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NuevaVida -> RE: subliminal subconscious programming (9/20/2013 4:39:44 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JeffBC
quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Your attitude is causing you to meet only the guys you don't want to meet.
This would be my assessment.
Mine too.
My ex owner dude did much the same thing (as did my ex husband before him, go figure). So by the time I came out of that relationship, I had all these messages in my head, planted by somebody else, which I believed.
Here's the thing - if those ideas were put in my head by a source outside of me, why would I trust they were a self truth? They may be someone else's truth, or someone else's lie. But until I figured things out for myself, I was really just living a life someone else had laid out for me.
So that's where therapy helped me. And I never mentioned BDSM. I mentioned needing to get to know myself and trust myself and not knowing how to start doing that.
And some of this stuff, well you just have to push yourself through it - fight through that wall that someone else created for you. I remember when I started going to weight watchers, I used to literally grip the sides of my chair during the meetings, as if forcing myself in it, forcing myself to stay there. All the while I'd hear my ex telling me weight watchers was just a bunch of fat, loser women whining about being fat loser women, and why would I want to be a part of that? I would actually fight back tears, forcing myself to stay, and trying to push out those tapes he put in my head.
So I stayed, and eventually lost 95 pounds. It's perseverance. It's inviting yourself to get to know yourself. It's figuring out what YOU like to do, and experimenting by doing things you couldn't do when you were with him. When I was married, everything we ate was always what he liked. I couldn't buy the things I liked, unless he liked them, too, and he'd often say he didn't like something just so I couldn't have it. The night after I moved out I went grocery shopping and realized I had no idea what I liked to eat. I went home with a box of oreos and a carton of milk, lol. Figured I'd try again later.
Since then, I started experimenting with food, playing with recipes, etc...getting to know what *I* liked, absent of anyone else. I recommend it. It's scary, and fun, and educational. And when those old tapes play in your head, remind yourself those are someone ELSE'S ideas, and not yours.
I heard all about how no man would ever love me, how I had nothing to offer, how any man out there was just out to use me, etc. I remember telling my mother I can't trust men, because men just lie. She said "It's not that you don't trust men, honey, it's that you don't trust yourself." She was right. And the only way I could figure out how to trust myself was to get to know myself. Once that happened, everything changed. Doesn't mean I'll never be duped in my life, but because I am confident in myself and my instincts, it rarely happens.
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