Has anyone seen a sex therapist?

Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (Full Version)

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jc26 -> Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/13/2013 3:33:08 PM)
The reason I ask this is because...from my first post, about being married vanilla but with strong intense submissive desires, I realize that I am also sexually masochistic. Which seems like an even harder subject to broach. Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires? If so, does it work?

SweetAnise -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/13/2013 3:44:04 PM)
A therapist no matter what kind of therapist they are can not rid you of anything. If you feel that your feelings are undesirable you may wish to go to a therapist and figure out why. You also state you are married maybe you also need to see someone who does couples work and work out telling your vanilla partner about these feelings. There are many men and maybe some women on CM and other sites who are unhappy with their marriage because they are not getting what they want and therefore seek other venues for their needs. When really one needs to work with whom they already have a relationship with. Unless of course your partner is aware of your feelings and approves of an open relationship with you. So contact someone who can help you deal with these feelings and your marriage.

jc26 -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/13/2013 3:51:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetAnise A therapist no matter what kind of therapist they are can not rid you of anything. If you feel that your feelings are undesirable you may wish to go to a therapist and figure out why. You also state you are married maybe you also need to see someone who does couples work and work out telling your vanilla partner about these feelings. There are many men and maybe some women on CM and other sites who are unhappy with their marriage because they are not getting what they want and therefore seek other venues for their needs. When really one needs to work with whom they already have a relationship with. Unless of course your partner is aware of your feelings and approves of an open relationship with you. So contact someone who can help you deal with these feelings and your marriage. I can't really call myself unhappy. and I cannot blame anyone either because I have a hard time talking about what it is exactly that I need. I hint, and he sort of gets it a little but I haven't talked and really opened up about what it is I want. I thought perhaps talking to a sex therapist could convince me to just bury it and leave it alone? If that makes sense!

OvrThRainbow -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/13/2013 3:56:23 PM)
Therapists are not at all about "burying it and leaving it alone".

littleone35 -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/13/2013 5:08:52 PM)
Threapy can help but only if you really want it to. If you want someone to tell you its ok you can go outside your marrige to get thes needs mets then, i think threapy will not help you. You have to want to work this out. It would help if you and your husband went to therapy together. Matt's littleone

angelikaJ -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/13/2013 5:09:40 PM)
You could find a kink-friendly/kink aware therapist and speak to him/her. That way you can become more comfortable in your own skin and at some point bring your desires up to your partner.

jc26 -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/13/2013 5:11:54 PM)
This is what I was hoping for. I am curious how to find a "kink friendly" therapist.. And how would one even ask oh hey are you kink friendly by the way? quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ You could find a kink-friendly/kink aware therapist and speak to him/her. That way you can become more comfortable in your own skin and at some point bring your desires up to your partner.

OsideGirl -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/13/2013 5:14:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jc26 This is what I was hoping for. I am curious how to find a "kink friendly" therapist.. And how would one even ask oh hey are you kink friendly by the way? Google is your friend. It was a 5 second search. https://ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory/kap-directory-homepage.html

RedMagic1 -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/13/2013 5:16:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jc26 The reason I ask this is because...from my first post, about being married vanilla but with strong intense submissive desires, I realize that I am also sexually masochistic. Which seems like an even harder subject to broach. Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires? If so, does it work? "Honey, I was reading 50 Shades of Grey, and I think I'd like to try something. How about you beat my ass until I can barely stand it, and then I give you the best blowjob of your life while my hands are tied behind my back. What do you think?"

LittleGirlHeart -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/13/2013 5:36:56 PM)
I would never go to therapy hoping to rid myself of being a sexual masochist. I enjoy being kinky and deviant. And I have zero problem stating that or any of my other needs. quote: ORIGINAL: jc26 The reason I ask this is because...from my first post, about being married vanilla but with strong intense submissive desires, I realize that I am also sexually masochistic. Which seems like an even harder subject to broach. Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires? If so, does it work?

LittleGirlHeart -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/13/2013 5:39:15 PM)
Simple, you open your mouth and you ask. Are you kink friendly or kink aware. And then based on what they say or so not say, you go from there. it's not rocket science. quote: ORIGINAL: jc26 This is what I was hoping for. I am curious how to find a "kink friendly" therapist.. And how would one even ask oh hey are you kink friendly by the way?

