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Question about pussy degradation - 9/14/2013 8:28:15 AM

ghest

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My wife and I have recently started a D/s relationship. Every once in awhile she will get off on me telling her that her pussy is loose, not satisfying, etc. This is something that she has done even prior to our interest in BDSM. I know this is a tough question, but why would she like this? I ask to understand it a little better so that I can exploit it as part of our relationship. Here is what is confusing to me about it:

-Just to get this out of the way, I've asked her about it before. The response is usually along the lines of "I just like it sometimes"
-She doesn't always enjoy it. If I bring it up she deals with it, but she doesn't always get off on it. Sometimes she'll bring it up, I'll run with it, and she goes crazy.
-She doesn't seem to enjoy humiliation. Of course, we are realtively new to all of this, and I haven't tried other humiliation activities when she brings it up.
-I wonder if she enjoys me criticizing other parts of her body, but that seems very risky.

I know it varies from person to person, so I don't expect to get a solid answer, but if people could shed some light on why they enjoy it, why others enjoy it, or where I can find info on it I would appreciate it. Googling this particular subject doesn't seem to be very fruitful.

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RE: Question about pussy degradation - 9/14/2013 8:34:59 AM

Kana

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She's into a specific type of degradation.
It's a nice opportunity. Roll with it. Fuck.Maybe do things to actualize the idea.
Slowly stretch her out into some serious fisting. Tie weights from her labia and clit stretching them out.
Nail her cunt lips open splaying the inside of her cunt wide and then have fun with things like hot wax, certain oils, pliers, skewers, things like that.
Oh man,I could have fun for ages with this...

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RE: Question about pussy degradation - 9/14/2013 8:58:37 AM

ghest

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It never really occurred to me that she may like one type of degradation but not other types. In retrospect maybe it should have, but thank you for that. The rest is a bit out of my ballpark.

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RE: Question about pussy degradation - 9/14/2013 9:31:21 AM

slavekate80

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quote:

-She doesn't seem to enjoy humiliation. Of course, we are realtively new to all of this, and I haven't tried other humiliation activities when she brings it up.
-I wonder if she enjoys me criticizing other parts of her body, but that seems very risky.

Everyone is different, even among those who generally like the same types of things. So, ask! Maybe she only has that one specific kink, maybe she has others that she hasn't brought up yet, and maybe she'd like to explore something but isn't sure she'd like it and wants to proceed carefully. Discuss it with her when you're not in the middle of playing sometime.

I like some kinds of insults and not others - the ones I don't like, I can tolerate, but they're not exciting or fun and might even be downright unpleasant depending on the situation. My pattern seems to be that insults about my looks or dedication to him are the ones that hurt (though stuff that's mostly neutral, like teasing me about being short or saying I have a big butt, I don't care one way or the other about and will find funny if it's clever). Some people have stronger negative or positive reactions and to different things. It's very, very individual.

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RE: Question about pussy degradation - 9/14/2013 9:39:30 AM

ghest

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekate80

quote:

-She doesn't seem to enjoy humiliation. Of course, we are realtively new to all of this, and I haven't tried other humiliation activities when she brings it up.
-I wonder if she enjoys me criticizing other parts of her body, but that seems very risky.

Everyone is different, even among those who generally like the same types of things. So, ask! Maybe she only has that one specific kink, maybe she has others that she hasn't brought up yet, and maybe she'd like to explore something but isn't sure she'd like it and wants to proceed carefully. Discuss it with her when you're not in the middle of playing sometime.

I like some kinds of insults and not others - the ones I don't like, I can tolerate, but they're not exciting or fun and might even be downright unpleasant depending on the situation. My pattern seems to be that insults about my looks or dedication to him are the ones that hurt (though stuff that's mostly neutral, like teasing me about being short or saying I have a big butt, I don't care one way or the other about and will find funny if it's clever). Some people have stronger negative or positive reactions and to different things. It's very, very individual.

We've talked about it before. Its usually "I don't know, I just like it" kind of stuff. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of insults do you like and why?

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RE: Question about pussy degradation - 9/14/2013 6:46:16 PM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ghest

The rest is a bit out of my ballpark.

Great answer!

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RE: Question about pussy degradation - 9/14/2013 6:48:12 PM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ghest

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekate80

Everyone is different, even among those who generally like the same types of things. So, ask!

We've talked about it before. Its usually "I don't know, I just like it" kind of stuff. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of insults do you like and why?

