Telling Someone

Telling Someone (Full Version)

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teacherspet7 -> Telling Someone (9/6/2013 10:07:13 PM)
I'm sure this is asked somewhere out there... some background history. I'm seeing a guy, kinda an arranged marriage thing (dont judge on that). He likes me I like him. So i tried shoving my need where this lifestyle comes in away thinking its just a phase...but I'm starting to get really needy missing it all. So how do I tell him what I need (as a sub)?

Darkfeather -> RE: Telling Someone (9/6/2013 10:16:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: teacherspet7 I'm sure this is asked somewhere out there... some background history. I'm seeing a guy, kinda an arranged marriage thing (dont judge on that). He likes me I like him. So i tried shoving my need where this lifestyle comes in away thinking its just a phase...but I'm starting to get really needy missing it all. So how do I tell him what I need (as a sub)? Not everyone is kinky, or more specifically, your kind of kinky. Some guys just don't have it in them to hurt someone and enjoy it. That said, the only way you are going to find out, is to actually talk to him. It is a part of you, an aspect of your personality. Tell him some of the things you think about or like, see if that sparks dialogue. Who knows, he may be sitting there struggling with the same questions...

LadyPact -> RE: Telling Someone (9/6/2013 11:27:47 PM)
Yes, it does get asked a lot. The most recent thread on this subject had it's last post four days ago. Here is the link to that thread. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4534609/tm.htm

JeffBC -> RE: Telling Someone (9/7/2013 8:55:11 AM)
Is this secondlife or real life? I think there are different answers for both.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Telling Someone (9/7/2013 5:23:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: teacherspet7 I'm sure this is asked somewhere out there... some background history. I'm seeing a guy, kinda an arranged marriage thing (dont judge on that). He likes me I like him. So i tried shoving my need where this lifestyle comes in away thinking its just a phase...but I'm starting to get really needy missing it all. So how do I tell him what I need (as a sub)? I like your avatar....I want to have sex with your avatar.

littlewonder -> RE: Telling Someone (9/7/2013 7:20:21 PM)
Find someone who isn't married and has more in common with you.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Telling Someone (9/8/2013 8:36:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Find someone who isn't married and has more in common with you. Figures, her avatar is married.

teacherspet7 -> RE: Telling Someone (9/8/2013 9:42:52 AM)
Real life not second life Lol my avatar is not married And don't tell me to find someone else

KYObserver -> RE: Telling Someone (9/8/2013 10:47:06 AM)
If it's not in your partner, it never will be. It's something that has to come from deep inside of us. The best you can do is be upfront with him about it and then decide if it will work between the two of you.

littlewonder -> RE: Telling Someone (9/8/2013 11:17:05 AM)
I can tell you anything I want. It's up to you to decide how you wish to react to it. But in reality you can't change people. Find someone who has more in common with you and will give you what you want. This guy is married. He's not gonna give you that. Take it however you wish.

evesgrden -> RE: Telling Someone (9/8/2013 11:19:41 AM)
You and your guy are in what amounts to an arranged marriage? Or he's in an arranged marriage and you're single and having an affair with him?

MizzSpitfire -> RE: Telling Someone (9/8/2013 12:02:21 PM)
Just flat-out tell him. I've never had a negative reaction from anyone.

SerWhiteTiger -> RE: Telling Someone (9/8/2013 11:31:21 PM)
So you're getting put into an arranged marriage with this guy and you need to try to figure out how to make him more compatible with you? You can't. You can tell him your needs and he might choose to change to fit your needs, but you can't change him and you shouldn't expect him to. Well, unless maybe you're dominant and he's submissive. [sm=evil.gif]

Toysinbabeland -> RE: Telling Someone (9/8/2013 11:56:44 PM)
Isn't the arranged marriage torture enough?

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Telling Someone (9/9/2013 4:05:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland Isn't the arranged marriage torture enough? Isn't marriage torture enough?

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Telling Someone (9/9/2013 5:01:33 AM)
Marrying someone in the hopes of changing them never works. Arranged marriage is a thing that should be in the past. You're going to have to grow a set and tell your parents you want to pick your own partner. Yes, they will be upset. I have a friend from India whose parents wanted to arrange his marriage, and he decided to marry a Caucasian woman. He told his mother: I am changing my religion, changing my name to john, oh and I am marrying a white woman. They were so happy he was kidding about the first two, they eventually got over the last one. It's my opinion that to be happy, eventually you are going to have to get out from under your family's thumb. You can do that now before you marry this guy, or later once you two have kids and become so unhappy you cause even more heartbreak. In this day and age, arranged marriages don't work that well, most especially in this country, where you claim to be.

Domnotlooking -> RE: Telling Someone (9/9/2013 6:55:10 AM)
Your extreme reticence to address basic sex stuff does not bode well for this union. Check out the internet group, I live in a sexless marriage for a sad look at your soul crushing future. Plenty of people over there are in arranged marriages BTW.

Traveler0471 -> RE: Telling Someone (9/9/2013 12:29:08 PM)
Deep down, what is it that you fear, He will be repulsed and move on? He will embrace the lifestyle, but not you? He will discuss openly your choices in lifestyle with the real world? What is it that you want?

topcat -> RE: Telling Someone (9/10/2013 1:47:25 PM)
My first rule for broaching the subject (with anyone, regardless of their relation to you) is to avoid 'proper' SM terminology. 'Dominant' and 'submissive' should only be used as adjectives, not nouns, for example. Talking about what you want in bed should be kept to a minimum when you are not in bed. Stick to generalities, like "I want to be ravished" or "I like when a Man doesn't think I am fragile". In the heat of the moment, many things that might be an issue come very easily- "Pull my hair!" "Slap my ass!" "harder!". I have a friend who had a similar problem, and it worked out well for all concerned.

ivone57 -> RE: Telling Someone (9/11/2013 1:31:17 AM)
just sit him down for a cup of coffee as a get to know each other better situation and tell him about your needs and desires... either he accepts them or he doesnt....

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