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ShadeDiva -> RE: question about Tribute (4/7/2004 9:42:24 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: matthewslave
Mistresses, i have a question if i may?
i understand that many non-Pro Mistresses require some form of Tribute for their time. but do all, and what is the difference between Tribute and take-the-cash-and-run?
Okay. Let's see if I can be clear on this and shed some light on this for ya hehehe. And yeah if *any* of them are reading this board you can be *sure* they will be hissing in complete outrage and indignant anger at my reply to you. *smile*
quote:
ORIGINAL: matthewslave
the root of the question is this...i've been approached quite often on this site and on others, especially given how new i am to this and other bdsm sites, by Mistresses who like my ad. The overwhelming majority then tell me that They are not pro-dommes, they seek lifestyle slaves...and it will be 200-800 dollars on O/our first meeting, and 200-400 dollars a month after that.
If a lady contacts YOU first and *then* follows that with asking for a *tribute* I think I can safely say with authority here that the ONLY thing they are looking for is your cash. They aren't prodommes, because they can't back up that claim with references or experience or even a history, or people that know them in the scene - most likely because they *aren't* of the scene, private or publicly, and they probably have materialized out of the blue to try their hand at getting easy cash and material goods. Prodommes in general tend to have a site or a printed ad, or *some* way to show they've been around and know what the heck they are doing. These folks wouldn't have that if they are just trying their hand at seeing if they can get easy money or "tributes".
I'd also bet MY paycheck they aren't lifestylers either, because yanno, lifestylers just don't tend to troll the boards and sites, digging through member lists looking for a subbie to contact and then go hey, but you have to PAY me if you want to talk to *me*. They just don't. If they were as they claimed to be, they wouldn't *have* to, all they'd need to do is put themselves out there and there would be enough interest that folks would contact *them*. The mere fact that THEY are contacting *you* and then stating there is a price for their *time and effort* when THEY are the ones that took the initial time and effort to even START the contact in the first place says it *all* to me. I mean if you were contacting THEM I could then *maybeeeeeeeee* see where they'd have a *reason* to say it, after all you'd then be the one contacting *them* without their invitation.
quote:
ORIGINAL: matthewslave
if it were a matter of the Mistress requesting this because i was taking up so much of her time to be trained, i would understand. i truly would! but i haven't even met most of these Mistresses, and they still demand it or they won't even talk to me.
Okay. Can you *not* see the inherent flaw in that at *all*? I mean, *they* are contacting *you*, presumably to start up a conversation that might lead to more, or to get to know you a bit better, because they say they liked your ad. If they LIKED your ad enough to CONTACT you, then by god, lol, I think it's quite safe to say that THEY are attempting to initiate contact to get to know you better on a deeper level. To do that and then to say ... Ohhh NO, you haveta pay me cause my time is being taken up ... well if they are so damn busy why the HELL are they contacting someone to start up a conversation in the first place? "My time is money" you'll hear *that* little mantra a bazillion times, I know.
To that "little mantra" I say this: a lawyer or a doctor has a professional price on their time. But if they are at a lawyer (hmmm ... do lawyers even *have* conventions??? LOL!) or doctor convention, and they walk up to someone and introduce themselves and say yanno I overheard you talking to someone over there and I really like what you had to say, and then when that person responded - they said, Ohh no, sorry buddy, but my time is *money*! If you want to talk to *me* you gotta "pay the fee".
Sound ridiculous? Of *course* it sounds ridiculous, because it IS ridiculous. And just as that same doctor or lawyer ought to expect being laughed at heartily for their stupidity before the person they were addressing turned their back on them and found someone they'd prefer to be around, so should these *coff* dommes contacting you and then laying down a price for mere conversation expect you to laugh merrily at their stupidity and then go happily on your way to find someone actually worth talking to.
If *they* contact YOU hon, it is THEY who are wasting YOUR time if they then demand a price for talking, not the other way around. Don't forget that.
quote:
ORIGINAL: matthewslave
i will send photos if requested, i'm not demanding 'jerk off' material, i honestly do want to serve and i have yet to ask for so much as a photograph of the person i wish to establish this servitude with. i have yet to even ask to speak on the phone with a Mistress.
I think you are on the right track hon. I think those *coff* dominants just aren't what you are really seeking at heart. Have faith. Finding the right person may take a while, just use that time to do serious self introspection and reflection, and to learn as much as you possibly can in the meantime. Try going to a munch. There is a munch practically anywhere people live. Start going to seminars or classes or demos, get on some local mailing lists for events, and start slowly getting involved in your local scene. It will at least expand your experience and help you grow and you never know ... the right lady might be *right there*!
quote:
ORIGINAL: matthewslave
i suppose the questions are...
A. does every Mistress and Goddess require cash up front for lifestyle play, and ongoing financial payments to be Owned?
No. Not at all. In fact I'd say that is the MINORITY, *not* the majority. Online I'd say that the *majority* that demand *coff* "tributes" aren't even dominant, and certainly are most likely not even into BDSM except to use the terms and the lingo to better tailor their little money-making illusion. Then again, I am of the opinion that tributes are like gifts, and as such, by definition can not be asked for, demanded for or commanded to be given, as that would then make that a *tithe* since if you disobeyed the command there is most likely to be *some* consequence of *some* sort. Tributes/gifts are things that would be given without seeking, threatening or demanding, because the giver *wishes* to do something nice *of their OWN accord* as an extra little surprise, just because they think it might make the person smile or lift their spirits or brighten their day, etc.
quote:
ORIGINAL: matthewslave
B. am i doing something wrong? (please ask whatever clarifying questions you wish, Goddesses, i will answer as soon as possible)
Well, I couldn't actually say since I am not privy to whatever it is you might be *doing* lol. I can say the mere fact you are here *asking* questions tells me that you are trying to use your head and seek something that is beneficial both to you and your dominant, and that you are concerned in regard to the health of the relationship. That sure sounds like a great mindset to me, and I always think asking questions is a GREAT thing!
quote:
ORIGINAL: matthewslave
C. what should i reasonably do here?
Write them off and seek someone that isn't trying to initiate contact only to then demand a cash price (and a LARGE price for mere conversation with a complete stranger I might add) for maintaining the very contact they started of their OWN volition.
Add keep asking questions. *Especially* when something seems funny or smells fishy or appears to be *off*, cuz it usually means it *is*. Trust your gut, learn to listen to it, and hear it clearly and when it tells you to think twice, then by god, think TWICE. *smile*
quote:
ORIGINAL: matthewslave
thank You for your time and your responses, Goddesses and Mistresses. I appreciate all of your help.
Anyway that's my little take on your queries and situations - JMO, FWIIW.
~ShadeDiva
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