It's very person-specific. Frankly, it doesn't matter what kate likes. What matters is what your lady likes. You are getting dangerously close to a "troll" or HNG question.

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RE: Question about pussy degradation - 9/14/2013 7:13:49 PM

tsatske

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I like certain kinds of humiliation play. For me the important factor is being in a committed relationship with a Dom I trust. I won't do names with someone I might be playing casually with, and I won't tolerate them from complete strangers on the other side. Never understood the mindset of that. A Dominant woman just wrote me, entire letter, 'Hello, Bitch.' First letter. Don't know her. What is the purpose of that. I wrote back and asked her, but I doubt she'll respond.

I enjoy being called fat by someone who wants to see me healthier because they love me, but who also finds me beautiful. I would not tolerate being submissive to a feeder Dom. That's kind of my take on Kana's suggestion, just cause I enjoy you pointing it out to me, doesn't mean I would enjoy you making it worse (though I would, actually, enjoy most of Kana's suggestions).

like my humiliation to be very private. I can deal with a humiliation scene in BDSM public, if it's a time limited scene (actually, I like all my humiliation time limited. I have to know you adore and respect me, in order to do this kind of play). I don't deal well with it in general public. Like, I'm a big woman, I'm not very receptive to the suggestion that I go out in public without a bra. That isn't sexy on a big woman, it's just slovenly.

One of my favorite games, that feels like humiliation to me, although it is not strictly truly humiliation, is to lie next to my partner, hide my face in his chest, and confess my fantasies. It's something I find very challenging, and therefore, very rewarding. I would suggest you see how that goes over with her. After coitus, while you're cuddling, try asking more pointed questions. 'Would you like it if I initiated calling you those names sometimes or do you only like it when you initiate it?' 'Are there other body parts you'd let me tease you about?' Couch this in terms of having the conversation because you, the dominant, want to, and asking her to obey. But, always with new comers, be ready to back off if it's something she's just not willing to talk about.

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RE: Question about pussy degradation - 9/14/2013 10:17:00 PM

NiceAnimal

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Here's an interesting idea - what about kegel exercises as an instruction/task? Certain number/time per day?

Some of those crazy japanese movie ideas like writing while holding things in your nethers come to mind - but on a far more realistic level - trying to hold something slightly difficult in there?

Make her squeeze you when your having sex?
Perhaps encourage her to up other sexual skills as well?

Could boost her sense of service, and perhaps self-esteem, long term. At least I can see how one might have fun with this.

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RE: Question about pussy degradation - 9/15/2013 12:21:57 AM

TigressLily

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Good suggestions

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceAnimal

Here's an interesting idea - what about kegel exercises as an instruction/task? Certain number/time per day?

Some of those crazy japanese movie ideas like writing while holding things in your nethers come to mind - but on a far more realistic level - trying to hold something slightly difficult in there?

Make her squeeze you when your having sex?
Perhaps encourage her to up other sexual skills as well?

Could boost her sense of service, and perhaps self-esteem, long term. At least I can see how one might have fun with this.

Frankly, I'm all over the map on this one. Since you and your wife are so new to BDSM, I would also suggest taking it very, very slowly, which I'm sensing is already your approach. When my then husband and I started out it was by trial & error, and we were relatively conservative, nothing too outlandish in our minds. I didn't suddenly turn into the Raging Bitch From Hades and he didn't act like a simpering, sniveling fool, nor would I have wanted him to. (Slavish devotee, maybe) Just the other day I was advising a young male sub wannabe that you can't expect to go from 0-120mph, in any area of life. Unless you're skydiving, of course, then you have to take the plunge.

You are astute in proceeding cautiously in the areas of Humiliation & Punishment. (For some reason, those 2 seem to invariably go hand in hand, with male subs--I can't speak for female s-types.) Or Humiliation & Discipline, if you prefer. Lace any degrading remarks with an affectionate tone until and unless it is apparent she wants this amped up. (Such as My Sexy Bitch not You Fucking Bitch, give me some of that Sweet Cunt/Ass not You Fucking Cunt, come here My Little Horny Slut/Bitch not You Worthless Slut-Whore, etc.)

