazy. That could just be a personal hang up though. Well, I have to ask here, why do you think you have to be submissive in daily life? Do the people you run into warrant getting your service? I'd say probably not. In fact, if you had an owner, he might want to reap the benefits of your submissiveness exclusively. I don't generally see being submissive in life activities as a beneficial thing to do, I think there's a strong case to be made for having the balls (so to speak) for getting things done effectively and efficiently. There is beauty in something that is well run and well done. While I don't think that you are advocating being a dogsbody to the general public, I'm just offering the opinion that a single woman may need to keep a backbone in her day to day life dealings. Besides who is to say that your future man wants a woman who acts submissive when she leaves the house? Lots of men like their woman to be on the fiery side when she's not with him. If you are saying that by preventing backsliding you are looking to be humbled, I thought Jeff's suggestion of volunteering was excellent. It doesn't have to be for something horrific, any cause for those less fortunate will do the job. When I was in my clinical rotation for school and working with the school age children with disabilities, I was mentally in a peaceful place. I was able to give myself to the kids who needed me, and I was constantly reminded of how much I had, therefore making me extremely humble...and happy.

JeffBC -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/6/2013 4:56:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl I don't get this at all. I don't submit to the world in general. I submit to one person. And I'm equally mystified from my side. Carol DOES submit to the whole world. And for exactly that reason submissiveness feels like nothing to her. It's just how she is. Not that I'm really arguing with the OP about her viewpoint. But I am a bit mystified what it means.

ScoutsHonor -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/6/2013 6:36:29 PM)
I don't mean that I feel as if I need to be submissive to the world. I feel as if I need to be growing for the one who will eventually be my Master. I may not be owned yet but I don't believe it is wise to me frittering away my time and allowing myself to be lazy and too self-centered. This is a time for me to work on myself so that when the time comes my Master knows that I was respecting him and caring for his property before he even entered my life. It may seem a little intense but it's the way I feel I need to behave. However I seem to be a bit at a loss for what that growing and improving looks like right now. The suggestions have been great though and with some thought and planing I will be working some of them into my life so that I don't remain stagnant.

JeffBC -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/6/2013 7:28:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ScoutsHonor I don't mean that I feel as if I need to be submissive to the world. I feel as if I need to be growing for the one who will eventually be my Master. Always wise in my opinion... and not just for subs. One of my most common pieces of relationship advice is "Make yourself the kind of person that would be attractive to the one you seek." Good luck in your efforts at self improvement. That is always an admirable goal. Sadly, I don't think I'm the one to help LOL. I'm the party pooper on these boards.

NuevaVida -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/7/2013 12:24:29 AM)
Explore your interests and passions. What gets you excited to talk about? Cooking? Pottery? Music? Whatever it is, go do it, make friends, and enjoy life. When you fill your life doing what you love, you will be happy, healthy, and stand a better chance of finding a good match for yourself. And I bet you'll learn about yourself along the way, which is always good. Don't grow for some idea of a guy who only exists in your head. Grow for yourself, and everything else falls into place.

NuevaVida -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/7/2013 12:27:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC Always wise in my opinion... and not just for subs. One of my most common pieces of relationship advice is "Make yourself the kind of person that would be attractive to the one you seek." And the Mister and I say be your authentic self - discover who that is and be true to who you are, and the right person for you will be attracted to that.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/7/2013 12:37:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida Explore your interests and passions. What gets you excited to talk about? Cooking? Pottery? Music? Whatever it is, go do it, make friends, and enjoy life. When you fill your life doing what you love, you will be happy, healthy, and stand a better chance of finding a good match for yourself. And I bet you'll learn about yourself along the way, which is always good. Don't grow for some idea of a guy who only exists in your head. Grow for yourself, and everything else falls into place. This... Oh, and advance your career - whether that's via college or a degree. And be kind to people.

ARIES83 -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/7/2013 3:38:50 AM)
Scoutshonor, Thats an interesting idea, and an interesting question. I also struggle with (i think) a similar type of feeling, that if I'm not moving toward something, I'm being lazy etc... Even though I know I'm doing heaps I will still have that vague feeling that I could be doing more... Goals are important, but something equally important in my opinion is keeping track of your progress toward those goals and actually recognising how far you've come rather than how far is still to go... This is especially important for people who beat themselves up somewhat while they are actually making good headway... Anyway, as far as what exercises and umm, trainings you could do to make yourself a better sub... I'm not really sure but thats an interesting idea to ponder... Well for the body I agree that taking up yoga is a good move... flexibility, muscle tone and general bodily health are great things to try and develop obviously, just because. As for skills, another thing I'd suggest would be, to think what would you see yourself doing for a dom/master... And then try and practice doing those things, like say... If you see cooking for him as a subbly duty, then build up your cooking repertoire! Like has already been mentioned, you can't really go wrong with learning massage! Hmm, the mentality though... I'm not sure exactly how you would go about trying to make yourself more submissive... All the training type things popping into my head, that you could do yourself, are derived from Gor books... They could very well work for you but I don't feel good about taking stuff I've read in fiction and then passing it on as advice in the real world.

orgasmdenial12 -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/7/2013 4:16:05 AM)
I think this is a lovely idea, and many Doms are impressed with this sort of attitude. Back in the new year I decided to do a similar thing. I was looking for an orgasm denial relationship involving lots of oral and anal, so I decided to start denying myself and increase the amount of time I was able to take things like gags and ass toys. I then kept a journal on it. Yes, it was sexy as hell, but it also had a theme of committment, application, dedication and pursuit of the type of relationship I wanted, and how well I would be able to perform physically in such a relationship. When I did meet the right Dom for me, it was a very smooth and easy transition, and he was really impressed by reading my journal and seeing how committed I was to these ideas. So, think about what kind of a submissive you'd like to be - do you like the idea of domestic service, dressing to please, being quiet, cooking, etc? Then start doing it. And it never hurts to keep an online journal of it all, if that is your sort of thing, because you will probably enjoy writing about it, and potential Doms will probably enjoy reading it and getting a really good idea of who you are, what kind of submissive you want to be and how committed you are to finding that. What was also nice for me was that it tended to attract Doms who weren't afraid of a bit of reading, and who had their own opinions to share - wordy, interesting men, and I like that. Have fun and good luck :-)

lilcracker -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/7/2013 4:30:04 AM)
I focused on who I really am and what I really wanted in another partner. I improved myself mentally and became the person I wanted to be. Also for me keeping my home space especially neat was a huge thing for me. It 'made' me feel submissive to pick up the broom and mop. That has carried on because in my current relationship, having an immaculate apartment was KEY. The very first thing he said to me when he came into my apartment for the first time was, "Wow it smells clean in here."

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Improving as a sub when single (9/7/2013 4:33:35 AM)
Being the best you can be for your dominant or future dominant is all well and good, except you should strive to be the best you can be for yourself, first. This impetus to improve should not come from another, but from your own inner self. You are young enough you have time to build your own inner strength, and I'd start there. Work on being as emotionally and spiritually healthy as you can. Also work on being physically healthy, but the other two come first and can effect your physical well being. You are in school, be the best student you can, and start today looking toward your future and your possible career choices so you can make well informed decisions. Not all dominants require the same service, as has been pointed out. Still, a regime for self improvement will increase your self-esteem, and that's always a positive. But do what you enjoy doing. You could spend time and money on wine appreciation when your dom is a beer drinker. A key to success in life is to be the best you can be, to be true to yourself, and to follow your bliss. In my mind, being a happy and successful person is what makes for great sub material.

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