HeidiAnn -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/13/2013 10:50:06 PM)
We went to therapy for a few years and it helped us a lot. We had to go through three therapists before we found one both were comfortable with. And i think that's very important. For us therapy helped us re-define our relationship and to accept that even though we are good friends and great at parenting together, we are no longer compatible sexually/BDSM-wise. Currently we live together and both see other people. We plan ahead and agree on certain conditions. And we have checkpoints at which we can check if both still wish to continue this arrangement. Next is next spring. So for us therapy helped us let go and move forward and to find unorthodoxical solutions to am unfortunate situation.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/14/2013 12:52:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: jc26 The reason I ask this is because...from my first post, about being married vanilla but with strong intense submissive desires, I realize that I am also sexually masochistic. Which seems like an even harder subject to broach. Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires? If so, does it work? "Honey, I was reading 50 Shades of Grey, and I think I'd like to try something. How about you beat my ass until I can barely stand it, and then I give you the best blowjob of your life while my hands are tied behind my back. What do you think?" I love you like mad.

NiceAnimal -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/14/2013 1:32:14 AM)
I would first try talking about it. Most people who really love each other will eventually come around to dipping their feet in some sexual idea, if you have good communication. Failing that you could see a relationship counciller. They often guide people through sexual differences.

kalikshama -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/14/2013 5:12:23 AM)
quote: "Honey, I was reading 50 Shades of Grey, and I think I'd like to try something. How about you beat my ass until I can barely stand it, and then I give you the best blowjob of your life while my hands are tied behind my back. What do you think?" Another vote for this. Once you've introduced "50 Shades," you can bring in non-fiction books like Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism - When my (now ex) husband and I were new to BDSM, I used to show him the pictures and say, "This sounds like fun - let's try it!" Worked like a charm [;)]

kalikshama -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/14/2013 5:25:35 AM)
quote: Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires? No, but back in the 90's I did speak to a sex therapist because I felt like wanted to be beaten made me a bad feminist. He gave me the casino analogy - some people like slots, some roulette, some black jack. No need to feel shame about this. Realizing how much more I enjoyed kinky sex vs vanilla sex helped me accept my orientation. Kinky sex arouses me - vanilla does not, unless way too much alcohol is involved. A few years ago I was seeing a therapist who was not especially Kink Aware when we started, but he was kink friendly, and every week I could tell he'd been doing some research about BDSM. So, you don't necessarily need to see someone who is in a kink directory, but you can ask them ahead of time what their position is on BDSM. My mother puts potential therapists for my brother under a rigorous interview process - you are the potential client, don't be afraid of asking questions to make sure they are a good match for you.

jc26 -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/14/2013 6:45:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama quote: Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires? No, but back in the 90's I did speak to a sex therapist because I felt like wanted to be beaten made me a bad feminist. He gave me the casino analogy - some people like slots, some roulette, some black jack. No need to feel shame about this. Realizing how much more I enjoyed kinky sex vs vanilla sex helped me accept my orientation. Kinky sex arouses me - vanilla does not, unless way too much alcohol is involved. A few years ago I was seeing a therapist who was not especially Kink Aware when we started, but he was kink friendly, and every week I could tell he'd been doing some research about BDSM. So, you don't necessarily need to see someone who is in a kink directory, but you can ask them ahead of time what their position is on BDSM. My mother puts potential therapists for my brother under a rigorous interview process - you are the potential client, don't be afraid of asking questions to make sure they are a good match for you. quote: ( thank you so much, for this. I feel the same in regards to what arouses me. and I agree with others as well that I do need to talk about it.. I guess I have to work through the embarrassment first

littlewonder -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/15/2013 6:32:47 PM)
If they went to a therapist to rid themselves of it and succeeded, they wouldn't be here to respond to you.

DarkSteven -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/16/2013 5:10:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jc26 Has anyone seen a sex therapist? Why, is one missing?[:)]

angelikaJ -> RE: Has anyone seen a sex therapist? (9/16/2013 7:11:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jc26 quote: Has anyone sought out a sex therapist to rid themselves of such desires? thank you so much, for this. I feel the same in regards to what arouses me. and I agree with others as well that I do need to talk about it.. I guess I have to work through the embarrassment first First, find a kink-friendly therapist; that should alleviate some of the embarrassment factor. Second, you can use 50 Shades as a reference point if you don't know how else to begin.

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