Since we were married, we weren't in any rush. It wasn't until several years had passed that Hubby let me know when I called him my 'bitchboy' that he wanted the name-calling to get much nastier, as in 'sissy c*ck-sucking bitchboi' and so on. In a vanilla relationship, if a wife makes disparaging remarks about herself, she is looking for reassurance. After childbirth, women often convince themselves that they've become looser, their pussies aren't tight enough anymore, therefore less desirable sexually to their husbands, esp. if they weren't able to nurse (where cervical contractions will naturally restore the vaginal muscles to nearly their former condition, in concert with performing Kegel exercises). I would tread with extreme caution here. How well does your wife usually take compliments?

Even at its most intense period, I never insulted my husband's penis. He was fairly well-endowed, so it would have been ludicrously phony for me to say he had a puny dick that would never satisfy any woman. Besides, that wasn't one of his kinks. Whenever he would say something along the lines of You think my dick isn't big enough, You probably want someone who's got a bigger one, he was seeking reassurance. Well, he did have an ulterior motive, which was a cuckolding obsession, but I didn't want to go there. (We'd had a couple MMF threesomes right before we were married, but I didn't enjoy them. His motivation was both voyeuristic & exhibitionistic. It's that visual thing with you men, it would seem.)

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RE: Question about pussy degradation - 9/15/2013 8:10:03 PM

MercTech

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What pops to mind with me is weightlifting kegel exercises.

Great way to turn a flapper to a snapper and some silly "personal trainer" role play with humiliating coaching could be incorporated.

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RE: Question about pussy degradation - 9/21/2013 5:22:26 AM

ghest

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Thank you for the replies, there is some good reading in here.

@Niceanimal That's not a bad idea, I may give that a shot. She already has the benwa (?) balls, but I can't seem to recall why they were mothballed. I may try to bring them back out.

@TigressLily Thank you for your reply. Good advice and well written, I appreciate it. As far as looking for reassurance, I don't think that's it, and she has never gone through childbirth. It only comes up in the bedroom and she gets off on it. In fact, there were times in the past where she has brought up the quality of her pussy and received compliments from me, only to steer it into degredation.

@tsatske The fantasy confession thing is a good idea. Its tough to get her to talk about what she likes, but she may be more open after sex.

< Message edited by ghest -- 9/21/2013 5:47:15 AM >

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RE: Question about pussy degradation - 9/21/2013 8:48:18 PM

AaNiMaLl

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I can't do humiliation. It doesn't work for me.

I think that you have the right idea in asking why, rather than simply accepting it for face value.

If it were me, I would separate it out from sex. Have her sit there, degrade her pussy and then run a time line or some sort of mind map in order to work out the thought processes. Fun fun. Ok, here is a simple one. Degrade her pussy without sexual stimulation and assert some dominance over her so that she is really pliable and compliant. Then run like a thesaurus. Start with the word 'pussy' and ask her for three words associated with that. And then ask her for three words associated with each of those words. You should be able to draw some sort of map.

There are tons of tricks. Ask her what kind of animal her pussy is. If she says it is a like dog or something then say, describe a dog to me. The way that she describes the dog will be how she feels about her pussy. Another way to do this is degrade her pussy then ask her to feel a colour. Then ask her what that colour means to her.

Just look for surface lines of thought to start off with. That is step one.

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RE: Question about pussy degradation - 9/22/2013 3:50:16 PM

ghest

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AaNiMaLl

I can't do humiliation. It doesn't work for me.

I think that you have the right idea in asking why, rather than simply accepting it for face value.

If it were me, I would separate it out from sex. Have her sit there, degrade her pussy and then run a time line or some sort of mind map in order to work out the thought processes. Fun fun. Ok, here is a simple one. Degrade her pussy without sexual stimulation and assert some dominance over her so that she is really pliable and compliant. Then run like a thesaurus. Start with the word 'pussy' and ask her for three words associated with that. And then ask her for three words associated with each of those words. You should be able to draw some sort of map.

There are tons of tricks. Ask her what kind of animal her pussy is. If she says it is a like dog or something then say, describe a dog to me. The way that she describes the dog will be how she feels about her pussy. Another way to do this is degrade her pussy then ask her to feel a colour. Then ask her what that colour means to her.

Just look for surface lines of thought to start off with. That is step one.

That's really interesting, and something I might keep in mind for other situations, but it probably won't work here. The biggest problem that I run into is that she doesn't like talking about sex outside of the bedroom. If I can get her past that, things will get a little easier. Until then I'm stuck trying to figure out what's going on inside her head (insert marriage joke here).

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