WIITWD and other thoughts

WIITWD and other thoughts (Full Version)

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MistressOfGa -> WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 12:01:25 AM)
I can't sleep, so as usual I am thinking about things that are going on in my life. I thought I would share a few thoughts and ask a few questions :) In my world WIITWD is normal. It is what I do. Not to say what people do in vanilla relationships is not normal, to them it could be, but to me, I could never go back to that kind of normal again. I am talking about more than just sex too. I am talking about my whole mindset, the way I live, what I do, who I choose to do it with. I wouldn't want to be with someone that I couldn't dominate. I couldn't be with someone who doesn't believe in the same things that I believe in, or didn't want the dynamics of a D/s relationship. How about you....? Would you ever consider being in a vanilla relationship? Could you give up WIITWD? What circumstances would necessitate you to change your way of life as you know it?

OedipusRexIt -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 12:07:36 AM)
I can only say yes, I might consider it. Beyond that, I would need to know the actual people I was considering, as each is magically different. My mind is pretty open, and I'll consider most anything. Your committment to the lifestyle takes a different path, as you understand, then some others. It all comes down to assessing the actual pros and cons. It would have to be someone clearly very unique, and I would not go beyond consideration if my proposed vanilla partner was not at least open to my world too. I wouldn't view it as giving up WIITWD, just suspending it, as life has sometimes required.

slavejali -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 12:14:58 AM)
Ive always been submissive in relationship, vanilla or not. I dont see any conflict there. What I would miss out on in a purely vanilla relationship is all the fun and games that go along with having kinks involved. I'd really like someone to challenge me one day when I say stuff like that as it seems most people dont think that way. ..but I really cant see any difference between a vanilla relationship and a Master/slave relationship within bdsm other than the kinks, when you have two people together who just naturally fit into dominant and submissive roles together.

MistressOfGa -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 12:23:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali Ive always been submissive in relationship, vanilla or not. I dont see any conflict there. What I would miss out on in a purely vanilla relationship is all the fun and games that go along with having kinks involved. Jali, When you were in a purely vanilla relationship, wasn't it difficult if he was submissive as well? I would have a problem in a relationship where the person I am with is dominant too. We would constantly knock heads about even the simple things, like what movie to watch, where to go on vacation, what insurance company to go with and what color the bedroom walls are going to be. I have actually had a man ask me "Who wears the pants in this family?" I have answered "I do, they just fit me better" <s> quote: It would have to be someone clearly very unique, and I would not go beyond consideration if my proposed vanilla partner was not at least open to my world too. OedipusRexIt, So you would tell your vanilla partner about wiityd? Thank you for responding :)

slavejali -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 12:30:27 AM)
quote: When you were in a purely vanilla relationship, wasn't it difficult if he was submissive as well? I've never been in a relationship where my partner was submissive. Maybe thats why I cant even fathom it and is why I see it how I do. Playing with a thought now: Say I was single and I met a man who displayed submissive qualities. ..I just wouldnt be attracted to him, so I would never end up in a relationship with him. quote: I have actually had a man ask me "Who wears the pants in this family?" I have answered "I do, they just fit me better" hehe too funny Maam. I can hear what your saying though, god that would be so horrible to find yourself in a relationship where you didnt really fit together. ugh!! I really can hear what you're saying there.

BitaTruble -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 12:31:18 AM)
quote: Would you ever consider being in a vanilla relationship? No. quote: Could you give up WIITWD? Nope again. quote: What circumstances would necessitate you to change your way of life as you know it? Death, dismissal or possibly mental impairment would change the M/s .. physical impairment might effect the S/m. Celeste

MistressOfGa -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 12:41:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali quote: When you were in a purely vanilla relationship, wasn't it difficult if he was submissive as well? I've never been in a relationship where my partner was submissive. Maybe thats why I cant even fathom it and is why I see it how I do. Playing with a thought now: Say I was single and I met a man who displayed submissive qualities. ..I just wouldnt be attracted to him, so I would never end up in a relationship with him. quote: I have actually had a man ask me "Who wears the pants in this family?" I have answered "I do, they just fit me better" hehe too funny Maam. I can hear what your saying though, god that would be so horrible to find yourself in a relationship where you didnt really fit together. ugh!! I really can hear what you're saying there. Jali, So basically, you gravitate towards dominant men, or they you. That is the thing about people wearing masks when you meet them, had I seen that the man was dominant, I would never of continued or built a relationship with him. He always agreed with what I wanted to do, he would purposely wait for me to make the decision. In fact, it wasn't until we were living together that he changed into the "pod" that he became. Once his dominant nature started coming forth, I found that I couldnt tolerate being in the same room with him. Uggghhh is right! Celeste, That is what I like about you, you are a bottom line type of girl lol you get right to the point <s>

YourhandMyAss -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 1:05:55 AM)
I am in a vanilla relationship no considering about it.

becca333 -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 1:12:15 AM)
I don't think I could be in a purely vanilla relationship any more. But, on the other hand, I've learned that life has a way of throwing things at you when you least expect it. Every time I thought I could see my path clearly, and had everything planned into the long term, that was the point when something would happen that changed my path completely. So no, I don't think I could be vanilla again. But who knows? Tomorrow lightning might strike, eyes across a crowded room, soul mates for life, and a total change in everything I've planned. I don't THINK that will happen... but ....

Taylore -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 1:21:15 AM)
quote: Would you ever consider being in a vanilla relationship? Could you give up WIITWD? What circumstances would necessitate you to change your way of life as you know it? This slave could not go back to being in a vanilla relationship. Being a slave is who I am, not what I do. To be honest, the only circumstance that could change my way of life would be death.

slavejali -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 1:26:47 AM)
quote: That is the thing about people wearing masks when you meet them, had I seen that the man was dominant, I would never of continued or built a relationship with him. Was just thinking, maybe thats one difference with a bdsm relationship and vanilla, the relationship and roles within it are defined before you go into it...but even then I guess people could agree to stuff and not really be able to live up to it..basically wearing a mask as well.

vield -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 1:30:33 AM)
I have spent too much time in life trying to make vanilla relationships work and know that is not for me. Yes it has hurt when a BD/SM relationship ends, whether I am the submissive or I am the dominant. But having that kinky relationship is so many orders of magnitude better than anything vanilla, I'll not go back. vield

bignipples2share -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 1:59:42 AM)
Some part of them has to already be corrupted towards my ways EG, if not, it just doesn't seem to work out. (I use the word 'corrupted' in the most pleasant and delight ways).

TxBadMan -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 2:05:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa I can't sleep, so as usual I am thinking about things that are going on in my life. I thought I would share a few thoughts and ask a few questions :) In my world WIITWD is normal. It is what I do. Not to say what people do in vanilla relationships is not normal, to them it could be, but to me, I could never go back to that kind of normal again. I am talking about more than just sex too. I am talking about my whole mindset, the way I live, what I do, who I choose to do it with. I wouldn't want to be with someone that I couldn't dominate. I couldn't be with someone who doesn't believe in the same things that I believe in, or didn't want the dynamics of a D/s relationship. How about you....? Would you ever consider being in a vanilla relationship? Could you give up WIITWD? What circumstances would necessitate you to change your way of life as you know it? Since I don't consider what I do to be a certain way of life; I fail to see what I would be giving up or gaining. I am just me, always.

jonathan -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 3:25:14 AM)
i could never go back to the vanilla way of things. That was the decision i reached about 15 years ago. Did i have to have the M/s or not? i'd been fortunate enough in the 1980's to have it occur within already established vanilla relationships, but not to the degree that i needed. Part of the reason they ended. It's the only way i want to live. That's why i'm so lucky to be under consideration by Goddess DustyGold. i saw Her posts to "What would you make your sub/slave do?" and "Dommes fall in love with submissive me?", confirming what we've already discussed. And giving me a warm glow.

JessieMe -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 3:52:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali ...but even then I guess people could agree to stuff and not really be able to live up to it..basically wearing a mask as well. Do you think they are wearing a mask or just kidding themselves? I see some people who seem very bent on trying to "convince themselves" they are submissive or slaves or Masters or Doms but in reality they dont really have a good handle on themselves or their relationship dynamic. (I am thinking of two posts in specific where each partner in one relationship are posting on these boards). I dont think they are "hiding behind a mask" so much as they just dont really know who or what they are yet.

JessieMe -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 4:04:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa How about you....? Would you ever consider being in a vanilla relationship? Could you give up WIITWD? What circumstances would necessitate you to change your way of life as you know it? When I came back to Texas a year ago (good lord has it only been that long?) after being gone for 18 yrs, I made a decision that I was going to get back into the good graces of my family which would have meant giving up this lifestyle and finding a nice young man that would "fit in" with the rest of the family's idea of what was ok. My mother esp had a problem with all the "control freak" type men I had so far gotten into relationships with. (If mom only REALLY knew hehe). I couldnt seem to meet anyone that would fit in their mold. I even went as far as a "christian dating service" but with the idea of finding someone into "domestic discipline" (kind of a 50/50 compromise). Anyways..that didnt work either. I had to come to the realization that I will NEVER go back to vanilla. And for this I can say never. I may at some point in my life not have a relationship with anyone at all. But I dont think I could even be attracted to someone who didnt have a clue about all of this. My last husband was my Master and the two previous were both about as vanilla as they come. One would "play" but it was a "dirty little secret" (that didnt last long) and the other couldnt even spank me during sex as a sex act. <shrug> No... I have accepted who I am and what it is that makes me tick. To be with someone who couldnt accept that and enhance it with an opposite dynamic? What would be the point in the relationship?

bandit25 -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 4:26:03 AM)
I tend to think I am more like jali. I am just naturally attracted to dominant men. Unfortunately, submissive men are often attracted to me! Of course, at this point, I am quite content in my relationship with my Dom so it's hard to me to even think of this.

zenofeller -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 4:45:35 AM)
I imagine even if someone tried to go vanilla, soon enough little things would creep in. Then bigger things. Before you know it, you're right back.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: WIITWD and other thoughts (7/1/2006 6:09:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa Would you ever consider being in a vanilla relationship? As long as it wasn't monogamous, yes. I would not consider having a monogamous relationship with anyone, and so would be able to have a vanilla connection with someone AND kinky D/s or M/s types of connections. quote: Could you give up WIITWD? Could I and survive? Sure. Could I and be fully me? No. Luckily, I seriously doubt I'll ever be in a situation where I would have to make that choice. quote: What circumstances would necessitate you to change your way of life as you know it? Pretty much a Farenheit 451 type world- and I'm pretty sure I'd be one of the undergrounders.

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